life

Husband Embraces Online Contact All Too Eagerly

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Are senior citizens having more affairs these days? I used to laugh at the "old couples' sex letters" I'd see in your column -- until it hit home.

My husband (age 68) ran into a 38-year-old ex-waitress friend. They had lunch, which led to emails and texts, which led to sexts and then a full-blown affair. I believe these personal/secretive forms of communication make going from texting to sexting much too easy.

Our generation didn't have much sexual freedom growing up. I think men of that generation have a "go for it before it's too late" mentality, and the combination of the Internet and Viagra is making it possible.

Should every couple insist on access to their spouse's devices? How do you broach the subject? I wish I had seen the number of texts being sent early on. Then this whole ugly affair might have been averted. Now my trust, my respect and our marriage are all in crisis. -- SHARON IN NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR SHARON: Technology and medicine are extending the sex lives of many seniors these days. However, I don't think it's necessary for couples to check each other's electronic devices if there is no cause for suspicion. In your case, because of your husband's infidelity, you do have that right -- and the way to broach the subject is to tackle it head on. And if you haven't already, insist that your husband join you in marriage counseling.

Sex & Gender
life

Boyfriend's Dogs Are Double Trouble

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 12th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a guy (seriously) who is fantastic. "Kyle" is smart, trustworthy, kind -- and incredibly gorgeous. The problem is, he has two Boston terriers who drive me crazy -- one in particular whose breathing is so loud all the time that we can't even hear a TV program or each other speak. That dog is super hyper and has destroyed numerous things in my house. Kyle's house reeks of doggy odor, and the dogs also have horrible gas and vomit often.

If we are staying over at my place, his dogs come with him. I hate it! It is the weirdest thing, but I notice my anxiety level rises when the dogs are here, running around and snorting uncontrollably. There are other issues, but I don't want to write a novel.

I am trying to live in the moment and not let it bother me. But in this moment, it is intrusive and annoying. What can I do? -- BRYAN IN CHICAGO

DEAR BRYAN: Kyle may be gorgeous, but he doesn't appear to be a very responsible pet owner. He should have asked his veterinarian to check his dogs when he realized they were having repeated gastrointestinal upsets. As to the poor animals' breathing, it may be because short-faced dogs are prone to breathing problems.

It's possible that Kyle is so used to the doggy odor in his house that he no longer smells it. That's why it couldn't hurt to tell him YOU have noticed it, that it's overwhelming, and it's time to get a professional cleaning crew in there.

Love & Dating
life

Woman Goes to the Mat to Defend Yoga Photos

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A family member has recently lost more than 100 pounds running and doing yoga. She looks fantastic. Yoga is the focus of her life now, and she posts daily photos of herself on social media. In many of them she is scantily clad and in poses some might consider risque.

Whenever she attends family gatherings or outings to public places, she wants to take pictures of herself in various poses. This makes some of the people she's with uncomfortable. She says she doesn't care what others think, but there have been quite a few negative comments about this, and people have "unfollowed" her on social media. Others think it's OK for her to do her thing. What is your opinion on this? -- GAGGING IN GEORGIA

DEAR GAGGING: Your relative deserves praise for having adopted a healthier lifestyle. However, because she doesn't care what others think, any family member who finds her pictures too risque for their comfort should quit following her on social media.

Etiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Mom's Plans For A Guest Room Stumble Over Daughter's Childhood Trophies

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Kelly," and I are arguing over whether she should take her trophies with her when she moves out on her own. I feel that when kids move out, they should take all their belongings. Kelly thinks I should keep the 10 to 15 trophies she won in beauty pageants when she was younger.

I'd like to turn her bedroom into a guest room where visiting relatives can stay, but I'm having difficulty getting my daughter to take all her stuff. Although she has grown out of her childhood trophies, she expects me to hold onto them. I suggested she pack them up and store them in her attic so she can show her children her accomplishments one day. What do you think? -- BEAUTY QUEEN'S MOM IN INDIANA

DEAR MOM: I think that if you want a guest room instead of a shrine to your daughter's beauty contest achievements, you should set a deadline and insist that her trophies be removed.

Family & Parenting
life

Birthday Mix-Up Should Cause Friends A Good Laugh

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 11th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine and I have exchanged birthday cards for many years. Several years ago, she started sending me two cards each year -- one on my birthday and another five or six months later. After a couple more years passed, the "second date" became the only card she sent.

I know I should have said something, but I didn't want to embarrass her. This year on my "birthday" she even called to wish me a happy one.

Is there anything I can do now? My REAL birthday is coming up soon, and I feel bad that I didn't nip this in the bud in the beginning. -- ONE AT A TIME IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ONE: Oh, for Pete's sake! Friends should be able to level with each other without ruining the friendship. If you want to save her from embarrassment, tell her YOU are embarrassed because you didn't say something earlier. Then enjoy a good laugh together.

Friends & NeighborsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Attorney's Reckless Driving Habits Are Trial for His Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 60-year-old son, "Martin," is an accomplished litigation attorney, handsome and opinionated, but kind and attentive to me. (I am a widow.)

Unfortunately, he's a terrible driver and always has been. Sometimes I think he has a death wish the way he drives. He speeds, texts, phones, and looks away from the road to talk to passengers in the car. I can't understand how a man of his intelligence can be so reckless with his life and the lives of others. He's a husband, father and grandfather.

I hate to drive anywhere with Martin, even though he invites me to come along to various events. He doesn't take kindly to criticism, and when I say he's going too fast, he gets defensive. He just doesn't get it. He thinks he's invincible.

I'm not the most tactful person, but I'm running out of excuses for why I don't want him to pick me up. I do drive, so I say, "I'll meet you there," but it's getting old.

How do I tell my son I no longer want him to drive me? How can I make him understand how serious his bad driving habits are? I'm not afraid of dying at my age, but I'd rather not die in an auto accident. -- DISTRAUGHT MAMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISTRAUGHT MAMA: Stop making excuses with your son. Tell your son how much you love him. Then tell him the truth -- that his driving makes you afraid not only for your own safety, but also for him and his family.

If he becomes defensive, let him rant, and when he runs out of breath, go on to say that this is the reason that, while you deeply appreciate his invitations, from now on you will be arranging your own transportation. Do not be unpleasant about it, but don't be dissuaded.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Woman Reaches A Crossroad Between 'Fiance' And Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 10th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My "fiance" and I have been together for 10 years. I say "fiance" in quotes because although he has given me a ring and popped the question, we don't talk about planning a wedding. Every time I try, it gets me nowhere, but this isn't the problem I'm writing you about.

He has never been the type to attend my family functions. He will come on the major holidays, but even then it's a fight. I have reached the point that I no longer ask him to join me, but then I have to make up some kind of excuse for him. I've had enough of it.

Recently, when I have mentioned my family, he has started going off about what he doesn't like about them. It's getting worse, and it puts me in a tough spot. What is the best way to handle this? -- STRESSED OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STRESSED: You would be wise to realize that at some point you may have to make a choice between your "fiance" and your family. Take into consideration that you have devoted 10 years of your life to someone who has given you a ring and a promise, but who has shown no signs of being willing to follow through.

Since you asked, I think the best way for you to handle it would be to cut your losses and choose your family.

Family & ParentingLove & Dating

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