DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Brandon" for three years. I'm 19, going to a four-year college and I'm planning to move in with him. I enjoy his company and can see myself with him in the future, but I wish I hadn't met him so young. I wish I could have experienced more -- other people and situations. I'm afraid I'm falling into a trap where it is more convenient to stay with Brandon.

I don't want to feel confined, but I also don't want to break up with him and find it was the worst decision of my life. We have discussed it. He said he will understand if I want to leave, but I'm afraid it might destroy him.

I enjoy being around Brandon, but I don't want to stay if it means missing half my life. He isn't the most attractive guy compared to others, so maybe that's where all this is coming from. More attractive guys talk to me, and I assume they would treat me as well as Brandon does. Maybe that's what has got me thinking. Some advice, please? -- NOT SURE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NOT SURE: Feeling as ambivalent as you do, do not move in with Brandon. To do so would be cheating both of you. Because someone seems more physically attractive than your boyfriend does not guarantee the person would treat you as well -- or better -- than Brandon does. However, this is a lesson you may need to experience firsthand.

It could also be a growth experience for Brandon to date others. He has already told you he will understand if you leave, so he may be emotionally stronger than you give him credit for. This does not mean you won't eventually wind up together, but it may make you both more appreciative of the special relationship you share because you will have something to compare it to.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl who would like to fix my relationship with my mom. I love her dearly, but sometimes it is difficult to spend time with her. We have different tastes in music, clothes and what is fun. I know she notices the distance between us and would like to spend more time together, but the things she suggests we do don't appeal to me.

Dad and I are close, which is probably because he's more like a kid. We have similar likes, and he isn't as overprotective as Mom is. We're more like friends than father and daughter.

I really want to be closer to Mom, but I don't know how to do it so we'll both be satisfied. Is this a normal teen thing? -- MAKING AN EFFORT

DEAR MAKING AN EFFORT: Yes, I think so. However, I'm pleased that you want to build a closer relationship with your mother because, at your age, it's important. Being a mother these days isn't easy, especially if being the disciplinarian and drawing the line is a role that was "assigned" to her by an overly permissive father who prefers to be more of a pal than a parent.

You and your mother need to compromise regarding the things you do when you're spending time together. Part of the time, try the things she wants to do. If you do, you might surprise yourself and discover you enjoy them -- and vice versa. Talk to her about your desire to be closer to her and give it a chance. I'm sure the result will be rewarding for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I represented my daughter "Stacy" and her husband as their real estate agent. When any of my children purchase a home, I waive my commission. My daughter knew I had been trying to finance a trip to South America for my husband so he could complete his "bucket list." She gave me a cruise on one of the most expensive cruise lines and airfare to South America as a gift for helping with their home purchase.

After my husband reviewed the itinerary, he said it wasn't the trip he had in mind and wanted to know if my daughter could change it. I was embarrassed to ask her after receiving such a gracious gift. He became indignant and said if she really wanted to give him something he wanted, she wouldn't mind changing the trip.

I told Stacy I couldn't accept her gift because it was too much money. My husband is now angry with me because he feels I am the person at fault for the loss of the trip. Is my husband right that we should request a gift exchange from the giver, or was I justified for not accepting it in light of the fact that it was too much money? -- JUST WANTS PEACE

DEAR JUST WANTS PEACE: Your husband sounds like a handful. He was at fault. Your mistake was allowing him to put you in the middle.

I'm sorry you fibbed to your daughter about why you refused her generosity, because the expense had nothing to do with it. Your husband's ingratitude had everything to do with it. Because the cruise didn't suit him, he should have spoken to her and asked if the itinerary could be adjusted. That way nothing could have been lost in translation, and he might have gotten his wish.

DEAR ABBY: During WWII, while I was overseas in the Navy, I received a "Dear John" letter. It was devastating, especially because I was so far away and unable to immediately respond. Do you think it is appropriate for a person to send such a letter while the person is far away, especially while in the service, or should the person wait until the service member returns home and say it's over face-to-face?

After all these years, I have heard many pros and cons about this question. I can think of no one else with such a wealth of knowledge in this area to ask but you. After hearing from you, I will finally put this to rest. -- JOHN IN VINELAND, N.J.

DEAR JOHN: A decade ago I would have said -- and DID tell someone -- to wait until the person came home. My thinking was the news might demoralize the recipient and distract the person enough to get her/him killed.

I changed my mind after hearing from service members stationed in the Middle East who told me I was wrong -- that it's better to get the word while there were buddies close by who could be emotionally supportive. They suggested that if the service member hears the news when he gets back -- alone and possibly traumatized by what he or she has been through -- that it could make the person more vulnerable to suicide.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my grandmother has been diagnosed with lung cancer and has elected not to treat it. The doctors give her a year at the most. My dilemma is whether to extend just one more olive branch.

She has never been a "warm and fuzzy" type of grandmother. She was cold and distant when I was in my teens and 20s, and downright mean when I was in my 30s. If I try to talk to her at family functions, she turns away and begins a conversation with someone else, not even acknowledging that I'm standing there. Last year at a family reunion, she took several photos with my mom and sister, and when it was suggested I join them in the photo, she walked away before one could be snapped. I'm not the only family member or grandchild she behaves this way toward. None of us knows why.

Do I try one more time, suspecting the diagnosis hasn't softened her heart and that I'll again end up with hurt feelings? Or do I assume that nothing I do now will change who she is and that I will have no positive, happy memories of her? -- INVISIBLE IN KANSAS

DEAR INVISIBLE: Frankly, the chances of your grandmother transforming into someone warm and accepting don't look promising because she appears to be a punitive and unhappy person. However, if you feel you might have regrets if you don't try once more to connect with her, then make the effort so that when she dies, you'll know you did everything you could. Don't do it for her; do it for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was young, which was not that long ago, I have known my parents' marriage wasn't a healthy one. But only recently has it begun to affect me emotionally. It isn't that I blame myself, but that I'm afraid of how my own romantic endeavors will fare.

Recently, I was told about my mother's infidelity. I was always curious and suspected that one or both of them had affairs. But now more than before, I worry about finding love. Love is something we all seek, and I believe we all need, but I don't see myself as able to handle that kind of heartbreak.

I understand why Mom did it -- that's part of what hurts me. I'm angry that they would masquerade a failure "for me," that failure being their "relationship." I think my anger is valid. My family has screwed me up emotionally and it started long before I knew what was going on. What should I do? -- SCREWED UP IN OREGON

DEAR SCREWED UP: When children are raised in a household where the parents' words and actions are different, they cope either by believing only what they are told (even if it contradicts what they see happening) or only what they see. While it can interfere with forming healthy relationships later in life, it's the way they keep themselves sane.

You are right to be concerned, and I hope you will discuss this with a licensed counselor or therapist because if you do, you will find it helpful.