DEAR ABBY: I recently received a Facebook message from a 47-year-old mother of four who believes she is my daughter. While I do not remember her mother and have communicated this to the woman, the pictures she sent of her children somewhat resemble my family.

I'm happily married with two sons, and my wife is aware of this and will support any decision I make. I'm conflicted about the choices before me and the impact they may have on her family and mine. What is the right thing to do? -- CONFLICTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Try to get a little more background from the woman about her mother. For instance, WHY does she think you are her father? Were you and her mother ever in the same place at the same time? If there is a possibility that you could be her dad, the ethical thing to do would be to let her know that your attorney will be contacting her to arrange a DNA test.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell me what to say to persuade my friend to stop driving up in front of my house and honking his horn. I have asked him twice not to do it, but it continues.

It may seem like a small thing to him, but I think it's disrespectful to me for him to toot his horn like I'm supposed to come running out. A more courteous approach would be to call me and say he's near, or to ring the doorbell when he arrives. Am I being old-fashioned? -- EXPECTS RESPECT IN CHARLOTTE, N.C.

DEAR EXPECTS: No. In light of the fact that you have asked this person more than once not to do this, he is rude. In addition, when a driver honks his or her horn repeatedly in a residential neighborhood, the noise can be disruptive to your neighbors.

DEAR ABBY: I recently phoned one of my mother's best friends, "Edna," to wish her a happy birthday. It was her 101st. When I asked her about her family, she spent some time sobbing over the recent news that her eldest son has cancer.

My first thought -- and that of several others -- was, why was she told?! Edna is frail and in poor health. She has seen her share of tragedies and losses in her long life, and I think she should have been spared this devastating news.

Hearing her sob on her birthday broke my heart. However, a couple of my friends disagreed with me. They thought she ought to know. Your thoughts on this would be appreciated. -- WONDERING IN THE WEST

DEAR WONDERING: There are no hard-and-fast rules that apply to these situations. Although Edna may no longer be able to live independently, her thinking may be clear and she is still the matriarch of the family. When you withhold information from someone, even if it's well-intentioned, it isolates the person. Because the conversation upset you to such an extent that you felt you had to write to me, my thought is you should let Edna's children know what happened.

DEAR ABBY: My son is being deployed for 10 months. His wife and baby are coming to live with me, and I am thrilled.

My concern is that his wife is a picky eater and she doesn't do much around the house. Would it be too much to ask her to help with the chores while my husband and I are at work? How do I handle the mealtime dilemma? (She doesn't cook.)

I don't want her to feel like she's our live-in maid or that we're mean about the meals we prepare. We want to be the best in-laws we can be. Help? -- MEANING WELL IN THE EAST

DEAR MEANING WELL: After your daughter-in-law arrives, schedule a family meeting during which everyone's household responsibilities will be discussed. If necessary, create a chart to keep track of them. If there are things she is able to do, assign them to her. If she's clueless, then teach her. Do not overload her, and make sure she understands that you and your husband also have chores you will be doing.

Because she's a picky eater, ask her to list what items she wants in the house so they are available. If she's interested, offer to show her how to prepare some of the dishes your son has always enjoyed because it would be a nice surprise for him once he returns. And arrange regular monthly meetings, so that if adjustments need to be made, they can be done without hurt feelings or misunderstandings.

You are all adults. If you want this to work and are all willing to communicate and listen, you should be able to accomplish your goal without your daughter-in-law feeling like the maid.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband are taking their three boys to Europe for five weeks. The 13-year-old has been acting out. He has been rude to his school bus driver, disrespectful to his mother, was the "class clown," and shows all the signs of an uncomfortable pubescent boy without a safety net to catch him.

We are two states apart, so it would be difficult to lend a hand. My grandsons are very close to me, and there are lots of tears when they leave Grandma.

I taught inner-city school for 20 years and have often told my daughter how important consistency is. This precious boy is pleading for attention the wrong way. The other two boys, ages 9 and 12, are not problematic kids.

My fear is that the 13-year-old is not ready or mature enough to handle five weeks in Europe, and not disciplined enough to keep his cool. He is capable of a caper that may lead to his disappearance.

Am I crazy to be this concerned? I have told my daughter my thoughts, but she is the mother, so I am treading lightly. -- WORRYING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRYING: Are you "crazy"? No. You are a loving, caring grandmother who is worried about her grandson. But regardless of how well-meaning you are, this isn't your decision to make. If you have shared your thoughts with your daughter, you have done as much as you can. Now cross your fingers and wish them bon voyage.

DEAR ABBY: My father is expecting his seventh child with his current "fiancee." I am the oldest of six girls; this child is expected to be a son. His fiancee is 11 years my junior -- 33 years younger than my father.

I recently started a family and have two children under the age of 2. For various reasons, I am fed up with playing nice regarding my father's relationships and irresponsible behavior.

They are having a baby shower for the expectant parents, and I don't want to attend. My husband thinks I am wrong because I can't muster up the spirit that a baby shower is supposed to evoke. I think I'm being smart for not bringing my funky attitude. Should I attend? -- OLDEST CHILD

DEAR OLDEST: I don't know how your siblings feel about this impending birth, but try to remember that showers are intended to celebrate the new life that's coming into the world. This isn't about whether you approve of your father's behavior or his choice of women. If he is as irresponsible as you say, that poor little boy will need all the help and emotional support he can get in the future.

If you opt not to attend, it may drive a wedge between you and your father, so I'm voting with your husband. Go with your siblings, be pleasant and leave your funky attitude at home, because if you don't, the person you will be isolating is yourself.

DEAR ABBY: What is it with people? My mother-in-law, "Ellen," passed away last Thursday. Even before her viewing a neighbor informed us -- through Ellen's attorney -- that Ellen had given her a wicker patio set that the neighbor hadn't taken, but had told Ellen to use as long as she wanted. Then at the church, before the funeral service, another friend told us Ellen had intended to donate some used items to a charity, implying that we are obligated to do the same.

Don't people have manners any longer? -- OFFENDED IN OHIO

DEAR OFFENDED: Your letter illustrates why it is so important for everyone to put their wishes in writing before departing. While I agree with you that the timing was insensitive, the people involved may have wanted to be sure you were aware of Ellen's intentions before you disposed of the items.

Before distributing any of your mother-in-law's effects, this is something you should first discuss with her lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: As a young adult in my early 20s, I've been experiencing some pretty big changes in my life, including (after some major research and internal debate) the decision to convert to a different religion. However, something is preventing me from following through: I have an anxiety disorder that makes being in new situations and places I'm unfamiliar with extremely daunting. I'm not having second thoughts about my choice by any means. I am just at a loss about where I should start and what I need to do. Any advice is welcomed. -- ANXIOUS CONVERT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Visit the church, temple or mosque you wish to join and share your concerns with the priest, minister, rabbi or imam. If you do, that person can see you are introduced around and ease your way into the religious community.