DEAR ABBY: I'm having a hard time getting over a secret my boyfriend, "Wayne," kept from me. We have been off and on for 14 years, but back on for the past four. The problem is, he had a child with a woman in a different country. The child is now 9. Wayne didn't mention it until four years ago, during our last breakup. It bothers me that he kept it from me.

I have since met the woman and the child, but my trust in my boyfriend is strained. In the back of my mind I keep wondering what else he hasn't told me. Abby, he was always against having kids with me. He said he didn't want any. Now I wonder if it was because he already had one.

Wayne is surprised I'm so challenged by this. He says he and the woman dated for only a few months, then broke up because he didn't feel they were compatible. She told me their child was the product of a one-night stand. Now I don't know who to believe. Please advise. -- BETRAYED OUT WEST

DEAR BETRAYED: There is a reason why you and Wayne have been "off and on" for 14 years, and I'm guessing it's because he has a problem with commitment. Now it appears he may also have a problem leveling with you. If you have to make a choice about whom to believe, I think you should believe the mother of his child because by telling you what she did, it's clear she wasn't trying to make herself look any better.

DEAR ABBY: My 85-year-old mother told me that upon her death she is leaving each of her children a letter expressing to them how they have hurt her throughout the years. Never once has she acknowledged how deeply she has hurt us. It affected our childhood and adulthood. I think if she feels we hurt her, she should say it to us while she's living.

It has always been about Mom's needs, not ours. I, for one, plan to put her unopened letter in her coffin to be buried with her when the time comes. Her letter is just a final hurtful arrow to stab us with, and I already have had a lifetime of that. I don't need her to damage me further.

Am I wrong? Normally parents leave heartwarming letters to give their children peace. She reads your column, so I hope she reconsiders. -- ALREADY WOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ALREADY WOUNDED: You're not wrong. Your mother appears to be toxic. Sending her negativity down with her is a perfect solution in my opinion.

DEAR ABBY: I am an Irish-American man with a problem of the heart. I recently began reconnecting on social media with a girl I knew in high school. I wrote her several times, and she said what I wrote was very sweet and kind. She told me, however, that she was seeing someone. I said I understood and did not want to mess up the relationship.

I decided to bide my time and hope she becomes free. I love her with all my heart, and this waiting is killing me. Should I keep biding my time and waiting, or should I move on? -- HOPING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HOPING: When the woman told you she was seeing someone, she may have been trying to tell you kindly that she isn't interested in a romance with you. For you to put your life on hold waiting for a woman you haven't seen since high school would be a mistake, and that's why I'm advising you to move on.

DEAR ABBY: We have two lovely daughters in their 20s. The older one lives with her boyfriend. They are expecting a baby soon. Our younger daughter lives with us, and she's planning on moving in with her boyfriend.

We're an old married couple, and we're not sure how to treat our daughters' boyfriends. However, "Gerald" is the father of our new grandchild, and we think of him as family. "Joel" is a great guy who is in love with our younger daughter and vice versa, so we think of him as family, too.

We stumbled through the holidays not knowing if we should get gifts for them. Joel is having a birthday soon. Should we get him a gift? We want to bring the boyfriends into our family and treat them like our children, but we don't know if we're overstepping our bounds. Can we start treating them like sons and wait for them to correct us? -- STUMBLING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR STUMBLING: Stop stumbling. I can't think of a better way to draw your daughters' significant others into your family than to open your hearts, let them know they are welcome and treat them that way.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and will start my senior year of high school next fall. Recently, I started talking to this boy in my cooking class named "Ethan." He's a year older, but I decided to make the first move. We went on a few dates and he was quiet, reserved and respectful. Overall, he's a nice guy.

At first the fact that he's only an inch taller than I am bothered me. But then he told me about a foot deformity he has. He said two of his toes on each foot are attached and he calls them "webbed." When he sent me a photo one day to prove it, I realized his toes were almost entirely attached and I freaked out. I don't know how to feel. Am I being shallow? -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: No, I think you're being foolish. Ethan's toes are his issue, and you appear to be making it yours. You say he's a nice guy. Try to remember you are not dating his feet, you are dating the person to which they are appended, and a person's toes are not the measure of his character.

P.S. This is an excellent example of why it's unwise to send photos of one's anatomy.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married for the second time. Some of the guests were invited to her first wedding and will be invited to her second one as well.

As her mother, I don't feel right about expecting certain guests who have already given her one wedding gift to give her another at the second wedding. How would you suggest we convey to this "select group" that a gift is not expected from them? Would it be proper to state something such as "Your presence is our present"? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, AGAIN

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: No mention of gifts should be made in your daughter's wedding invitation. I agree that guests who gave your daughter gifts for her first wedding should not feel compelled to buy her anything more than a token gift for this one. This goes for any guest who attended the first wedding, not just "select" guests, whatever that means. Any discussion regarding gifts should be done verbally by you if you are hosting the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has Alzheimer's. She has been in a nursing home for 10 years. I feel sorry for her because she can't verbalize that her teeth are killing her, but I can see the pain in her face and hear her grind her teeth. When I asked her if her teeth hurt, she rubbed my arm up and down, which I took to mean yes. I asked for her to be seen by a doctor, but at this time we have to wait at least six weeks to see one.

Something I would like people to know is there is little dental care available in nursing homes. Because of improved dental care by the general public, many more people arrive in nursing homes with their teeth intact than they used to. This sounds good, but the problem is that patients often refuse to allow anyone to assist them with oral hygiene. Eventually they may become too frail to withstand the stress of surgery or other treatment that comes with failing teeth.

As I understand it, not many dentists are willing to shoulder the extra challenge of caring for this "difficult" population, or the red tape of getting paid for the care of patients in nursing homes.

It is very important to take care of our teeth as we age. Once we or our loved one enters a nursing home, we need to continue their dental hygiene to the best of our abilities. We can help overworked staff by encouraging our loved ones to brush and floss. Take them out for a checkup every six months.

I can't stand a toothache for a day. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, especially someone with Alzheimer's who cannot ask for help. I wish I had been more aware. Please let the public know how important this is. -- NANCY C. IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR NANCY: As you noted, people are keeping their teeth longer. We now know that a healthy mouth is important for good overall health, no matter what your age.

In addition to dentists, there are now dental hygienists in many states who can provide care for people in nursing homes and homebound patients. Some specialize in treating the developmentally disabled and "difficult" populations.

Specially licensed dental hygienists can provide services outside of the dental office in the states that allow it, and can refer the patient to a dentist for further service. In the United States, individual states determine the scope of practice for providers, which includes what types of services dental hygienists may provide in that state.

Several states are currently working to expand their oral care workforce and improve access to care -- in part to meet the growing aging population who are retaining their teeth. In West Virginia, dental hygienists are permitted to deliver care in nursing homes and a variety of other settings. If you have additional questions, the American Dental Hygienists' Association (adha.org) can provide further state-specific information on this subject.