DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 36 years to a woman who is a pediatric physical therapist. A number of her youngsters are disabled or abused, and their lives can be a struggle. This results in emotional, intense workdays for my wife. She brings these stories home and shares them with me.

Over the years on three or four occasions, I have either told her I didn't care to hear an emotional story that day, or ignored her when she tried to tell me. The last time I said it was last year, and now she refuses to tell me anything about her workload. She's very stubborn, and although I am interested in what she does, she won't let me apologize. She says she will discuss it only with her fellow therapists at work.

Abby, what can I do to convey to her that I want to share her experiences? -- REGRETFUL IN GEORGIA

DEAR REGRETFUL: If you haven't been able to get through to your wife by now, probably not much.

There's a saying that a joy shared is twice a joy and a burden shared is half a burden. When she tried to confide what was weighing on her mind or heart on those occasions, your response was, frankly, unkind. Further, if the treatment she's giving those children is covered by HIPAA regulations, it's possible that the only people she should talk to about them are her colleagues.

I wish I could be more helpful, but it looks like you may have to find another way to be intimate with your wife besides discussing her workload.

DEAR ABBY: As chairman of the American Institute of CPAs' Tax Executive Committee, may I offer some clarification to you and your readers about your answer in your July 13 column titled, "Couple Deep in Tax Hole Need Help in Climbing Out"?

In fact, THREE groups of tax preparers have unlimited practice rights under Department of the Treasury regulations to represent their clients on any matters before the IRS -- certified public accountants, attorneys and enrolled agents.

None are more qualified than CPAs. CPAs are licensed by state regulators and must meet minimum education requirements to sit for their national licensing exam and then fulfill ongoing continuing education requirements, as well as abide by a code of professional ethics. Attorneys have a generally similar system.

Enrolled agents are often former IRS employees who are licensed by the IRS after passing an exam. Enrolled agents are competent and respected tax professionals, but the fact they are licensed by the IRS does not mean they are better qualified or superior in serving clients than are CPAs or attorneys.

IRS.gov has a page explaining the different types of tax return preparers and their qualifications, which may be helpful to your readers. -- TROY K. LEWIS, CPA

DEAR MR. LEWIS: Thank you for the clarification and for expanding my reply to that letter. It was not my intention to imply that CPAs are less qualified than enrolled agents -- and if I created that impression, I sincerely apologize.

DEAR ABBY: I'm nearly 100 percent sure my husband is cheating on me. I tracked him a couple of times using the GPS on his phone and saw he wasn't where he told me he would be. I know he has a female acquaintance who lives in the general area of where he was, so I did a little investigating. Sure enough, she lives exactly where he was. I don't know whether to confront him now, or wait to try to catch him at her house so there will be no denying it.

My husband is the last person on Earth I thought would cheat. When it comes to everything else in life, he's a man of high standards and integrity. I'm afraid to be on my own because I never have been. I don't see how I/we can afford a divorce. Please help! -- IN SHOCK IN FLORIDA

DEAR IN SHOCK: You must have suspected that something wasn't right, or you wouldn't have been tracking your husband's whereabouts. Now that you know for certain he hasn't been truthful, protect yourself by consulting an attorney who specializes in family law.

This does not mean I'm suggesting you divorce your husband. However, you will be enlightened about what your rights are as his wife. Armed with that information, if you decide to drop by the woman's house while your husband is there and confront them, it may help your husband recognize that a divorce isn't in his financial interest and give him an incentive to repair your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be rude to invite someone to a festive occasion weeks after he or she lost a loved one? Is there a time frame or an etiquette reference? It seems callous to issue an invitation, but if I didn't, I'd feel like I'm shunning or forgetting the person. I am looking for a mature way to approach this. Have you any thoughts you can offer? -- TREADING LIGHTLY IN N.Y.C.

DEAR TREADING LIGHTLY: Call the person and say you are thinking about him or her, and ask how your friend is doing. During the conversation, allude to the fact that you'll be having a celebration and mention that if he or she is feeling up to it, the invitation is open.

Your friend may surprise you and accept because there is no timetable for grief, and much of the grieving may have been done while the deceased was alive and ailing. However, if your friend declines, at least he/she will know you were thinking about him/her, and that's very important at a time like this.

DEAR ABBY: Our bright, attractive daughter recently told us that she's seeing a transgender man. For financial reasons, this man has not had a complete sex change. He still has a female body part. This has caused deep division within our family because, while we love our daughter, we also refuse to see this as being "normal" and believe it will have a negative impact on our daughter professionally. Please advise. -- LIVING A NIGHTMARE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR LIVING A NIGHTMARE: Unless the person your daughter is seeing wears a sign describing his genitalia, your daughter's career should not be affected. This should be nobody's business -- including yours. Because you love your daughter, concentrate less on what's "missing" and more on what they share together and the happiness they bring each other, and you'll all be better off.

DEAR ABBY: Eleven years ago my husband had a prostatectomy, which left him impotent. His sex drive dropped from 100 to zero. I have told him many times I don't care what he can or can't do. I have also told him I married him in sickness and health, and if this is the worst thing to happen, we are pretty lucky.

This is the man I couldn't walk by for many years without him all over me. We made love two or three times a day. I miss the man I married desperately. He is the one who had surgery, but I didn't.

I would never cheat on him, but I don't know what to do. Anytime we are intimate, it is always my idea, never his. I feel lost and hope you can help. -- LOST IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LOST: In one paragraph you tell me that you don't care what your husband can or can't do. In the next you tell me you miss the man he was and need more than you're getting. Here's what I advise: Have a talk with your husband, and suggest that he have a talk with his urologist. There are medical interventions that could improve the state of your union, but only if he is aware of them and is willing to avail himself.

DEAR ABBY: One of my male friends is having a child with a woman he is not married to and isn't dating. I want to throw a baby shower/party for him, and he seems excited about it. I will invite the mother of his future child, but I don't really know her. The party is more for my friend.

Our circle of friends thinks it's strange to throw a baby shower for a male. Am I breaking some rule of etiquette here? -- BROOKE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BROOKE: Is the mother of the child a surrogate and is he planning to be a father to the child, or was she impregnated during a one-night stand? Baby showers are supposed to be for the BABY, and the mother-to-be is usually the star of the show, not an add-on. If your friend's participation ended at conception, he is not entitled to a shower.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and "blessed" with a young face. All my life I've been told it's a gift, and I should be thankful people assume I'm much younger than my age.

Now that I'm married and have a family (three children under the age of 5), I often find myself on the receiving end of dirty looks from total strangers. My husband works night shifts, so I often run errands with my children. As much as I love spending time with them, the trips can be unpleasant for me.

I constantly spot women checking to see if I'm wearing a wedding band or engagement ring. I have also overheard comments about single teen mothers and the judgmental things people say about them. How can I tactfully handle these situations while being a good role model for my kids? -- BLESSED IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR BLESSED: The way to handle rude remarks would be to ignore them, and to remember to wear your wedding band when you and your children are out running errands.