DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are fabulous. They love me and think the world of our 2-year-old daughter, "Hayley." They do anything to support us.

Recently, they asked to take Hayley overnight and drive a number of places with her. My concern is the driving part. My father-in-law doesn't believe in car seats.

On a few occasions he has asked me to just hop in the car with Hayley without a car seat. I refused. Another time, they had a circa-1980 car seat and asked to take Hayley with them to church. When I went to put her in the seat, the buckles wouldn't work. When I reached over to the other side, the seat fell over. It wasn't even strapped in!

Now for my biggest fear: My mother-in-law is a notorious distracted driver -- she applies makeup, eats food, talks on the phone and texts. I am not comfortable with her taking Hayley in the car with her.

How do I approach this with them? I don't want to harm our relationship, and I'd like them to spend time with their grandchild independently. But I can't put my daughter in a dangerous situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated. -- FEARFUL MOM IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR FEARFUL MOM: Your fears appear to be well founded. Your "fabulous" in-laws cannot be trusted to transport your little girl.

My first thought was that you and your husband could buy them a car seat and have it installed. But if you can't trust your father-in-law to use it, or your mother-in-law to devote her full attention to her driving when her grandchild is in the car, then the child's safety must come first. As a mother, your job is to be conscientious, even if it makes you less popular. And your husband should back you up 100 percent.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is very affectionate. He loves to cuddle, snuggle and sweet-talk morning, noon and night. However, he doesn't do it with me -- he does it with our cats.

Don't get me wrong -- he's a good husband, and I get a quick hug and kiss goodbye when I leave for work in the mornings and he holds my hand when we walk. But when we go to bed at night, he turns his back to me, reaches behind him, pats me on the arm and says goodnight. There is no cuddling and no sweet-talk with me.

Sometimes I would like a little scratch behind my ears. We married late in life, so maybe the sex is out, but my late husband used to hold me and make me feel special. I'm only 62 and I can't imagine living this way for the rest of my life, but I love this man, so divorce is out. Any advice? -- "MEOW" IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR "MEOW": Was your husband like this before you married him? If so, did you accept his proposal thinking you could change him? If not, then it appears you have a serious communication problem.

If you haven't already, you need to tell him what you need in order to feel as loved and cherished as the cats. And if that doesn't work, you both need marriage counseling because I can't imagine you living the rest of your life starved for affection. As you said, you're only 62.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 40s, happily married to my wife, and we have teenage daughters. My parents divorced when I was young and both have been remarried for years.

Over the past 10 years, Dad and his wife have developed a very close "friendship" with a woman I'll call "Bonnie." They bought homes next door to each other, travel together, and expect Bonnie to be included in all holiday events. Bonnie has never been married and has no kids, so my parents reason that she would be alone if she's not with them.

I am not fond of this woman and I don't like having to include her. My parents never ask if it's OK if she comes; they just started bringing her years ago and assume she's welcome. When I have brought up the subject, they got angry.

Our daughters ask how we're related to Bonnie. When I say she is Grandma and Grandpa's friend, they roll their eyes because it falls short of describing what is probably a three-way. I'm tired of the situation. What can I do? -- FED UP IN PHOENIX

DEAR FED UP: Let your daughters -- who are probably more worldly than either you or I -- come to their own conclusions about Grandma and Grandpa. Whether they have formed a triad is anybody's guess, but one thing is clear: They are a package deal. You might be happier if you concentrated less on what may (or may not) be going on between their sheets. The alternative would be to see your father, stepmother and this woman less often.

DEAR ABBY: My husband keeps all our financial information, be it bank accounts, statements, savings, investments, etc., away from me. He has been unemployed for more than three years and keeps telling me we need to economize, which I do.

When I ask him to let me know what our finances are, he tells me, "We're running out of money." He keeps everything a secret, and when I asked, "What if something terrible happens? What shall I do?" he said, "You will be informed." What kind of an attitude is that? He says he doesn't trust me with money because he thinks I'll spend it all.

We sold our house for more than a million dollars and I never saw a penny in my name, let alone a bank account. I don't have a job. I'm a full-time student right now. I'm concerned whether I should get a divorce. Your thoughts, Abby? -- IN THE DARK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE DARK: It would be interesting to know where the money you and your husband are living on is coming from, and how your education is being financed.

It appears your husband is withholding financial information as a means of controlling you. I do think you should consult a lawyer, not necessarily to discuss a divorce, but to find out once and for all what your rights are as a wife in the state of New Jersey.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 48-year-old woman. I have known I was gay since I was 14. No one knows because I never acted on it until I met "Bob," my current common-law husband of 25 years. I fell in love with his sister, "Janelle," back then. We kissed a few times and fell deeply in love, but because we didn't want to hurt Bob, we ended what we had.

Bob and I raised my son, who is being married this year. Through all these years my feelings and Janelle's have never changed. We love each other and want the chance to be together that we were denied back then.

I have given Bob 25 faithful years. I love him, but I am not in love with him. We are like two ships passing in the night. He has a temper and is vindictive. I want out of this relationship to be with his sister. I have asked her to marry me, and she agreed. We don't want to hurt Bob, but we love each other. Please advise me how to tell my husband I want out and want to be with his sister. -- WANTS OUT BACK EAST

DEAR WANTS OUT: Considering that Bob has a temper and can be vindictive, I suggest you do it in stages. The first is to tell him that you are not happy in the marriage and haven't been for a long time. Depending upon your talent as an actress for the last quarter-century, he may or may not be surprised.

Then it will be time to tell him that you have known for a long time that you were more attracted to women than to men. Because you can't predict how he will react, do it in the presence of someone else -- but not Janelle.

Because there can be legal ramifications regarding a common-law marriage, you should discuss this with a lawyer before telling Bob you want a divorce. Only after you have left him and several months have elapsed should you and his sister let it be known that you plan to have a life together. I say that because vindictive people with nasty tempers can be violent.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 50s and have legal custody of three of our grandchildren, who are between the ages of 3 and 8 years old. We have been raising them since birth.

My wife is nearing the end of her battle with cancer. My family -- my mother, siblings and son -- keep asking me what I'm going to do when my wife passes away. They say they know people who would adopt the children. I don't wish to be nasty, but I need to let them know that I am able to take care of my grandchildren.

Can you please tell me how to tell my family that I can raise my grandchildren without hurting their feelings like they have hurt mine when they mention adoption? -- HURT GRANDFATHER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Yes, the words to use are: "When you say that to me, it hurts me deeply, so please don't say it again. I will raise these children just as I always have, and I do not plan to ever turn them over to strangers." Period. Expressing it this way is not hurtful; it clarifies your feelings.