life

Pause a Moment to Remember Those Who Died for Our Country

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 24th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: "Lest we forget" -- these three simple, but very meaningful words are a reminder to always remember the sacrifices made for our freedom.

I recently read about a Vietnam veteran who will never forget Memorial Day in 1970. He was wounded in the jungles on that day, fighting for his life with his comrades. Almost his entire company had been wounded or killed during an early morning attack by the North Vietnamese army. Although he was the first wounded, the first to die were soldiers on either side of him. Not a Memorial Day goes by without him hearing from his remaining comrades. They, too, have never forgotten that deadly attack because they experienced the holiday's true meaning.

A patriotic organization, No Greater Love (ngl.org), initiated the National Moment of Remembrance established by Congress in 2000. At 3 p.m. on Memorial Day, Americans are asked to pause wherever they are to honor those who have died for our freedom throughout history.

For more than 40 years, the AFL-CIO, North America's Building Trades Unions, Ironworkers, Fire Fighters and the Sheet Metal, Air, Rail and Transportation Workers -- in union with No Greater Love -- have honored our fallen, our troops, our veterans and their families, and have participated in the National Moment of Remembrance. And Major League Baseball games will also observe the Moment. This is a moment of love -- a love for those we honor and their families and a love of God and country.

Let us never forget. Remember to pause and say a prayer at 3 p.m. on Memorial Day. -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for the timely reminder. Readers, tomorrow is Memorial Day. I know many of you will be busy with barbecues at the park, swimming and sunning at the beach, shopping in the malls, or watching baseball in person or on television. But please, folks, take a moment and join me in participating in the Moment of Remembrance at 3 p.m. because that's what this holiday is really all about.

Holidays & CelebrationsDeath
life

Friend Stuck At Home Cringes At Tales Of Travel

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 24th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am tired and disgusted hearing our friends brag about their travels to Alaska, Italy, Hawaii, etc., while my husband and I are financially and medically unable to do such things. One of my longtime "friends" is actually taking a friend of hers to London, all expenses paid.

This is hard for me to swallow. How can I remove myself from this kind of talk and still maintain friendships? -- ON THE GROUND IN OREGON

DEAR ON THE GROUND: I can think of two ways. The first would be to tell your closest longtime friends that you would prefer not hearing about their adventures because, considering your circumstances, it is depressing. The other would be to discuss with your husband and your doctor the feasibility of planning an inexpensive getaway to someplace nearby so you won't feel so left out.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Girl's Constant Messaging Sends Nanny on a Guilt Trip

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was a full-time summer nanny for several years for the same family, now a preteen boy and girl. I loved them, had a great time on the job and have communicated with them occasionally through the years on birthdays and holidays. Eventually, I moved away for college and was no longer able to sit for them.

Both kids now are on Facebook, and I (foolishly) accepted their friend requests. I use Facebook to keep in touch with family members or for school group projects, so I am on only once or twice a week.

The girl messages me almost daily with "Hey" or similar short things. I am unable to dedicate time to this kind of interaction even within my own age group, but I feel bad leaving so many messages unanswered. What can I tell her? I'd love to catch up around holiday times like we used to, but I'd like to be left alone online. -- BUSY, BUSY IN CHICAGO

DEAR BUSY: As I see it, you have a choice: Tell her the truth, and explain it just as you have written to me, or contact her parents and have them explain it to her.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Adult Should Play The Peacemaker In Parents' Ongoing War

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mom and dad are fighting and getting mad at each other a lot. I am trying my best to make them happy with each other, but nothing seems to work. They told me they would always be happy together, but it does not look like it right now. What do I do? -- NEEDING HELP IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDING HELP: I have heard from young readers who told me their greatest fear was that their parents would divorce. But sometimes there are worse things than being a child of divorce, and one of them is living in a household filled with tension and parents who constantly argue and fight.

You are not the cause of their unhappiness, and you cannot "fix" what's wrong in their marriage. Although you might wish to be the peacemaker, you must accept that it is not your responsibility. A marriage counselor might be able to help them iron out their differences, but the person to suggest it should be another adult; if possible, it should be a relative.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Teacher Learns That Every Gift Deserves A Written Thank You

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 23rd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a public school teacher with an etiquette question. I receive gifts at class parties that occur at Christmas, Valentine's Day and the end of the year. When I do, I respond with a written thank-you note a few days later.

However, during the course of the year, I also receive thank-you cards for being a child's teacher, tutor or club sponsor. Many times these thank-you cards contain gift cards. If I open it in front of the giver, I always give a verbal thank-you, but is it required to write a thank-you for a thank-you? -- WANTS TO DO IT RIGHT

DEAR WANTS TO DO IT RIGHT: A thank-you for a thank-you is not required. However, a thank-you that's accompanied by a gift should be acknowledged with a written note.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Mother's Alcoholism Poses Serious Threat to Her Baby

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 22nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I just realized I'm six weeks pregnant. I have always wanted to start a family and raise children with my fiance, but I have a big problem. I am an alcoholic and have been struggling with this issue for a few years. I don't know the effect this could have on my baby, but I know it isn't good. My fiance also drinks a lot, and our home situation isn't the greatest for a child because of it.

What can I do that would be helpful in my circumstances? I don't want to put my baby's life at risk. I tried AA in the past, but was unsuccessful. I'm afraid I'm destroying my family before it is started. -- TRAINWRECK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRAINWRECK: You are right to be concerned. If you plan to have this baby, it's important that you find a gynecologist and quit drinking IMMEDIATELY! If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself, then do it for the sake of your little one.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

"There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol can cause problems for the developing baby throughout pregnancy, including before a woman knows she is pregnant. Drinking alcohol in the first three months of pregnancy can cause the baby to have abnormal facial features. Growth and central nervous system problems (e.g., low birth weight, behavioral problems) can occur from drinking alcohol anytime during pregnancy. The baby's brain is developing throughout pregnancy and can be affected by exposure to alcohol at any time.

"If a woman is drinking alcohol during pregnancy, it is never too late to stop. The sooner a woman stops drinking, the better it will be for both her baby and herself."

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyAddiction
life

Girlfriend's Mother Wants Daughter To Herself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 22nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Kendra," for four years. We're ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because of her mother. To put it simply, she's not a nice woman, and she doesn't have any friends. Her husband died a few years ago, which makes her very much alone. Her only social life is Kendra.

Abby, she thinks of me as a threat to their relationship, and she's trying everything in her power to break us up. She says negative things about me to Kendra and she's rude to me at all times. She says she will not give us her blessing if we decide to marry.

Because we live only 10 minutes from her and have no possibility of moving farther away, is it possible to have a healthy marriage with such a "cancer" in our lives? Or would our marriage be doomed from the start? Do I stay or do I go? -- UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNSURE: Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you. Much depends upon whether Kendra can recognize how unhealthy her relationship with her mother is and distance herself emotionally. While love can conquer almost everything, unless she can do that, and not allow herself to feel guilty for being happy, marriage to Kendra could be like competing in a marathon with one foot encased in a barrel of cement. I'm not saying don't do it, but pointing out that if you do, it will be a challenge.

Love & DatingMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting

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