DEAR ABBY: My father is expecting his seventh child with his current "fiancee." I am the oldest of six girls; this child is expected to be a son. His fiancee is 11 years my junior -- 33 years younger than my father.

I recently started a family and have two children under the age of 2. For various reasons, I am fed up with playing nice regarding my father's relationships and irresponsible behavior.

They are having a baby shower for the expectant parents, and I don't want to attend. My husband thinks I am wrong because I can't muster up the spirit that a baby shower is supposed to evoke. I think I'm being smart for not bringing my funky attitude. Should I attend? -- OLDEST CHILD

DEAR OLDEST: I don't know how your siblings feel about this impending birth, but try to remember that showers are intended to celebrate the new life that's coming into the world. This isn't about whether you approve of your father's behavior or his choice of women. If he is as irresponsible as you say, that poor little boy will need all the help and emotional support he can get in the future.

If you opt not to attend, it may drive a wedge between you and your father, so I'm voting with your husband. Go with your siblings, be pleasant and leave your funky attitude at home, because if you don't, the person you will be isolating is yourself.

DEAR ABBY: What is it with people? My mother-in-law, "Ellen," passed away last Thursday. Even before her viewing a neighbor informed us -- through Ellen's attorney -- that Ellen had given her a wicker patio set that the neighbor hadn't taken, but had told Ellen to use as long as she wanted. Then at the church, before the funeral service, another friend told us Ellen had intended to donate some used items to a charity, implying that we are obligated to do the same.

Don't people have manners any longer? -- OFFENDED IN OHIO

DEAR OFFENDED: Your letter illustrates why it is so important for everyone to put their wishes in writing before departing. While I agree with you that the timing was insensitive, the people involved may have wanted to be sure you were aware of Ellen's intentions before you disposed of the items.

Before distributing any of your mother-in-law's effects, this is something you should first discuss with her lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: As a young adult in my early 20s, I've been experiencing some pretty big changes in my life, including (after some major research and internal debate) the decision to convert to a different religion. However, something is preventing me from following through: I have an anxiety disorder that makes being in new situations and places I'm unfamiliar with extremely daunting. I'm not having second thoughts about my choice by any means. I am just at a loss about where I should start and what I need to do. Any advice is welcomed. -- ANXIOUS CONVERT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Visit the church, temple or mosque you wish to join and share your concerns with the priest, minister, rabbi or imam. If you do, that person can see you are introduced around and ease your way into the religious community.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and live with my parents. I have a part-time job and I also attend a local university. My parents and I have always gotten along, and I have been obedient and respectful of their rules.

I have suffered from depression for years, but now I have finally met someone who makes me happy and feel like I am worth something. Abby, he is of a different race. This doesn't mean anything to me. I know he's a great guy and I really like him. The problem is, my parents are very racist.

They have done so much for me that I feel guilty dating someone they don't approve of. They have told me to never date someone like that. I am torn and ashamed of them, and I don't know what to do.

How do I break it to them? Am I wrong for being with a genuine, amazing guy who finally makes me happy? -- FINALLY MET SOMEONE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FINALLY MET SOMEONE: I'm glad you are finally feeling better about yourself as a person, but before discussing this with your parents, it would be better if you separate the issues of your chronic depression and your feelings for this young man.

If this relationship were to end for some reason, would you cycle back down? If your parents react badly -- as they may -- would you be able to live independently? Are your parents capable of moderating their attitude about people of a different race? And because racism can be universal, how does his family feel about you?

Please consider these questions carefully, because until you have the answers and are prepared to be out on your own, I don't think you should make any announcements.

DEAR ABBY: I run around with my sister "Pam" a lot. She is eight years older. She had a face-lift some years ago, and she continues to seek out cosmetic procedures to enhance her appearance. I have had Botox and fillers, but do not want a face-lift. I am trying to age gracefully, just at a slightly slower pace.

I love my sister and I think she looks beautiful. However, when Pam and I are together and tell people we're sisters, they always think I'm the older one. My feelings are hurt.

When our father died, I gained 30 pounds. Food was how I dealt with my grief. I have been working hard to get in better shape and lose weight. I am halfway to my goal, and proud of myself, but when these encounters happen, I get thrown. How do I answer people who ask about the age difference and make those comments? -- YOUNGER ONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR YOUNGER ONE: Not everyone ages at the same rate, and I don't think the people who make those comments do it intending to be hurtful. With all the help she's getting, it's no wonder your sister appears younger.

If someone remarks about you appearing older, all you have to say is, "Nope! She's my BIG sister." And should someone comment on your appearance, be honest. Say you gained some weight, but you're working on taking it off and getting back into shape. It's no disgrace; it's admirable.

DEAR ABBY: I am 59 and have a steady, good-paying job. I was married for 20 years, but divorced 11 years ago. I am set in my ways.

I have been seeing a woman, "Melinda," for eight years now. She's 51 and also has a steady job. We live 30 miles apart. Our relationship has been somewhat rocky, but we have also had some really great times.

Melinda has said for years that she wants to get married. It makes me nervous. My hands sweat and I think of every excuse not to when she brings it up. I'm in love with her, but when she brings up marriage, I run and hide.

She feels our relationship should end so she'll be free to meet someone else and marry. She deserves that right, and I understand it. I struggle, though, when I don't hear from her, speak to her or I imagine her with someone else. It drives me nuts, and I end up contacting her. We start talking and things seem fine for a while, until the M-word is mentioned.

I suggested we move in together and see how it works, but it never happened. Abby, what is my problem? Why can't I get married? -- TORN & STRUGGLING IN ARIZONA

DEAR TORN & STRUGGLING: Your problem may be that your first marriage -- and probably your divorce -- left you marriage-averse. Because you're in love with Melinda and can't manage without her, let me suggest that you discuss this with a licensed mental health professional and see if you can get beyond your fears. Joint counseling with Melinda would also be helpful for both of you, to ensure there are fewer rocky patches in your relationship in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I have a special "Pennies From Heaven" story to share with you.

My dear grandmother recently lost her long battle with Alzheimer's. Toward the end, we weren't sure how aware she was, and if she understood us when we spoke to her. Tonight, my husband, my sister and I decided to have dinner at Grandma's house and go through her photos for her funeral.

After dinner, my sister asked if we had any chocolate. My husband said, "What about the chocolate in the refrigerator?" I hadn't seen any, but when I went to look, there was a packet of chocolate bars wedged in between the drawers. The expiration date on the wrapper was two years ago, when Grandma last lived in the house.

Abby, the refrigerator had been cleaned out multiple times, but somehow we missed the chocolate until today when we needed a sign from my grandmother that she was near.

Grandma was a Dear Abby fan. We found many of your clippings among her photos. I know she'd love it if you shared this story with your readers. -- JEAN'S GRANDDAUGHTER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR JEAN'S GRANDDAUGHTER: I'm glad to do it. And speaking as another chocoholic, that you found Grandma's stash in your time of need warmed my heart. I hope it lifted your spirits during what had to be an emotional time. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dear grandmother.