DEAR ABBY: I am almost 13 and I'm struggling with a lot of different things. I was adopted when I was a baby, so I never lived with my birth mother. That's probably a good thing, but I am having angry feelings toward her that I wish I wouldn't have. Those feelings are also being directed at friends and family members.

I'll think I have forgiven my birth mother for what she did, and then all of a sudden, I realize I never really did. I don't want to grow up being bitter all my life. Do you have any advice for me? -- NEEDS HELP IN INDIANA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Yes. It is important you understand that birth mothers love their babies very much. When a woman places her child for adoption, there can be legitimate reasons for it. She may have been too young to raise a child, without the means to properly support it or addicted to drugs or alcohol. Your mother may have wanted you to have a better life than she had and felt another family could give it to you.

When you are older, you can do a search for her and find out the reason for yourself. But in the meantime, stop blaming her -- and you, your friends and family will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: I'm really confused about what to do about a couple of situations. I'm a 17-year-old high school senior and I have feelings for a 23-year-old single father. We have talked on and off over the past year. He said that once my 18th birthday came around he was going to "make me a very happy girl."

After I recently told him I was afraid we might not get together when the time came, we stopped talking. Now the mother of his child is back in the picture, and I'm glad for the baby's sake. I don't know for sure they're getting back together, though.

My second issue is about my feelings for a 20-year-old college student who's going away to an out-of-state school. He claims he's not the best guy for me, but I don't believe that. I told him I liked him regardless of what he says. I think he likes me, too, but it's not always clear. What should I do? -- SCATTERED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SCATTERED: For the next year or so, your first priority should be your future -- and I don't mean with a man. Before becoming seriously involved with anyone you must complete your education and establish some economic independence.

You were right to speak up about your concerns regarding your relationship with the first man you mentioned. That there is another woman in the picture -- even if she was in the background -- would have meant complications. Whether or not they get back together, the fact they have a child together means she may always be a presence in this man's life -- or could pop up at any time and cause disruption. Clearly, right now, he has unfinished business with her.

As to the second issue -- this young man may like you very much, but when a man tells a woman he is not the right man for her, what he usually means is that she is not the right woman for him. He may want to do what I'm advising you to do -- complete his education before becoming romantically involved. Or, he may feel the "chemistry" isn't quite right. If you accept it and move on, you'll save yourself some heartache.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 28 years had a bone marrow transplant, and six months ago he learned who his donor was. He now wants to meet up with the person. Turns out, it was a woman.

I'm not usually a jealous person, but it's all he ever talks about every single minute of the day. He wants to meet her two hours from where we live. I am fine with it, but I'm tired of hearing how "great" she is. What can I do to keep the peace in my house? -- WIFE OF A TRANSPLANT

DEAR WIFE: Because of your husband's donor, you are a wife and not a widow. A step in the right direction would be to regard her as the person who saved your husband's life at a point when you could have lost him.

Of course he thinks she is "great." Not everyone is willing to be tested to see if it's possible to be a bone marrow donor. I think she is great, too.

Please calm down. With the passage of time, your husband will not feel the need to speak about her as often.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend booked a cruise with his ex-wife to celebrate their son's eighth birthday. They plan to share the same cabin. He has mentioned at least twice in the past that she wants him back, but now he denies having said it.

I didn't expect him to pay for my ticket (I can afford it), but an invite would have been nice. I have included him in my children's celebrations and have stood by him through difficult times. I have yet to meet the ex, so there's no animosity between us.

When I suggested separate cabins would be appropriate and affordable considering they had booked a suite, and two regular cabins are about half the price, he flat-out told me I'm not invited. He says this isn't about "us" but about his son, whom I get along with.

I love this man and feel this isn't just about trust, although he has been less than truthful lately. I don't want to have to wonder what happened in that cabin when their son was asleep or at the kids' club or when they had a bit too much to drink.

Am I unreasonable in thinking sharing such close quarters with an ex is inappropriate? Should I jump ship from this relationship? He clearly could care less about my feelings. -- WAITING AT THE DOCK

DEAR WAITING: When parents separate, most children hope and pray they will find a way to get back together. If your boyfriend and his ex are sure that isn't going to happen, then it really isn't right to bunk together and get their son's hopes up only to be disappointed when the ship returns to shore.

That this man acts like your feelings are irrelevant and isn't always truthful are huge red flags and do not bode well for your future if you continue with him. I don't know how much time you have invested, but if more of the same is what's in store, you'd be better off to cut your losses and bail.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say when someone has been raped? I have a friend whose granddaughter was brutally raped and left for dead. I have asked a few questions about how she is doing and receive only cursory answers in response.

I know this incident has caused great sadness within this family. What do I say? What do I do? I am at a loss for words, and don't know how to help. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- STYMIED IN ARIZONA

DEAR STYMIED: You have shown your concern by asking. It should be clear to you that your friend is not comfortable discussing the family tragedy in detail. Now drop the subject, because sometimes being at a loss for words is a good thing. When your friend is comfortable talking about it, he/she will do it without prompting.

DEAR ABBY: This past week I read to the students at a local grammar school. I read to kindergarteners, second- and fourth-graders. The children were great, quiet and attentive. They asked insightful questions about the stories.

The teachers, on the other hand, were a disappointment. They dressed the way I dress when I work in the yard -- jeans and T-shirts. What an unprofessional image they presented to these youngsters! They missed a wonderful opportunity to be a positive example of women in the workforce by displaying a total disregard for their appearance or the impact they have on young minds. -- SAD TO SEE IN NEVADA

DEAR SAD: I, too, remember when teachers dressed more formally in the classroom. But that was then and this is now. On the bright side, one would hope that teachers gain the respect and affection of their students less on how they look and more on the love of learning they are able to instill.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took two days off from work to stay home with a cold. When I returned to work, a co-worker started commenting on how I might be contagious. Then during our lunch break, she commented that she didn't want me to sit next to her "because she didn't want to get sick." I told her there were plenty of other seats if she preferred to sit elsewhere, and sarcastically thanked her for making me feel "welcomed."

She continues to bring it up and is now pushing everyone to use hand sanitizer and sanitize their work areas. I'm offended. I think it's rude. A couple of co-workers are now sick with similar symptoms. Is she being rude, or am I oversensitive? And how should I respond? -- OFFENDED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OFFENDED: Your co-worker isn't rude; she's a germaphobe and with good reason. If everyone was careful to use hand sanitizer and sanitize their workstations and shared surfaces -- door knobs, light switches, lunchroom equipment -- there would be fewer individuals taking sick days. In a case like this, you should stop being defensive. The best way to respond to the woman is not to respond at all.