DEAR ABBY: Throughout my three grandchildren's lives, I have picked them up from school, and attended school functions, games and activities in which they have participated. Their parents work, and I was helping out.

I have given them money for camps, clothes for all changes of season, and anything they especially needed or wanted. I baby-sat after school and on weekends while my daughter-in-law, "Kathy," went to "memory book classes" and special scrapbooking lessons. I'm always at her beck and call. I do anything I am asked, even if I must rearrange my own schedule.

The oldest grandchild graduated this year, and Kathy had photos out and memory books displayed for everyone to see. As I glanced through, I noticed there were no pictures of me with the kids nor any from our side of the family. My son (their father) was barely in any of them, either. There were plenty of photos with Kathy, her mom and her siblings. Although Kathy has a nice camera and has snapped pictures of us, none made it into the memory books.

I am truly hurt. When the children look back in years to come, it will be as if we were never in their lives. They will see only one side of their family tree. They have other cousins, aunts and uncles they will not remember. Am I wrong to feel hurt that we were left out of the children's memory book family? -- GRANDMA ON THE WRONG SIDE

DEAR GRANDMA: No, I don't think you're wrong. And I think you should tell your daughter-in-law how you feel, because there is nothing I can do to rectify it. If Kathy is unwilling or unable to amend her memory books, consider getting ahold of some of the more accurate -- and inclusive -- "rejects" that should have been included and creating a few photo albums of your own.

And another thought: Please don't think your grandchildren will forget you because you don't appear in their mother's memory books. You have been such a constant, loving, supportive and important presence in their lives that such a thing would be impossible. While their mom is capturing the memories, you are creating them.

DEAR ABBY: I recently married "Ron," a widower. His wife "Marianne" died three years ago. They had a solid, happy marriage. Ron's father had a heart attack and died at their wedding reception.

Ron had a tattoo put on his arm -- "E.R.M." and the date. The letters stand for his father ("Erwin"), Ron and Marianne. The date is their wedding date. Ron says that on that day the three of them were eternally bound. I don't like the tattoo, but Ron adamantly refuses to have it removed.

I'm mostly unhappy about Ron's feeling that there's an eternal bond between him, his late wife and his father. Am I unreasonable for wanting him to remove it? -- INKED OUT WEST

DEAR INKED: Yes! It's a huge mistake to compete with dead people. It is understandable that your husband would feel love for his deceased wife and father. That love is part of why he's the person he is today -- the man you fell in love with. The sooner you learn to appreciate him for all the love in his heart, the healthier your marriage will be.

DEAR ABBY: I am the 24/7 caregiver for my husband, "Earl." We were both widowed when we married nine years ago. His daughter, "Mindy," hasn't talked to her father for six years -- hasn't called, emailed or even sent a birthday card. If he tried calling her, she wouldn't pick up.

Recently, Earl had a serious health problem resulting in a colostomy bag. I take care of everything. When he called to tell Mindy, her husband answered the phone and said she wasn't home. When my husband told him about his health, the son-in-law said OK -- nothing more. Then Earl invited the whole family to come here. Again, the response was, "I don't know."

After Earl hung up, I said, "I think it's time Mindy came here to take care of you." (Six years ago she told my husband, "Dad, if you die first, I'll get that woman out of the house in three days!")

Abby, must I wait for this to happen or should I just pack my stuff and move out, leaving a vulnerable 88-year-old man alone? Mindy will put him in a nursing home and sell the house to pay off her credit card debt -- some of it, because the house isn't worth much money.

Earl says, "Don't leave me, I need you!" Well, what about me? Where is my life and my security? I'm getting older. If he lives another 10 years, it will take a toll on my health, and I'll be moving?

Should I seek compensation for my caregiving? I pay all my own expenses. I don't pay rent. That was the main concern from his relatives when we got married. I was a widow and had a job and a condo, which I sold. I put the money in the bank and used cash to pay for a new car, a computer, a wheelchair for my husband, etc.

Don't I have to plan for my future in my old age? Or should I leave it up to God and hope He takes me before my husband? I need your advice. -- WORRIED WIFE IN FLORIDA

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: You're right to be concerned about your future. That's why, before making any decisions, it is important you consult a lawyer and learn what your rights are as a wife in the state of Florida. You should not have to worry about being thrown out into the street because Earl's daughter has money problems and is looking to cash in. If you love your husband, your place is beside him for as long as the good Lord allows.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16. I came home from a date and my mom is flipping out over my hickies. I think this is stupid. These are my first ones, and my parents are making a big deal about it. What do you think? -- MARKED IN NEWARK, DEL.

DEAR MARKED: I think it's time you had a talk with your parents about why they reacted the way they did, so they can explain it to you. Your hickies aren't what upset them. They are worried about you because they are afraid of what the hickies may lead to -- if they haven't already.

DEAR ABBY: I'm frustrated about how to connect with my young adult son's 18-year-old girlfriend. He told me she has a bad relationship with her divorced parents, so he's hoping we can bond.

A problem that comes up frequently is, she's so anxious to show me how skilled and knowledgeable she is, she misses any tips and techniques I try to subtly teach her. They live together in another state, so our weekend visits at each other's homes seem to amplify the problem.

I'll give you an example: When I removed ice cubes from an ice tray, I ran water over the bottom briefly before twisting the tray. She laughed like I was clueless and said, "You don't have to do that, just twist the tray!" I replied that the water helped release the cubes more cleanly "because of the physics of the warmer water." She teared up, left the room and told my son (who repeated it to me) that I was being critical of her.

I have expressed appreciation for her, and my son has reassured her of my intentions, but I'm getting tired of tiptoeing around her issues. How can I help her understand that she can learn from me without it meaning that I think any less of her? -- ON EGGSHELLS IN MONTANA

DEAR ON EGGSHELLS: It might be a good idea to quit trying to mother or teach this young woman anything unless you are specifically asked, because it appears she's not interested in learning from you.

From where I sit, you not only were not critical of her, but the opposite was true of what happened in that kitchen. If she hadn't laughed at you -- ridiculed you -- for the way you emptied the ice tray, you wouldn't have felt it necessary to explain your technique. So take a step back and stop trying to help her, because it's obviously not appreciated.

DEAR ABBY: I have new downstairs neighbors. While they appear to be pleasant in most circumstances, I cannot ignore the fact that the wife cries inconsolably in their bedroom three or four times a week, late at night. I never hear any yelling or disruption that leads up to this, just loud sobbing in the bedroom that keeps me up several times a week. I don't think she's being abused, but I do think she might be depressed.

Can you think of any kind way to send her to my therapist up the street for some help? Stick a business card in their door anonymously? Bring it up more directly? -- UP ALL NIGHT IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR UP ALL NIGHT: Talk privately with the woman and tell her you are concerned about her because you have heard her crying. Do not ask her why, but if she volunteers, listen to what she has to say. She may need a grief support group or, as you suggested, a therapist. If either of those is the case, you should suggest it.