DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Many years ago I found out, inadvertently, that my wife is adopted. (My wife has no siblings, and her parents died when she was in college.) Concerned that she might not know about it, I contacted senior members of her family to confirm. They all confirmed what I had heard and said my wife knows about it.

I think it's odd she never shared this with me. It wouldn't change things between us, but it bothers me that she has never told me. To the best of my knowledge, she has no idea that I know. I am having major heart surgery in the fall, and this is something I would like to discuss with her before I do. I'm curious to hear your thoughts. -- LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: Tell your wife what you learned, that you're surprised she never mentioned it, and ask her why. It's a fair question, and being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore and have a boyfriend, although we keep our relationship to ourselves. I get asked out a few times a week by other boys who are clearly interested.

My boyfriend doesn't mind that I have male friends, but my problem is the other boys are never direct about their intentions. Usually, they'll say it's to "hang out" or "grab dinner" -- very casual, vague invitations. To accept would make me feel I'm leading them on somehow, but to refuse "because I have a boyfriend" would make it look like I'm jumping to conclusions about them.

Is there a polite way to tell someone that you're seeing someone -- without being accusatory -- but that you would still like to be friends? -- JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS

DEAR JUMPING: Say it this way: "I'd love to, but, you know, I have a boyfriend. Would that be a problem for you?" If the boy says no -- then go. If he hits on you after that, tell him you think he's great, but you want to be friends -- one can never have enough friends -- and you're not looking for another romance. If the boy respects you, he'll accept it and not try again while you and your boyfriend are together.

DEAR ABBY: I feel that the longer you go to the same hairdresser, the more she takes you for granted. The service gets worse. When I have shared this opinion with some of her other clients, they agreed.

The salon does not have a receptionist. Whoever is there just picks up the phone, whether the stylist is working on a customer or not. During my last haircut, which usually lasts about half an hour, she answered the phone six times. I pay for my appointment, and it should be at least relaxing. Have your readers had the same experience? -- MIKE IN NEW YORK

DEAR MIKE: I'm sure some of them have, unless they told the stylist they're using they don't like being treated that way. So speak up. As a paying customer, it is your privilege.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and a single mom of an almost 4-month-old girl. Her father is a drug addict. He manipulated me into having sex, which I had told him I didn't want to do until I was married. Also, I told him from the beginning of our relationship that if we ever got married and started a family, I never wanted drugs around my children.

The day I found out I was pregnant, he was there. However, later that night when I went out to the garage, I caught him snorting. Is it wrong of me to not involve him in her life? I've given him multiple chances to prove himself of being worthy. -- TEEN MOM

DEAR TEEN MOM: You're not wrong. As long as your boyfriend is involved with drugs, they will come first, and you and your child won't be able to count on him -- for anything. This is why it is crucial that you now make your education a priority and earn your high school diploma. You are going to need one -- and possibly further education -- in order to support the both of you. In the meantime, a counselor at your high school can guide you regarding financial aid if you need it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old Muslim woman who has fallen in love with an agnostic 35-year-old man, "William." The next step in our relationship is marriage, and my problem is our future kids.

My family expects me to marry a Muslim man and have Muslim children. William says that the kids may grow up not wanting to be Muslim, as I would like to raise them, and says he would support whatever they want to be.

I want my children to be Muslim, but I really love this man. My family and religion would not approve such a marriage. Do I walk away knowing I may never love a Muslim man the same way I love William, or marry William, risk the possibility of losing my family, and accept whatever else comes along on this difficult road? -- TORN ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR TORN: You appear to be a traditional, family-oriented young woman. I assume you are also involved in the Muslim community. If you marry William, the chances of losing all of that are great, and your likelihood of raising devout Muslim children in a household where both parents don't practice the religion will be less.

While you may not love someone else the way you love William, the chances that you will find someone else to love again are good. Because you had to ask me this question, I'm advising you to let William go. If you plan to go ahead with this, you need to have your eyes wide open about what the price will be -- because it will be high.

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbor keeps asking to use my lawn mower. When he uses it, he runs over stumps and garbage in his yard. I feel he's abusing my generosity. I have hinted that he should pick up things in the yard before he mows, but he never listens. How should I handle this? -- DULL BLADES IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR DULL BLADES: Stop beating around the bush instead of being direct. When your neighbor asks to borrow the mower again, tell him that in the past when he has returned it to you, the blades were dull and it created problems for you. Then say no.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single woman who borrowed $80,000 to send my daughter to college with the understanding that she would take over the payments once she was professionally established. She is now so "into" her new lifestyle that she is refusing to have contact with her "poor" birth mother. She refuses to take responsibility for repaying the loan, which is in my name, and says "tough luck" to my stupidity.

This means I will have to continue working until I drop dead. Abby, I am 60. Is there any help for me? Has this happened to other baby boomers? -- POOR BIRTH MOTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR POOR: Sadly, yes it has. And no, there isn't help for you. Because the agreement with your daughter was verbal and wasn't put in writing, you don't have a legal means to force her to assume the loan payments.

DEAR ABBY: I have a difficult situation at work. A co-worker lost her driver's license two years ago, and I began providing her transportation. In the beginning it was occasional, but now it's almost daily. I don't know how to get out of this situation because it is taking a toll on me and my time.

She has somewhat compensated me for gas, but I have two jobs and family obligations that limit my time off, and I just can't continue this taxi service. We work side-by-side at my day job. I care about her and our friendship, but can no longer continue allowing her hardship to be my hardship. Abby, please advise how to break the news to her. -- NOT A TAXI SERVICE

DEAR NOT: Explain it to your co-worker just as you have explained it to me -- that it has become more time-consuming and stressful than you can handle, given your other obligations. Rather than cut her off cold turkey, give her some notice -- say a week -- to arrange for other transportation. Do not apologize or feel guilty about doing so. You have been more generous and supportive than many people would have.

P.S. You didn't mention why she lost her driving privileges, but if it's still possible for her to reapply for a driver's license, you should suggest it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are part of a tight-knit social group. There are four couples who get together for dinner once or twice a week. We all decide on a theme beforehand and bring a dish, potluck-style. My problem is that one of the couples will announce during dinner, "Those potatoes are our leftovers from three days ago," or, "We had this for dinner last night."

Is it just me, or is that gross? I always prepare something fresh for these dinners, as does everyone else. They are not struggling for money, and time isn't the issue. Should I say something? I tend to ignore what they bring, but I think they will notice eventually. Is this something I should keep my mouth shut about? Or is it bad manners to feed someone else your leftovers? -- POTLUCK IN OREGON

DEAR POTLUCK: Bad manners? No. Lacking in tact? Yes. Keep in mind that some dishes taste better the next day, after the flavors have had time to meld. If the other couples in the group feel as you do, the "offending" couple should be informed. However, if you are the only person who's turned off, then keep your mouth shut and continue to "pass" on what they bring.