DEAR ABBY: I am currently renting a room in the house of the mother of a friend of mine. The house is also shared with my friend's younger sister, who is in a relationship with another woman. Their relationship is pretty violent. The other night I was in my room, which is located next to the sister's room, and could hear her beating up on her girlfriend.

The mother is aware of the situation and has threatened to call the police if she doesn't stop, but she never does. I'm afraid if I say or do something, I'll be asked to leave since it isn't my house, even though I pay rent. What should I do? -- RENTER IN LAREDO, TEXAS

DEAR RENTER: If you have a written lease for the room you're renting, you cannot be evicted without cause. Talk to the mother and tell her that if she doesn't call the police when her daughter starts beating up on her girlfriend, you will. And if it happens again, follow through. If you do, the daughter may get the help she so obviously needs, and her victim will have a chance to get some help through domestic violence counseling.

DEAR ABBY: I have seen letters in your column about insensitive, thoughtless remarks made by others about loss and grief. It has been my experience, though, that no one can ever say just the right thing. There are several stages of grief, and one never knows for sure which level the bereaved has reached. Therefore, any comment will most likely be the wrong one.

My advice is if you don't know what to say, state the obvious -- "Gee, I don't know what to say." Hold the person's hand briefly. Don't hug unless initiated. Take your cue from the person grieving. But remarking, "He's in a better place," "It's probably for the best," or "He was in so much pain" is wrong. The bereaved can say these things, but for you to do so seems like passing judgment.

"I don't know what to say" works for divorce, breakups or any catastrophic event. It has worked for me countless times. I have said nothing offensive, but left the door open for the friend or relative to engage in some much-needed venting. I hope my experience helps someone. -- DIPLOMATIC OUT WEST

DEAR DIPLOMATIC: Well said. You are indeed a diplomat.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle school boy and I enjoy the company of a certain girl very much. I expressed my feelings to her a couple of times, and at one point we almost kissed. The problem is she has a boyfriend. What's your advice on getting her to be with me? -- MIDDLE SCHOOL BOY

DEAR MIDDLE SCHOOL BOY: If she almost kissed you, it means she's attracted to you, too. So be patient, be cool and bide your time. If you do, pretty soon your time will come, she'll tire of her boyfriend, and you will avoid a black eye.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Aidan," and I have been dating for three months. I want to tell my parents, but I don't know how. They say I'm too young and immature to date. I'll be 16 in five months. They say Aidan is obsessed with me and they don't want me staying in an unhealthy relationship.

My parents think I'm not talking to Aidan, but I really am. I want to show them I'm mature enough for a relationship. All they keep saying is I need to be "realistic" and "respectful." I'm more respectful than half the people I know.

I don't want to keep this from my parents anymore. What should I do? -- TEEN GIRL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TEEN GIRL: When parents say a teen is too young to date, they aren't talking about the number of candles on her birthday cake. If your parents are worried that Aidan is "obsessed," they must have a reason.

Sneaking around isn't a way to gain anyone's confidence. Teens show they are mature and responsible enough to handle the privilege of dating by being open, honest, communicating their feelings, listening respectfully to the opinions of others, and shouldering responsibility. If you start now, you may be able to convince your parents that you're ready.

DEAR ABBY: I have been taking trips with a friend for a few years. We share a room and usually have a good time. Unfortunately, my friend is cheap. She fights for every dollar every day of the year even though she is very well off.

Lately she has become worse. During the last tour we took, she "made lunch" off the breakfast buffets in the hotels where we stayed, although most of them had signs posted saying that food should not be taken out. Not once, not twice, but every single day she packed a sandwich, fruit and coffee so she wouldn't have to buy lunch. I asked her to please not do it, but she brushed me off.

I like her, but I hate feeling ashamed of her. I believe in doing the right thing, and doing unto others what I would like them to do unto me, and I have reached the point where I just don't want to travel with her. Any advice? -- CALIFORNIA TRAVELER

DEAR TRAVELER: Yes. Tell your friend you have now taken your last trip together, and then tell her exactly why.

DEAR ABBY: I see so many young girls wear "spike" heels. I know they think they look glamorous, but a word of advice: Learn to walk in them at home. Girls, you look like ducks, walking with your knees bent because the heels are so high and you haven't practiced. I know what I'm talking about because those heels were in style when I was young. -- SMART LADY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SMART LADY: There is nothing wrong with that advice. Practice makes perfect. However, allow me to add another suggestion. When I buy a pair of spike heels (and I do own a few), the first thing I do is take them to my shoemaker and have the heels cut down a quarter of an inch, which makes them more comfortable -- and safer -- to walk in. (If I broke an ankle they'd have to shoot me, because I'd never race again.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Derek," for four years. After a night of emotion-filled discussion, he asked me to marry him. I said yes, but it has always been a difficult idea for me to wrap my head around. I'm turning 21 and although that may be old enough for some people to get married and have kids, it scares the heck out of me.

I love Derek and I want to marry him one day. He assured me we could stay "engaged" for a few years, but it still makes me uneasy. We don't have a ring yet, and we agreed we wouldn't tell our families until we get one. It doesn't feel real because there's no ring and no one knows -- could that be why I'm so nervous?

I need a second opinion and some advice on whether to wait to tell anyone or tell people now. -- COLD FEET

DEAR COLD FEET: An engagement with no ring and no announcement hardly seems like an engagement at all. That's why you and Derek should rethink making any announcements until you both feel ready to take such a big step. When the time is right, the idea of marriage and children will make you feel happy, not frightened.

Frankly, I think your fears may be well founded because you have had little life experience -- and once the ball starts rolling, stopping it may be complicated. That's why you and Derek should remain in a holding pattern until you are more confident about what you want to do.

DEAR ABBY: Although I am not considered bad looking, I'm not extremely beautiful either. Guys find my friends prettier than me.

For a few years I have been thinking about getting a nose job. My parents say I need to wait for all my facial features to adjust to my growing body to prevent facial disfigurement in the future. I think that's just an excuse. When is the right age to get a nose job? -- ALABAMA TEEN

DEAR TEEN: This is a question that should be answered by your personal physician. You didn't state your age, but I don't think your parents are stalling. According to WebMD, it is very important that before a young person has a nose job the facial bones have reached "adult size." The usual age for girls' noses to mature is 15 or 16. (Interestingly, for boys it is a year or so later.)

DEAR ABBY: My father had a son with a woman while he was dating my mother. Mom made Dad choose between her and his son. He chose Mom, and has had no contact with the boy.

Dad doesn't want to interfere with his now-grown son's life. I, on the other hand, would love to reach out and meet my half-brother. Would it be overstepping boundaries if I do this? -- SOMEONE'S SIBLING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SOMEONE'S SIBLING: I'd be curious to know how you became aware of your half-brother's existence, because I'll bet the topic wasn't discussed in your home. While I might have no objection to you reaching out to your half-sibling -- because I am not emotionally involved -- your mother will feel betrayed and angry. If you decide to move forward, be prepared.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone.