DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 20. I have a well-paying job and live with my mother in a small town. My issue is I don't know how to break away from her.

My older siblings still live here, too. They don't help pay rent, utilities, groceries or anything. Mom and I pay for everything in a house of six people. My boyfriend and I have discussed living together, but I don't know how I will ever be able to leave. No one else helps Mom, and I don't want her to lose the house.

I know the solution is "everyone will have to pay their way." But they don't, and Mom won't enforce it. I want to help her because she's my mother, but I have my own life and I can't stay here forever.

How should I approach this with her? I don't want there to be bad feelings. I don't know if I'm selfish wanting to move in with my boyfriend, but I want a life of my own. -- STUCK IN THE WEST

DEAR STUCK: If your mother can't keep her house on her own, there are serious problems ahead for her. If she doesn't have the income to afford it, she may have to find a job or sell it.

It should not be your responsibility to support the family. Your siblings aren't contributing to the household because your mother has been enabling them to avoid it. Have a private conversation with her. Tell her you plan to move out, so you are giving her plenty of notice and a departure date.

I caution you, however, against moving in with your boyfriend if it's because of a desire to escape this unfair situation. It would be better for you to be economically independent and have experienced living on your own before moving in with anyone. That way, you will be less vulnerable should the romance not work out as envisioned, because not all of them do.

DEAR ABBY: One of my friends who I work with is getting married this summer. She recently asked me for my address and, since we also went to school together, asked me to give her a few other friends' addresses as well. So imagine my surprise when my friends all received invitations to her wedding in the mail and I did not.

I think it's possible that my invitation legitimately was lost in the mail or it may have been an honest oversight. However, I realize it's also possible that she wants to keep her wedding small and decided against inviting me.

How do I politely ask if I'm invited to her wedding? I've tried bringing up the subject in conversation at work, but I'm afraid it would be rude to directly ask if I'm still invited. I consider her a good friend and get along great with her fiance, so I'm thinking it was an honest mistake. -- TIRED OF BEING "MINNESOTA NICE"

DEAR TIRED: I don't think that being direct would be rude. Because you consider her a good friend, ask whether your wedding invitation could have been lost in the mail because it's possible it may have been. If she responds that you are not invited, you'll not only know where you stand, but also that SHE is NOT "Minnesota Nice."

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my best friend's fiance raped me. He is a man I've known for many years, and I didn't see it coming. I became pregnant but had a miscarriage two months later. I recently had to have a hysterectomy from damage incurred from the rape and the miscarriage.

I never went to the police or pressed charges, and very few people are aware of the whole horrific experience. I have been beyond traumatized by what happened.

My best friend knows nothing about it, and I have been unable to face her since that awful night. We text now and then, and she keeps asking why I have suddenly dropped out of her life. I don't know if I can tell her the truth. We were as close as sisters, and I honestly miss her like crazy, but I can't be part of her life if this monster is in it.

Do I tell the truth? Or do I just shut her out of my life? This has taken a physical and emotional toll on me. Please give me some advice. -- MISSING A FRIEND IN CANADA

DEAR MISSING: Gladly. Find the nearest rape and sexual assault treatment center in your province and make an appointment immediately! You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter, and the people there can counsel you not only on what to do, but also what your options are at this point. Your friend should absolutely be informed about what she's getting into if she marries your rapist, but I do not recommend that you tell her until you have strong emotional support beside you.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend invited me to a sex toy party. The saleswoman hosting the event is a distant acquaintance.

What is the most polite way to ask her if she has informed her family of her profession? Is it OK to attend if she hasn't told her relatives she sells sex products? If I refuse her invitation, would it be polite to enclose an order for some of her products? I prefer to buy from a reputable saleswoman rather than some anonymous website. -- AWKWARD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AWKWARD: I don't think it would be appropriate to ask your hostess whether she has informed her family about her career, although I suspect she has made them aware of it. And if you prefer to decline the invitation, I'm sure enclosing an order for her products would be fine with her -- and possibly the start of an ongoing business relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend invited me to a sex toy party. The saleswoman hosting the event is a distant acquaintance.

What is the most polite way to ask her if she has informed her family of her profession? Is it OK to attend if she hasn't told her relatives she sells sex products? If I refuse her invitation, would it be polite to enclose an order for some of her products? I prefer to buy from a reputable saleswoman rather than some anonymous website. -- AWKWARD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR AWKWARD: I don't think it would be appropriate to ask your hostess whether she has informed her family about her career, although I suspect she has made them aware of it. And if you prefer to decline the invitation, I'm sure enclosing an order for her products would be fine with her -- and possibly the start of an ongoing business relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My mom turned 60 last month, and I hosted a party at her house for friends and family. As things were winding down, I took a break from cleaning up to look over the birthday cards from well-wishers that were displayed on a living room table. Among them was a big, gorgeous card from "Cassie," a woman around my mother's age, who I always thought was nothing more than an acquaintance.

As I read the message she had written inside, my jaw dropped. While not pornographic, her message made clear that she and Mom have an intimate physical relationship that has been going on for a while.

I have not discussed the card with Mom, but I suspect she knows I saw it. Lately, I have canceled our weekly lunches together. I don't have anything against gays; I believe they are entitled to a love life just like the rest of us. But in this case, I can't help but feel betrayed. Mom was married to Dad for 32 years, bore him three children and seemed happy. Was this all a lie?

My biggest concern is, if this relationship becomes permanent, how do I explain it to my children -- or worse, my brothers, whose views are conservative and some might say bigoted. I can't help but wonder if Mom left the card out so she could open a can of worms in my lap. How should I approach this? Please help! -- DUMBFOUNDED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Some people are bisexual, which means they can be attracted to people of both genders. Your mother may have had a very happy marriage, and then she met Cassie. If she is no longer with your father, it is not a "betrayal" of anyone.

Call your mother and arrange to get together. Tell her you saw the card. She may not have told you about her relationship with Cassie because she was afraid you would react as you have. IF they become a couple and your children ask questions (keep in mind, they may not ask), tell them the truth. As to making any announcements to your bigoted brothers, leave that up to your mother and resist the urge to be the town crier.

DEAR ABBY: I'm only 18. I know I have a lot to learn in life, but I need help. I'm madly in love with a guy who is "bipolar" about our relationship. One day he loves me and the next he doesn't.

Today he said he needed some time alone because we've been together 24/7. I got all mad and started to go crazy. He's not breaking up with me. I know he needs space, but I can't bring myself to let him have it. I don't want to lose him. Please help me figure out a way to stay with him. -- GOT A GOOD ONE IN MISSOURI

DEAR GOT A GOOD ONE: If you want to keep your boyfriend, let him have his freedom. I know it sounds contradictory, but the harder you try to hang onto him, the more he will want to get away.

And by the way, while he's enjoying his "space," you should do exactly the same thing he is doing. If you isolate yourself, you will only become depressed, insecure and clingy, none of which are attractive traits.