DEAR ABBY: I am marrying a wonderful man I love dearly. We have planned a dream wedding for ourselves rather quickly. I secured the venue we wanted. There was no other place or date available to us as backup. At this point, we would lose thousands if we cancel.

After months of meetings and negotiations with the woman who manages the facility, I was shocked to receive a text from my last ex-boyfriend informing me that he is the new general manager of the venue, and will be my point person of contact from now on. Things did not end well in our relationship, and he still owes me money from a loan I gave him right before the breakup.

This is extremely upsetting for me. I can't imagine having to plan my wedding with someone who mistreated me and took advantage, nor do I want to see him on my wedding day. How do I express this to the staff I worked with until this point so that I won't sound bitter or petty?

I know people can't steal our happiness unless we let them, but he was not part of the equation when we chose this location, and we can't move our nuptials to avoid him. Please help me see a way out of this because I feel trapped. -- BLUSHING BRIDE

DEAR B.B.: If you have been working with a wedding planner, that person could be the point of contact with this man rather than you. If you don't have one, you and your fiance -- or your maid of honor -- should contact your ex and inform him that you both prefer he have no part in planning the wedding and you would prefer he remain out of sight when it occurs.

If he gives you any trouble, contact the owner of the facility, explain your predicament and ask that person to intervene. If that's problematic, then you may have to involve an attorney to see what your options are.

DEAR ABBY: Why do women spend half their lives in search of the perfect man? And then when they find him, spend the other half trying to change him? -- INQUIRING MIND, CORPUS CHRISTI, TEXAS

DEAR INQUIRING MIND: I suspect it's for the same reason a man will buy a beautiful, expensive new car and then customize it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 57-year-old woman who has been diagnosed with cancer. I am currently receiving good treatment.

My problem is, I can't swallow pills. I have never been able to swallow pills and -- trust me -- I have tried everything. Is there anyone out there who can help me? I need to be able to resolve this issue. -- MARY ELLEN IN MISSOURI

DEAR MARY ELLEN: Because of the seriousness of your illness, your doctor/oncologist should be told about this right away. It's possible that your medication may be able to be prescribed in liquid, powder or another form, rather than in pills.

DEAR ABBY: My beautiful 6-year-old granddaughter has clubfeet. Although she had several surgeries, her ongoing treatment requires her to wear her shoes on the opposite feet.

Every time we go out somewhere, well-intentioned people seem compelled to let us know she has her shoes on wrong. My granddaughter told me it bothers her and she gets embarrassed when we must explain the reason, and truthfully, I don't blame her. I worry about her self-esteem.

Have you any suggestions as to what we could say to these people without giving out personal information? -- NANNY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NANNY: If it were me, I would also assume that the person meant well and reply, "We're already aware of that, thank you." Period.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in fifth grade and I'm wondering: Which do you prefer -- dogs or cats?

My friends and I often debate about this topic. -- ANIMAL LOVER IN OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: I'm an animal lover, too, and I have met both dogs and cats that had wonderful personalities. However, when it comes to choosing between cats and dogs, I'm more of a dog person. My favorite breed is the German shepherd.

DEAR ABBY: My sister moved in with me after my husband died. I thought it would be good for both of us, and we could go places together and share household chores. At the time, we were both working.

When I discovered she would sleep all day on our days off and didn't help with the housework at all, I was very disappointed. She would clean her room only when I got upset with her.

Now she does almost nothing. She won't clean her room and she sleeps for months without changing her sheets. I am sickened by the smell of her and her room. She hasn't showered or brushed her teeth in almost two weeks, and it doesn't look like she's in any hurry to do so.

We are both retired now and could enjoy going places together, but she would rather stay up all night and sleep all day. I am at my wits' end. I have begged, threatened and shamed, but nothing works. I am a very clean person and like to have a clean house. Help! -- WANTS MY CLEAN HOUSE BACK

DEAR WANTS: Changes in behavior like those you describe should not be ignored. Was your sister always like this? If not, she needs to be examined by a doctor to determine if she's depressed or having some other kind of mental problem. She should also be seen by a dentist if her oral hygiene is as poor as you say it is, while she still has teeth.

The living arrangement the two of you have doesn't appear to be healthy for either of you. Before this goes any further, consult an attorney for guidance. You may need help in getting her out after all this time -- or help finding other safe living arrangements for your sister if she's unable or unwilling to do it for herself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 63-year-old man living with a 28-year-old woman. She has three children -- ages 2, 6 and 7. They live with us every other weekend. I have fallen in love with them. We are planning on getting married soon, and I want to be sure the kids are secure when I'm gone.

I have an erectile dysfunction problem. She says she doesn't care about sex, but I'm worried she will stray. I was 28 once, and that's all I thought about. I'm afraid she is marrying me for her own benefit -- the house, Social Security and my business.

I love her and her children dearly. She says she loves me, but I'm just not sure. Can you help me figure out what to do? -- TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE?

DEAR TOO GOOD: If you have any doubts about marrying this woman, then you shouldn't do it. However, if you do decide to marry her, first discuss this with your legal adviser and be sure you have an ironclad prenuptial agreement.

As to providing for her little ones in the event of your demise, discuss that with a lawyer who specializes in wills and trusts and who can advise you about the best way to leave money/assets in trust for them after they have reached a certain age -- so the money can't be dissipated prematurely.

DEAR ABBY: Our parents have been dead for 25 years. Along the way, we have also lost sisters, nieces and cousins. Every year when we gather for a family reunion, part of it is a candle lighting and spoken remembrance of those loved ones we have lost. Some in my family get teary-eyed or cry.

My husband refuses to attend my family reunions because of this. He says my relatives have issues and need to see a mental health professional. He makes fun of us and the way we are together. I have a large family with many offspring. Do you agree we are "crazy" for the remembrance and the tears? -- LOVES MY FAMILY IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVES: No, I do not. During a ceremony such as you have described, tears can be a healthy display of emotion. However, I do think your husband's comments are insensitive and judgmental, and he's doing the right thing for everyone by staying away. Feeling as he does, far away is where he belongs.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, who is a Realtor, is upset because a couple of our best friends listed their home with someone else. My wife feels they should have had the decency to at least notify her that they were going to give the listing to another Realtor. My wife had sold them their home a few years ago. Your thoughts, please? -- MIFFED IN MIAMI

DEAR MIFFED: No law says this couple was obligated to have your wife represent them. I suspect that they didn't inform your wife because they wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. If she would like to know the reason they listed their home with someone else, she should ask them. It's possible the other Realtor offered services beyond what your wife does.