life

Daughter-in-Law Who Flashes Needs Message to Cover Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 25th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Jerry," has a daughter-in-law who flashes both of us intimate parts of her body. At a recent gathering, she went down to the floor 2 feet away from where Jerry was sitting and gave us both a full view up her dress. Abby, she did it deliberately!

I thought the time one of her breasts popped out of her blouse was a "wardrobe malfunction." I no longer feel that way.

Jerry is a pushover. He doesn't say anything; he just runs away from it. I'm afraid things will only get worse. She must be trying to run me off. I can't think of any other reason for her behavior.

We have decided to not go on vacation with them this year because of this. Jerry is doing what he can for us to avoid being around her, but he has his 1-year-old granddaughter he adores to consider. What do you think is going on? -- COVERING MY EYES IN TEXAS

DEAR COVERING: I think the daughter-in-law either has no sense of modesty or she's an exhibitionist who enjoys shocking people. Because it bothers you and embarrasses your fiance, he should tell his son and explain how it makes the both of you feel. If the son delivers the message to his wife, it shouldn't cause a family rift.

Family & Parenting
life

Woman Feared To Call It Quits With Abusive Boyfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 25th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I broke up with a guy who was emotionally and sexually abusive. We had been seeing each other for eight months. We weren't living together, but I still was scared to break up with him because of what he might do to me. He would often call me bad names if I disagreed with what he wanted to do, and have angry outbursts during which he would throw things.

I have looked up how to safely exit an abusive relationship, but everything I find deals with what to do if you are living with the abuser. They don't teach us in high school how to safely drop an abuser; they just tell us to drop him. How do you safely break up with an abuser when moving to the other side of the country is impractical? -- RECOVERING IN THE USA

DEAR RECOVERING: Here is what I recommend: If you have mutual friends, tell them why you ended the relationship with him. In addition, stop going places where you know he hangs out.

If he continues to call you, tell him to stop and hang up. Then screen your calls. If he emails, delete his messages without looking at them. However, if he follows or continues to pursue you, make a police report.

Love & DatingHealth & SafetyAbuse
life

Uncle Asks: Who's Your Daddy?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 25th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last year my unmarried 30ish niece became a mother. Never once at family gatherings has there been any mention of a father.

I am more than a little bit curious. A one-night stand? A fertility clinic? A do-it-yourself turkey-baster job? Would I be wrong to bring up the subject? -- CURIOUS UNCLE IN OREGON

DEAR UNCLE: Yes, you would. I can 100 percent guarantee that a male was involved at some point in the conception of that child. And if the father's identity was any of your business, you would already know the answer to that question.

Family & Parenting
life

Mom With Breast Cancer Does Not Need Shielding From Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 24th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My wife has stage 4 breast cancer. She is only 51, and our most optimistic prognosis is three to four more years. Our children, 15 and 16, understand her disease, but don't really have a sense of how much longer we all have together.

Recently we went out to dinner, and the kids started talking about my retirement plans and their college plans. Later that night, my wife told me how sad it was hearing the kids talk about things she knows she will never see.

I have been debating whether I should have a talk with the kids and perhaps suggest they avoid subjects that make their mother sad. What do you think? -- NOT TALKING ABOUT THE FUTURE

DEAR NOT TALKING: Before talking to your children, I think you should talk to your wife. Although your instinct is to protect her, I don't think you can. Sadness in her situation is normal. I'm sure if you were to ask her if she'd prefer the kids censor their remarks in front of her, she would tell you she wants to hear everything she can about what they are thinking.

When people have a terminal illness, they have a right to be sad when contemplating the things they will be missing -- in your wife's case it will be seeing her children get married, her grandchildren and more. Let your children express themselves fully with their mother, and if she's having a bad/sad day, listen and let her unburden herself. A joy shared is twice a joy, and a burden shared is half a burden.

Health & SafetyDeathFamily & Parenting
life

Boyfriend's Gifts Come With Extra Baggage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 24th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: As a gift, my boyfriend, "Seth," gave me a Chihuahua puppy. I like dogs, but have never expressed a desire to have one. In fact, I have repeatedly mentioned my dislike for small dogs and that I wouldn't have a dog due to my travel schedule for work. I'd have to pay for food, veterinary care, toys, boarding, etc., and the dog would be alone in my apartment all day while I'm at the office.

Seth still chose to give me one. When I refused his gift, he yelled and left. My friends think I was rude, and that Seth was sweet for buying me a puppy. I tried explaining to them, but they were sarcastic and mean about my decision not to accept the dog.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened with Seth. For my birthday he bought me a smartphone, signed me up for a two-year contract and expected me to pay the monthly bill. I refused that, too. Am I wrong? -- SIMPLE GIRL IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SIMPLE GIRL: You and Seth appear to have a serious disconnect when it comes to communication. Is this the only area of your relationship in which he is tone-deaf? Your boyfriend seems to be the master of the "grand gesture," with no thought about the responsibilities his generous gifts will impose on the recipient.

Because you told him clearly that you dislike small dogs, he should not have forced one on you. In fact, he shouldn't have given you any living, breathing dependent creature without first having made sure it would be welcomed. You did the right thing -- the humane thing -- in not accepting the animal.

Love & DatingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Man Stays on the Sidelines When Family Talks Sports

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 23rd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My family is big on sports and discusses them at every gathering, big or small. I played sports growing up, but I don't care to follow them in my adult life like the rest of my family does. Sometimes I'm left out of conversations because of my lack of knowledge on the current stats, etc. I have always refrained from speaking about the things I'm passionate about because of lack of interest from them.

My good friend said maybe I'm considered less of a man by my brothers and my dad because of my apathy about sports. I served eight years in the Army, with four deployments between Iraq and Afghanistan, and was wounded twice. Not a man?

This issue may seem childish, but it is something that affects me to this day. Do you have any suggestions? -- SITTING ON THE SIDELINES

DEAR SITTING: Yes. Stop listening to the armchair analysis of that "friend." When sports enthusiasts spout statistics, what they really want is someone to listen and appreciate their acumen.

It's sad that you haven't been able to let your father and brothers know about the things that interest you, but has it occurred to you perhaps you should have spoken up more about your passions? Not everyone is the same; not everyone is interested in the same things. It doesn't mean that anyone is more or less "manly" than someone else. You're a military vet, so stop measuring yourself by anyone else's yardstick because it isn't fair to you or to your family.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Devoted Husband Never Gives Wife A Moment Alone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 23rd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I just married a wonderful man. "Derrick" is loving, considerate, helpful, smart, hard-working, and he wants to spend time with me as often as possible.

This is my second marriage. I have five kids ages 11 to 15, work full-time and try to fit in regular exercise. When my kids are with their dad, Derrick is home every minute I'm there and we do a lot together -- hiking, biking, running, movies, dining or just hanging out. He leaves for work after I do and comes home before I arrive.

My issue is, if I want any time alone, I have to leave the house. I used to have alone time before I met him, but now it's very rare. Abby, I need a little time for myself once in a while. I am very independent and don't need a companion every minute of every day. I'm becoming unhappy and depressed because I have no privacy.

I have told Derrick what I need, but how do I realistically get him out of the house so I can have some time to myself? He has a lot of friends, but he wants to spend his time with me. He isn't controlling or weird or jealous, but I'm feeling smothered. -- NEEDS SPACE IN NEVADA

DEAR NEEDS: Suggest Derrick schedule some regular dates with his male friends -- a golf game, card game, some other sporting event, etc. He might enjoy that, and it will give you the breathing room you need.

Marriage & Divorce

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