DEAR ABBY: Hypertension runs in my family, but as a pretty healthy 49-year-old, I didn't think much about it. I never realized that my pounding headaches were a direct result of high blood pressure. To make matters worse, the same high blood pressure that was causing my head to throb was also destroying my kidneys.

I wish I had known about my high blood pressure sooner and taken it seriously. When I finally learned about my kidney damage, it was too late to save them.

More than 73 million people are at risk for developing kidney disease, and I sincerely want to help them avoid this fate. My battle with kidney disease has turned me into an advocate for patients and those who are at risk. In honor of National Kidney Month in March and World Kidney Day on March 12, will you please help me spread the word? -- LANCE TAYLOR IN MINNESOTA

DEAR LANCE: I'm pleased to help you in this worthwhile effort. According to the National Kidney Foundation, one in three American adults is at risk for kidney disease. Major risk factors for kidney disease include diabetes, high blood pressure, a family history of kidney failure and being age 60 or older. Additional risk factors include kidney stones, smoking, obesity and cardiovascular disease.

Kidney disease often goes undetected because it lacks physical symptoms until the very late stages. By then the organs have already failed. But early detection, healthy lifestyle changes and proper treatment can slow the progress of kidney disease. Those at risk should have simple blood and urine tests to check if their kidneys are working properly.

Readers, if you are at risk, during your next physical examination, ask your health care practitioner to check your kidneys. To learn more about prevention, visit kidney.org. You will also find information about free KEEP Healthy kidney screenings in your area.

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old son told me he has finally had his first kiss, and it was with another boy. I'm not sure what to think.

When he was in eighth grade, he had a crush on a girl named "Lisa." She rejected him because she had a girlfriend. Then he dated a girl, "Annie," but it didn't last because he said he felt only friendship for her. Then he became friends with this boy "Joey" in high school, who spent the night several times. He told me from the start this boy was gay (this is the boy he kissed). Now Joey has a girlfriend.

To say the least, I'm confused. I know that in this generation, everything is acceptable. I have no problem if my son is gay, and I will love him no matter what, but I honestly think he is just confused. (He says this, too.) Is there anything I can do to help him through this? -- MODERN MOM IN MARYLAND

DEAR MODERN MOM: Yes. Tell your son you love him and all you want is for him to be happy. Then let him figure this out for himself. Trust me, he will. Things will be clearer in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I recently learned that the husband of a friend of mine has cancer. She shared the information with me during our last meeting. I was shocked and hardly knew how to respond. She is not a close friend, but we are fond of each other and enjoy getting together for a drink every now and then.

I want to let her know that I'm thinking of her and that I'm available if she needs anything, but I'm afraid of saying something cliched or insensitive. What is the most tactful way to do this? -- CHALLENGED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR CHALLENGED: Contact your friend. Tell her you were shocked by the news she gave you, which may have been a cry for help. Make a point of staying in touch by calling to ask how she and her husband are doing.

Tell her you know she may be overwhelmed, and volunteer to bring food if she's too busy or stressed to cook, run errands for her or even do the laundry if her hands are full with caregiving. I can almost guarantee that if you do, you and this lady will be close friends in the future regardless of the outcome of her husband's illness.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 48-year-old woman. Occasionally, I suffer from night sweats and have had a couple of hot flashes.

My husband enjoys turning on the mattress heater in our bed. He has turned my side on by mistake a few times, which caused me to roast and have an uncomfortable night. Even when he heats only his side it's too hot for me. I wake up sweating and see him lying naked, with all his covers flipped onto me!

I have suggested he cuddle with me if he's cold. But he insists on using the electric heater. I don't see any reason to waste the electricity, especially when it makes me uncomfortable. I am thinking about separate beds. Please help. -- OVERHEATED IN IDAHO

DEAR OVERHEATED: Separate beds might be a good idea. That's a practical solution for some couples. But before making the investment, have a talk with your doctor about your hot flashes (if you haven't already), because they may be caused by hormonal changes in your body, and he or she may be able to recommend a medication that can help with them.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of people who show up at graveside services for "family only"?

Recently, a friend passed away. She didn't want a funeral. The family announced there would be a service at the grave for family only, followed by a small reception for family and friends.

Well, some of the "friends" showed up at the service anyway. One of them stated, "But she was like a sister to me!" I felt it was an intrusion.

The family was gracious enough that they didn't let these people know their presence wasn't welcomed. What do you think, Abby? -- FAMILY FRIEND FROM MAINE

DEAR FAMILY FRIEND: Oh, my. Of course it was an intrusion. The person who was conducting the service should have spoken up and "reminded" the attendees that the interment was for family only so the family wouldn't be placed in an awkward position.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 12-year-old girl and I like a boy named "Chris." We go to different schools now, and I don't know how to get in touch with him to tell him how I feel. At times for the past two years we have been flirting on and off. We will be reunited again next year. I can't hold on much longer, and he's at a school with his ex. What should I do? -- LOVER GIRL IN ALABAMA

DEAR LOVER GIRL: You have held on this long, so remember the school year is already more than half over. In the fall, you and Chris will be attending the same school again without your having to do anything.

For now, be patient. Stay active and involved with school, and time will pass more quickly. Focus on activities you enjoy and your friendships.

Do not waste your time worrying about the other girl. She and Chris are exes for a reason. If you and Chris are "meant to be," the chances of that happening will be better when you're classmates.

DEAR ABBY: A friend from high school has invited me to her wedding in September. Unfortunately, I won't be able to attend the bachelorette party I was also invited to.

Even though I sent my regrets to the organizer of the party, she has tried to solicit gifts from me twice. This seems extremely tacky, and it has made me feel I was invited only for the gifts I could bring.

Abby, I don't want this to reflect poorly on my friend. Should I tell someone in the wedding party so they can fix this faux pas, or am I wrong about wedding etiquette? -- PERPLEXED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PERPLEXED: You're not wrong. That the party organizer is trying to extort gifts from you is extremely rude. The person to inform is the mother of the bride. She should be able to put a stop to it before anyone else is embarrassed.

DEAR ABBY: What if someone wants to move away from one parent but not the other? I'm 25 and interviewing for jobs. It would be nice to become independent, but for the right reasons. I am tired of my father's selfish, ignorant attitude, but I would miss seeing my mother. As she gets older, she seems to accommodate my dad's all-for-himself attitude even more.

If I take a job that's out of state, I don't want to feel like I'm "running away." How should I approach leaving the one family member I care about? -- MOVING FORWARD IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MOVING: Continue interviewing for jobs for which you are qualified, regardless of where they are located. If more than one company wants to hire you, select the one that offers the best wages and benefits and seems to be the best fit for you.

If the company is located in your city, you may not have to leave your mother and you may be able to limit the time you must spend with your father. Should you get an enticing offer that bases you in another location, to accept it would not be running away; it would be making an intelligent career choice. Your mom might be able to visit you sans Dad periodically if the expense isn't prohibitive, and you would be establishing your independence for the right reason.

DEAR READERS: If you live in a state in which daylight saving time is observed, don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour before going to bed tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Hallelujah! It's my favorite "holiday."