DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 40s, happily married to my wife, and we have teenage daughters. My parents divorced when I was young and both have been remarried for years.

Over the past 10 years, Dad and his wife have developed a very close "friendship" with a woman I'll call "Bonnie." They bought homes next door to each other, travel together, and expect Bonnie to be included in all holiday events. Bonnie has never been married and has no kids, so my parents reason that she would be alone if she's not with them.

I am not fond of this woman and I don't like having to include her. My parents never ask if it's OK if she comes; they just started bringing her years ago and assume she's welcome. When I have brought up the subject, they got angry.

Our daughters ask how we're related to Bonnie. When I say she is Grandma and Grandpa's friend, they roll their eyes because it falls short of describing what is probably a three-way. I'm tired of the situation. What can I do? -- FED UP IN PHOENIX

DEAR FED UP: Let your daughters -- who are probably more worldly than either you or I -- come to their own conclusions about Grandma and Grandpa. Whether they have formed a triad is anybody's guess, but one thing is clear: They are a package deal. You might be happier if you concentrated less on what may (or may not) be going on between their sheets. The alternative would be to see your father, stepmother and this woman less often.

DEAR ABBY: My husband keeps all our financial information, be it bank accounts, statements, savings, investments, etc., away from me. He has been unemployed for more than three years and keeps telling me we need to economize, which I do.

When I ask him to let me know what our finances are, he tells me, "We're running out of money." He keeps everything a secret, and when I asked, "What if something terrible happens? What shall I do?" he said, "You will be informed." What kind of an attitude is that? He says he doesn't trust me with money because he thinks I'll spend it all.

We sold our house for more than a million dollars and I never saw a penny in my name, let alone a bank account. I don't have a job. I'm a full-time student right now. I'm concerned whether I should get a divorce. Your thoughts, Abby? -- IN THE DARK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE DARK: It would be interesting to know where the money you and your husband are living on is coming from, and how your education is being financed.

It appears your husband is withholding financial information as a means of controlling you. I do think you should consult a lawyer, not necessarily to discuss a divorce, but to find out once and for all what your rights are as a wife in the state of New Jersey.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 48-year-old woman. I have known I was gay since I was 14. No one knows because I never acted on it until I met "Bob," my current common-law husband of 25 years. I fell in love with his sister, "Janelle," back then. We kissed a few times and fell deeply in love, but because we didn't want to hurt Bob, we ended what we had.

Bob and I raised my son, who is being married this year. Through all these years my feelings and Janelle's have never changed. We love each other and want the chance to be together that we were denied back then.

I have given Bob 25 faithful years. I love him, but I am not in love with him. We are like two ships passing in the night. He has a temper and is vindictive. I want out of this relationship to be with his sister. I have asked her to marry me, and she agreed. We don't want to hurt Bob, but we love each other. Please advise me how to tell my husband I want out and want to be with his sister. -- WANTS OUT BACK EAST

DEAR WANTS OUT: Considering that Bob has a temper and can be vindictive, I suggest you do it in stages. The first is to tell him that you are not happy in the marriage and haven't been for a long time. Depending upon your talent as an actress for the last quarter-century, he may or may not be surprised.

Then it will be time to tell him that you have known for a long time that you were more attracted to women than to men. Because you can't predict how he will react, do it in the presence of someone else -- but not Janelle.

Because there can be legal ramifications regarding a common-law marriage, you should discuss this with a lawyer before telling Bob you want a divorce. Only after you have left him and several months have elapsed should you and his sister let it be known that you plan to have a life together. I say that because vindictive people with nasty tempers can be violent.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 50s and have legal custody of three of our grandchildren, who are between the ages of 3 and 8 years old. We have been raising them since birth.

My wife is nearing the end of her battle with cancer. My family -- my mother, siblings and son -- keep asking me what I'm going to do when my wife passes away. They say they know people who would adopt the children. I don't wish to be nasty, but I need to let them know that I am able to take care of my grandchildren.

Can you please tell me how to tell my family that I can raise my grandchildren without hurting their feelings like they have hurt mine when they mention adoption? -- HURT GRANDFATHER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURT: Yes, the words to use are: "When you say that to me, it hurts me deeply, so please don't say it again. I will raise these children just as I always have, and I do not plan to ever turn them over to strangers." Period. Expressing it this way is not hurtful; it clarifies your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: My son's dad cheated on me for years, which resulted in a child with another woman. When I finally got the nerve to date and trust again, the new guy gave me herpes.

Now I find myself repulsed at the thought of sex, and I have no intention of putting myself in the position of having to disclose this information to a new partner. I am content to never have sex again.

The problem is, I have a young son who longs for a father and has asked on several occasions why I won't get a boyfriend. I feel it is unfair to him to miss out on something so important as having a father, but I can't stomach the thought of being with another man. What should I tell him? -- DISGUSTED AND ALONE

DEAR DISGUSTED: Tell your son a version of the truth -- with some judicious editing. Tell him that you were very much in love with his father, but that it didn't work out. Explain that finding the right partner can take a long time -- it's the truth -- and you're not sure when you will be able to provide a father for him. If he wants to know why, tell him your heart isn't ready.

While it's understandable that you would have trust issues after what you have experienced, not all men are cheaters, and a surprising number of people in the United States who have herpes (HSV-2) do not know they have it -- and that they can infect others. This may have been the case with the man from whom you caught it.

If you are reluctant to disclose this information because of embarrassment, there is a website that you might find interesting, H-Date.com. It offers a free dating service through which thousands of men and women meet one another. Many very nice, eligible people -- people just like you -- have herpes and live full, happy lives. Please check it out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been asked to be a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding. I am more than delighted she wants me and honored to have been asked. However, this will be my third wedding as a bridesmaid.

I have been told, "Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride." Abby, is this true? If so, how can I gently let her know I can't be in her wedding for fear of never being married myself, because her wedding will be my third trip to the altar as a bridesmaid? -- ENOUGH ALREADY

DEAR ENOUGH ALREADY: I don't know where that saying came from, but my advice is not to dwell on the negative. There is another old saying that could apply here. It's "three times is the charm." In other words, if you agree to be your best friend's bridesmaid, it's possible you could meet your future husband at the wedding. Which one you choose to believe is up to you.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I would like to add my prayer of thanks to those men and women of our armed services who sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace.