DEAR ABBY: I recently found a notebook of my mom's. On the outside cover it said, "Disclaimer: Do Not Open Unless You're Me!" Being the curious soul that I am, I opened it despite the disclaimer.

As I flipped through the pages, I learned many things about my mom that I didn't know, like her faith in God and how the things that happened in her life molded her into who she is today. I stopped at the page titled, "The Summer of 10th Grade." As I read it, I learned the truth about how I was conceived. Written in capital letters were the words "I WAS RAPED." It felt like the world had stopped. I had no clue.

I'd always assumed Mom got pregnant at 16 because she made stupid decisions, but I was wrong. I could never imagine how my mom could get through a day without looking at me as a reminder of what happened to her.

Where do I go from here? Should I confront her about it? I have no one to talk to, so I hope you can give me some advice. -- CHILD OF RAPE

DEAR CHILD: I'm glad you wrote, because it gives me an opportunity to point out that if you hadn't been wanted, your mother had other alternatives. If you had no clue, it's because you are the daughter she loves, and I'm sure you have been a source of much joy in her life.

If you feel the need to discuss this with her, then you should. Because she left the notebook in a place where it could be discovered, she may have subconsciously wanted it to be found.

DEAR ABBY: At 24, I am fortunate to have loving, functional relationships with my mother, father, stepmother (of 15 years) and stepsister. I attribute my healthy childhood to the fact that my mom and dad have always acted as best friends when we're together, despite having been separated almost my entire life.

However, lately I have been finding my parents' relationship very inappropriate. They have been hanging out together often without me, and almost certainly without my stepmother's knowledge. I have stumbled upon suggestive texts that imply a flirty relationship, and probably more. I don't know whether these are recent developments or if I have just stopped being naive.

I would never want my stepsister to discover anything about my mom and dad the hard way. I especially don't want to see her hurt by becoming a child of divorce. Would I be overstepping my boundaries if I asked my mom and dad to spend less time together and restrict their relationship to being parents to me and that's all? -- HURT CHILD-WOMAN

DEAR HURT CHILD-WOMAN: If you approach it the way you have written it to me, yes, I think you would offend both of your parents. If you are afraid your stepsister may be hurt if her parents separate, be there to comfort and support her, but do not insert yourself into what may or may not be an explosive minefield. This may be the way your mom and dad have always related to each other, your stepmother may be aware of it, and you could come across as extremely presumptuous.

DEAR ABBY: I am currently renting a room in the house of the mother of a friend of mine. The house is also shared with my friend's younger sister, who is in a relationship with another woman. Their relationship is pretty violent. The other night I was in my room, which is located next to the sister's room, and could hear her beating up on her girlfriend.

The mother is aware of the situation and has threatened to call the police if she doesn't stop, but she never does. I'm afraid if I say or do something, I'll be asked to leave since it isn't my house, even though I pay rent. What should I do? -- RENTER IN LAREDO, TEXAS

DEAR RENTER: If you have a written lease for the room you're renting, you cannot be evicted without cause. Talk to the mother and tell her that if she doesn't call the police when her daughter starts beating up on her girlfriend, you will. And if it happens again, follow through. If you do, the daughter may get the help she so obviously needs, and her victim will have a chance to get some help through domestic violence counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column about insensitive, thoughtless remarks made by others about loss and grief. It has been my experience, though, that no one can ever say just the right thing. There are several stages of grief, and one never knows for sure which level the bereaved has reached. Therefore, any comment will most likely be the wrong one.

My advice is if you don't know what to say, state the obvious -- "Gee, I don't know what to say." Hold the person's hand briefly. Don't hug unless initiated. Take your cue from the person grieving. But remarking, "He's in a better place," "It's probably for the best," or "He was in so much pain" is wrong. The bereaved can say these things, but for you to do so seems like passing judgment.

"I don't know what to say" works for divorce, breakups or any catastrophic event. It has worked for me countless times. I have said nothing offensive, but left the door open for the friend or relative to engage in some much-needed venting. I hope my experience helps someone. -- DIPLOMATIC OUT WEST

DEAR DIPLOMATIC: Well said. You are indeed a diplomat.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle school boy and I enjoy the company of a certain girl very much. I expressed my feelings to her a couple of times, and at one point we almost kissed. The problem is she has a boyfriend. What's your advice on getting her to be with me? -- MIDDLE SCHOOL BOY

DEAR MIDDLE SCHOOL BOY: If she almost kissed you, it means she's attracted to you, too. So be patient, be cool and bide your time. If you do, pretty soon your time will come, she'll tire of her boyfriend, and you will avoid a black eye.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Aidan," and I have been dating for three months. I want to tell my parents, but I don't know how. They say I'm too young and immature to date. I'll be 16 in five months. They say Aidan is obsessed with me and they don't want me staying in an unhealthy relationship.

My parents think I'm not talking to Aidan, but I really am. I want to show them I'm mature enough for a relationship. All they keep saying is I need to be "realistic" and "respectful." I'm more respectful than half the people I know.

I don't want to keep this from my parents anymore. What should I do? -- TEEN GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TEEN GIRL: When parents say a teen is too young to date, they aren't talking about the number of candles on her birthday cake. If your parents are worried that Aidan is "obsessed," they must have a reason.

Sneaking around isn't a way to gain anyone's confidence. Teens show they are mature and responsible enough to handle the privilege of dating by being open, honest, communicating their feelings, listening respectfully to the opinions of others, and shouldering responsibility. If you start now, you may be able to convince your parents that you're ready.

DEAR ABBY: I have been taking trips with a friend for a few years. We share a room and usually have a good time. Unfortunately, my friend is cheap. She fights for every dollar every day of the year even though she is very well off.

Lately she has become worse. During the last tour we took, she "made lunch" off the breakfast buffets in the hotels where we stayed, although most of them had signs posted saying that food should not be taken out. Not once, not twice, but every single day she packed a sandwich, fruit and coffee so she wouldn't have to buy lunch. I asked her to please not do it, but she brushed me off.

I like her, but I hate feeling ashamed of her. I believe in doing the right thing, and doing unto others what I would like them to do unto me, and I have reached the point where I just don't want to travel with her. Any advice? -- CALIFORNIA TRAVELER

DEAR TRAVELER: Yes. Tell your friend you have now taken your last trip together, and then tell her exactly why.

DEAR ABBY: I see so many young girls wear "spike" heels. I know they think they look glamorous, but a word of advice: Learn to walk in them at home. Girls, you look like ducks, walking with your knees bent because the heels are so high and you haven't practiced. I know what I'm talking about because those heels were in style when I was young. -- SMART LADY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SMART LADY: There is nothing wrong with that advice. Practice makes perfect. However, allow me to add another suggestion. When I buy a pair of spike heels (and I do own a few), the first thing I do is take them to my shoemaker and have the heels cut down a quarter of an inch, which makes them more comfortable -- and safer -- to walk in. (If I broke an ankle they'd have to shoot me, because I'd never race again.)