DEAR ABBY: We have two lovely daughters in their 20s. The older one lives with her boyfriend. They are expecting a baby soon. Our younger daughter lives with us, and she's planning on moving in with her boyfriend.

We're an old married couple, and we're not sure how to treat our daughters' boyfriends. However, "Gerald" is the father of our new grandchild, and we think of him as family. "Joel" is a great guy who is in love with our younger daughter and vice versa, so we think of him as family, too.

We stumbled through the holidays not knowing if we should get gifts for them. Joel is having a birthday soon. Should we get him a gift? We want to bring the boyfriends into our family and treat them like our children, but we don't know if we're overstepping our bounds. Can we start treating them like sons and wait for them to correct us? -- STUMBLING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR STUMBLING: Stop stumbling. I can't think of a better way to draw your daughters' significant others into your family than to open your hearts, let them know they are welcome and treat them that way.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and will start my senior year of high school next fall. Recently, I started talking to this boy in my cooking class named "Ethan." He's a year older, but I decided to make the first move. We went on a few dates and he was quiet, reserved and respectful. Overall, he's a nice guy.

At first the fact that he's only an inch taller than I am bothered me. But then he told me about a foot deformity he has. He said two of his toes on each foot are attached and he calls them "webbed." When he sent me a photo one day to prove it, I realized his toes were almost entirely attached and I freaked out. I don't know how to feel. Am I being shallow? -- NERVOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NERVOUS: No, I think you're being foolish. Ethan's toes are his issue, and you appear to be making it yours. You say he's a nice guy. Try to remember you are not dating his feet, you are dating the person to which they are appended, and a person's toes are not the measure of his character.

P.S. This is an excellent example of why it's unwise to send photos of one's anatomy.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married for the second time. Some of the guests were invited to her first wedding and will be invited to her second one as well.

As her mother, I don't feel right about expecting certain guests who have already given her one wedding gift to give her another at the second wedding. How would you suggest we convey to this "select group" that a gift is not expected from them? Would it be proper to state something such as "Your presence is our present"? -- MOTHER OF THE BRIDE, AGAIN

DEAR MOTHER OF THE BRIDE: No mention of gifts should be made in your daughter's wedding invitation. I agree that guests who gave your daughter gifts for her first wedding should not feel compelled to buy her anything more than a token gift for this one. This goes for any guest who attended the first wedding, not just "select" guests, whatever that means. Any discussion regarding gifts should be done verbally by you if you are hosting the wedding.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has Alzheimer's. She has been in a nursing home for 10 years. I feel sorry for her because she can't verbalize that her teeth are killing her, but I can see the pain in her face and hear her grind her teeth. When I asked her if her teeth hurt, she rubbed my arm up and down, which I took to mean yes. I asked for her to be seen by a doctor, but at this time we have to wait at least six weeks to see one.

Something I would like people to know is there is little dental care available in nursing homes. Because of improved dental care by the general public, many more people arrive in nursing homes with their teeth intact than they used to. This sounds good, but the problem is that patients often refuse to allow anyone to assist them with oral hygiene. Eventually they may become too frail to withstand the stress of surgery or other treatment that comes with failing teeth.

As I understand it, not many dentists are willing to shoulder the extra challenge of caring for this "difficult" population, or the red tape of getting paid for the care of patients in nursing homes.

It is very important to take care of our teeth as we age. Once we or our loved one enters a nursing home, we need to continue their dental hygiene to the best of our abilities. We can help overworked staff by encouraging our loved ones to brush and floss. Take them out for a checkup every six months.

I can't stand a toothache for a day. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, especially someone with Alzheimer's who cannot ask for help. I wish I had been more aware. Please let the public know how important this is. -- NANCY C. IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR NANCY: As you noted, people are keeping their teeth longer. We now know that a healthy mouth is important for good overall health, no matter what your age.

In addition to dentists, there are now dental hygienists in many states who can provide care for people in nursing homes and homebound patients. Some specialize in treating the developmentally disabled and "difficult" populations.

Specially licensed dental hygienists can provide services outside of the dental office in the states that allow it, and can refer the patient to a dentist for further service. In the United States, individual states determine the scope of practice for providers, which includes what types of services dental hygienists may provide in that state.

Several states are currently working to expand their oral care workforce and improve access to care -- in part to meet the growing aging population who are retaining their teeth. In West Virginia, dental hygienists are permitted to deliver care in nursing homes and a variety of other settings. If you have additional questions, the American Dental Hygienists' Association (adha.org) can provide further state-specific information on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband a little over a year. He's a wonderful man, but I feel he's a little too attached to his mother. She lives about 20 minutes away, and he wants to go visit her almost every day.

His mother is a very negative person. She isn't mean and we get along well, but her negativity is overwhelming. She finds joy in practically nothing and I always leave feeling agitated.

I have talked with my husband about this before and his response is, "That's how some old people are." I could put up with it a few times a week, but this everyday thing is wearing on me. How can I get my husband to understand how I'm feeling without hurting his mother's feelings? -- NO JOY IN TEXAS

DEAR NO JOY: You and your husband are married, not joined at the hip. If he wants to see his mother every day, that's fine. But you should not be obligated to go with him more than a couple of times a week if you don't want to. If he feels he needs to give her an explanation for your absence, he should tell her you are busy with things you need to do. It's polite, it's logical -- and I'm sure you will find errands or tasks with which to fill the time.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has been meeting a group of diving friends in Mexico for more than 15 years. We are now a couple and this was my first year meeting everyone. There were two other couples and one female, "Connie," sharing the condo. The other couples had private bathrooms, and we shared the main bathroom with Connie.

I found it odd that Connie would leave the bathroom after showering with only a towel wrapped around her. My boyfriend would stay in the room or go out to the deck and read, yet she didn't hesitate to walk out to the patio and converse with him.

Is this socially acceptable or is it me? What can I say to her next year? I thought about buying her a bathrobe and giving it to her. I have also considered that my boyfriend and I could get a private room and stay in there until we know she's dressed. Really, she needs the private room, and I thought about paying for it, or should something just politely be said? -- NO PROPER WRAP

DEAR N.P.W.: Before doing anything, stop and analyze why you are so bothered by what Connie is doing. Do you think she is coming on to your boyfriend? Remember, these are all diving friends who have gotten together for a very long time before you were in the picture.

If he was interested in her, which I doubt, he wouldn't be with you. I do not think paying for another room for Connie would be appropriate. I do think you should get to know her better and, if you still feel threatened (which you may not), talk to your boyfriend about your feelings.