DEAR ABBY: My birthday was last week and my boyfriend gave me $100 cash to spend on myself. I ended up spending the money on groceries for the both of us and on gas.

If my boyfriend asks what I used his gift for, should I tell him it was for groceries for us? I have asked my friends and they said different things, such as, tell him the truth, or something like "I'm saving it." -- SAVANNAH IN GEORGIA

DEAR SAVANNAH: If he asks, tell him the truth. The money was spent on things you needed -- groceries for the both of you and gas. And if he finds fault with that -- although I can't imagine that he would -- remind him that once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) pleases.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl in middle school. There are two boys I like. One of them is someone I've known for two years and is a really good friend. The other boy I don't know anything about. I like him because he's cute.

What I like about the first guy is that he's funny, smart, looks good and we like the same things. I don't know which to pick. Please help! -- INTERESTED IN OREGON

DEAR INTERESTED: At 11, you don't have to pick either one. Enjoy both for what they have to offer and, in time, you won't have to ask anyone else to decide for you. In fact, you may even find a third someone who offers the same qualities you like in both of these boys in one package and who likes you back.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for five years with my boyfriend, "Clay." We live in separate houses. I have three children, ages 18, 17 and 12. My 18-year-old is away at college.

Clay never comes to my house. Every weekend, and sometimes during the week, I must pack my bags and those of my kids to go to Clay's. This is hard for us. I have discussed it with him, but his answer is he's "set in his ways."

He expects me to drop everything at a moment's notice to host parties for him or meet him for dinner with his co-workers. I have explained that a single mother cannot do this all the time.

I am tired and frustrated. I have stayed with Clay this long thinking that one day he'll want more from this relationship. But it's difficult enough taking care of one home without having to look after a second one.

Am I wasting my time? Should I move on? I feel he does love my kids and me. We have never argued, and he has never mistreated me. I just don't know what to do anymore. -- MISERABLE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MISERABLE: Why should Clay want more from a relationship that's working just fine for him? He has all the perks and none of the responsibilities that come with marriage. When he snaps his fingers, you run, regardless of the stress on you and your children.

That when you have mentioned a compromise he tells you he is "set in his ways" should convey a strong message. It's time to lay your cards on the table and tell Clay what you want and what you need from this relationship, so if he isn't prepared to give it to you, you can make other plans.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Tina," was very hurt by a friend recently. Her friend "Sally" called her "cheap" during a conversation ("she's cheap like you"). Sally didn't intend it to be hurtful, just an illustration -- but my wife is very upset about it.

We use coupons when we grocery shop or dine out; we also watch our thermostats, recycle, etc. On the other hand, we have sent our children to university without loans, our mortgage is paid off, we have traveled extensively and our net worth is north of a million dollars with no debt. How do I make Tina realize that Sally's comment should not upset her so? -- THRIFTY IN TEXAS

DEAR THRIFTY: What happened was unfortunate because the problem may be that Sally simply chose the wrong word. What she probably meant was that your wife is frugal. The difference between "frugal" and "cheap" is that being frugal is a virtue. Because Sally hurt your wife's feelings, Tina needs to tell her how it made her feel so Sally can apologize to her before it causes a permanent rift.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenage girl who has a fantastic life, a loving family, great grades in school and a nice house. I have a problem that seems to be taking over my life: I'm very anxious.

At first, it seemed I was just a worrywart, but lately, it's been nuts. I'm terrified someone in my family is going to die and I worry obsessively over it. I try to think it's going to be all right, but my anxiety just overtakes me.

I'm terrified of death and that my parents or my siblings will die tomorrow. I don't know who to tell. My parents freak out over the slightest thing. Please help me. -- WORRYWART IN ARIZONA

DEAR WORRYWART: Many young people harbor the same fear you have. But because you say your parents tend to "freak out" at the slightest thing, I can't help but wonder if a tendency toward high anxiety runs in your family.

Assuming that your family members are in good health, your preoccupation with the idea they might suddenly die should be discussed with a licensed psychotherapist. Ideally, you should tell your parents what's going on, but if you're afraid to talk to them and ask for help, then speak to a counselor at school so the counselor can bring it to their attention. Because this is troubling you to the extent that you have written to me, please don't procrastinate.

DEAR ABBY: How do you politely refuse to hug or shake someone's hand because of a medical issue that lowers your resistance to infection?

I had a stem cell transplant 18 months ago because of a recurrence of Hodgkin's lymphoma. I'm now on a drug that keeps my white blood count low. If I get a fever, I could end up in the hospital. I have been in remission for over a year and look healthy.

I don't really care to get into a long conversation about my experience, but I don't want to put myself at risk. How should I handle this without appearing rude? -- HOLDING BACK IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOLDING: Not extending your hand should send the message. However, if you are pressed, tell a short version of the truth, which would be, "I can't do that because I have a medical condition that prevents close contact."

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of three boys. When I was growing up, my brothers didn't have much to do with me. At times they were cruel, mocked my interests and made fun of my friends. At 19 I moved into the dorms, even though I was attending college locally.

My professional life took me away from my hometown for 25 years. Both brothers pretty much ignored me, except for calls on my birthday that were filled with awkward silence because we didn't know each other well enough to talk about anything. I lived abroad for long periods, and even though I sent emails and postcards, I never heard anything from them in reply.

Now I live back in my hometown and I am expected to participate in holiday and family events because "it's family." Please give me the words to use to refuse invitations I do not want, from a family who made it clear that they had no use for me for so long. -- WARY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WARY: Give the following standard refusal: "Thank you for wanting to include me, but I already have other plans." No one can argue with that. I do, however, suggest you choose one holiday a year to spend with your "family" as a way of maintaining minimal contact. That way they can't accuse you of snubbing them.

DEAR ABBY: Three widowed friends of mine still have their late husbands' voices on their answering machines. I think it's spooky and in really bad taste.

Is there any way to gently suggest to them that they change their greeting to one in their own voices or an anonymous one? I'm a widow, too, and I wouldn't think of leaving my greeting that way. -- FLABBERGASTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLAB: Different strokes for different folks. Has it not occurred to you that these ladies not only do not find the sound of their late husbands' voices the least bit spooky, but that they might call their own numbers in order to hear it? They may also feel safer having a male voice answer their phone. Because you find it upsetting, consider texting or emailing them instead.

DEAR READERS: The departments of psychiatry and medicine at Tufts Medical Center want to learn more about the impact that caregiving has on family members and friends of people who have been diagnosed with schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder.

Because family members and friends of individuals with mental illness play a large part in providing care -- while also balancing jobs and other life responsibilities -- the physicians and research scientists at Tufts are asking you to share the impact caregiving has on different aspects of your life, including your ability to work and your health and well-being. This information will be used to improve services to caregivers and the people they support.

If you are interested in participating in this study, please visit tinyurl.com/TuftsCaregiver. Participation in this study is voluntary and involves completing an anonymous survey.

Dear Abby readers are the most generous and caring folks in the world, and I hope some of you are willing to help with this project.