DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has been divorced for two years. She shares custody of her two girls, ages 5 and 6, with her ex. She wants to remain friends with him for the sake of the girls. I have supported her friendly relationship with him despite the repeated lies he tells and the deceptive stories he makes up in an attempt to break us up.
Recently, he decided he wants to take his daughters away for a long weekend. He invited my girlfriend to come along and plans to pay for everything, including a hotel room with two beds they will share. I have said repeatedly that this vacation and the arrangements are a deal breaker for me. She assures me that her intent is to be with her daughters and she has no desire for intimacy with her ex. She refuses to change her mind and says I need to trust her. The fact is, I don't trust HIM based on his actions and many issues between them in the past.
Am I paranoid or obsessing over this? I'd appreciate your input. -- UNEASY DOWN SOUTH
DEAR UNEASY: You are neither obsessing nor paranoid. You are normal. Because the ex seems intent on breaking you up and he seems to have no girlfriend in the picture, you have a right to feel uneasy. (I'm assuming that your lady friend is physically fit and if necessary she could defend her virtue.)
Questions that occur to me are: Why would she want to go away for a long "family" weekend under these circumstances? Why would she insist on it even though she knows it bothers the man with whom she has a relationship? And why, after informing her that this will be a deal breaker -- which is an ultimatum -- are you tolerating it?