DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has been divorced for two years. She shares custody of her two girls, ages 5 and 6, with her ex. She wants to remain friends with him for the sake of the girls. I have supported her friendly relationship with him despite the repeated lies he tells and the deceptive stories he makes up in an attempt to break us up.

Recently, he decided he wants to take his daughters away for a long weekend. He invited my girlfriend to come along and plans to pay for everything, including a hotel room with two beds they will share. I have said repeatedly that this vacation and the arrangements are a deal breaker for me. She assures me that her intent is to be with her daughters and she has no desire for intimacy with her ex. She refuses to change her mind and says I need to trust her. The fact is, I don't trust HIM based on his actions and many issues between them in the past.

Am I paranoid or obsessing over this? I'd appreciate your input. -- UNEASY DOWN SOUTH

DEAR UNEASY: You are neither obsessing nor paranoid. You are normal. Because the ex seems intent on breaking you up and he seems to have no girlfriend in the picture, you have a right to feel uneasy. (I'm assuming that your lady friend is physically fit and if necessary she could defend her virtue.)

Questions that occur to me are: Why would she want to go away for a long "family" weekend under these circumstances? Why would she insist on it even though she knows it bothers the man with whom she has a relationship? And why, after informing her that this will be a deal breaker -- which is an ultimatum -- are you tolerating it?

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl about to head off to college. I have a great relationship with my father, but my mother and I are not on the best of terms.

Half the time, she's loving and supportive and willing to spend time with me. Other times, she is verbally and emotionally abusive. She'll call me a failure and a disappointment, and cry for no reason (most likely to get attention).

She has done this since my childhood, and I want to escape her toxicity by shutting her out of my life as an adult. However, she has threatened suicide (she has tried it before).

My father is on her side and says he will refuse contact with me if I disown her. I want to keep them both in my life, but it has become too difficult to endure her abuse anymore. Please help. -- COLLEGE BOUND IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR COLLEGE BOUND: You're an intelligent young woman. I'm sure that by now you have realized that your mother has serious emotional issues for which one can only hope she is receiving professional help.

When you leave for college, you will no longer be subjected to her mood swings or the hurtful comments she makes when she's not herself. Once you have completed your education you will be on your own, and will most likely make a life for yourself wherever your profession takes you. It isn't necessary to make any decisions about cutting anyone out of your life now. Time will take care of your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 18 years ago. At the time, a friend of mine had found out she was HIV-positive. Thankfully, healthwise she's doing well. To look at her you would never know.

We have reconnected, but I have recently learned that she had several relationships in the past and didn't reveal that she was HIV-positive or use protection. She says she "loves" these men, their families and their children. It makes me sick that she's killing them.

Someone called her doctor and he talked to her about it, but she lied and said that she had told them. These men have no idea! What can be done so she quits spreading this disease? -- SHE'S KILLING THEM IN INDIANA

DEAR S.K.T.: I ran your letter by an old and trusted friend, Dr. Mervyn Silverman, former director of health in San Francisco. He asked me to reassure you that if your friend has been under treatment for HIV, her chances of passing it on are far less than they were years ago. He also mentioned that if these men's wives had contracted HIV from their husbands and become pregnant, that their disease would very likely have been discovered.

You need to talk to your friend and explain that this is both a health issue and one of morality. If she's continuing to have unprotected sex with her partners, there is still some potential risk that she could pass along the virus. So if she truly loves anyone but herself, she will get with the program and be honest about her health status.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of two wonderful daughters. I have a fantastic boyfriend, "Roy," who I met when I was pregnant with my second. We have been together for six months and I love him very much.

Unfortunately, he has become mildly controlling and critical. Roy has no children of his own, and he doesn't seem to realize what goes into working, raising children and running a household. Recently, he gave me a promise ring, which I accepted. He's great with the girls and he makes me happy.

My father, however, says that the controlling behavior will only get worse down the road. I think it's because Roy was laid off from work and is having a hard time finding a job. I'm sure once he's working he'll be less focused on me. Who's right, me or my father? -- MOM OF TWO IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR MOM OF TWO: When a couple has been together for only six months, they are usually still in what is referred to as the "honeymoon phase." Has Roy been jobless since you met him? If the layoff is recent, then his change in behavior may be related to his frustration at not being able to find another job.

However, your father not only has a point, he also has more experience than you do. Pay attention to what he's telling you. If Roy becomes increasingly controlling and critical, you'll know your father was right, and you should return that promise ring. So take your time and please don't rush!

DEAR ABBY: I have been a divorcee for 12 years. I haven't dated in more than a decade. I know a man who was widowed a couple of months ago. His wife died in her sleep. I have always been interested in him. When would it be appropriate to approach him? -- INTERESTED IN CHICAGO

DEAR INTERESTED: If I were you, I'd get in line NOW.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Blake," recently broke up with me -- again. He told me in the beginning that he was bi-curious, and that he wasn't sure he was completely heterosexual. When he broke up with me the first time, we stayed friends. Everyone seemed confused that I still wanted to hang out with him.

We started communicating long-distance again last summer. Blake broke it off again a few months later, stating that he is still questioning who he is.

Is it wrong that we're still friendly? Should I be angrier at Blake? -- STILL THERE FOR HIM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR STILL THERE FOR HIM: I don't see why you should be angry with Blake at all. He has been honest with you from the start that he may be bisexual or gay. I can tell you from experience that gay men make wonderful friends. However, if you are romantic about him, I must caution you against trying to change him because you won't be able to do it. He is who he is.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like your opinion on something that is creating a rift between me and my sister. My 6-year-old daughter, "Mara," who is very sweet and mature, is used to spending the night away from me because she has been spending weekends with her grandparents since she was little. Now she wants to have overnights with "Uncle Bob," who is not a blood relative but a good friend who is like family.

I have no concerns about this even though Bob is a bachelor who never had children. Mara loves him, he loves her, and I trust him. My sister, who is childless, feels strongly that this is not right. She thinks a 6-year-old should only be with her parents and grandparents. She tells me I should ask a psychologist. I am asking you. -- TRUSTING MOM IN MISSOURI

DEAR TRUSTING MOM: I'd be curious to know what Mara's father thinks of this. But since you asked me, let me point out that your little girl may be sweet and mature for her age, but at 6 years old she is also inexperienced, trusting and vulnerable. Because she loves Uncle Bob, I can understand why she might want to stay overnight at his house. In 99 percent of the cases it would be OK. But in light of what we see in the news, it's your job as a mother to err on the side of caution, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have successful careers, and I am happy for that. But now it seems that she's ashamed of us. We gave her the best we could and she graduated from college with no debt, thanks to us. We felt it was our responsibility.

Now that they earn lots of money, it's like we're not worthy of their company. I have talked to other mothers, and it seems they are treated the same way. (I would say it's probably seven out of nine parents.) I know they have busy lives, but I would like some consideration if I am sick or have surgery. Where did I go wrong? -- ANONYMOUS MOM IN ALABAMA

DEAR ANONYMOUS MOM: Not knowing you and your friends or their children, it's hard to say, but if I had to hazard a guess it would be that you gave too much and raised children who grew up with an overinflated sense of entitlement and no sense of gratitude.