DEAR ABBY: Help! Facebook is killing my social life. I am wondering if anyone else is having this experience.

I am a woman whose job requires me to be on the computer eight hours a day. The last thing I want after work is to go online. Before Facebook took over my social circle, this wasn't a problem. But now all my friends and family are on the site and pressuring me to do likewise.

Gradually, Facebook contact seems to be replacing real, physical get-togethers. Things that used to be done in person or over the phone are now all done on Facebook, and we rarely get together anymore. If I don't check Facebook, I am out of the loop.

If I suggest getting together, everyone is "busy" -- busy on Facebook, I guess. They aren't mad at me or avoiding me, they just want contact on their terms. Am I the only one having this problem? -- OLD-SCHOOL IN CHAMPAIGN, ILL.

DEAR OLD-SCHOOL: I'm sure you're not the only one. The Internet is supposed to be a tool to facilitate communication, not a substitute for real, flesh-and-blood relationships. If you can't work out a compromise with your friends and family -- say, one in-person visit a month -- you may have to cultivate some new relationships with other "old-school" people who also prefer face-to-face contact.

DEAR ABBY: My father recently passed away. It was unexpected. He was my sunshine and my heart. I am devastated. Because of this, I am no longer sure I want to have a traditional wedding. It would be too sad to not share the day with Dad, as I had dreamed. My fiance and I have discussed eloping, and it seems like the right idea.

The trouble with eloping, however, is that we'd want our parents and siblings there as witnesses, and we'd like a party for friends and extended family after the nuptials. People are telling me that's not eloping, and they have been looking forward to attending our wedding.

In the midst of my grief, I'm not sure how to respond to their comments. What should I do? -- FATHERLESS BRIDE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR FATHERLESS BRIDE: If you would prefer your nuptials to be a small, intimate affair, that's what they should be. Have a reception later. Whether others were looking forward to attending your wedding is beside the point. If you are challenged for not wanting a big wedding, all you need to say is that your plans changed when your father died. No one should be able to argue with that, because your feelings are understandable.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor who is always asking to borrow things. The items come back only if I go and collect them -- from food items like spices, to gasoline, cash and more. The situation is almost comical, like Simpson vs. Flanders. How can I make my stuff less available without outright saying no? -- FLANDERS OF "SPRINGFIELD," MAINE

DEAR FLANDERS: And what is wrong with just saying no? When someone's generosity is abused, that's the most logical thing to do. And without being nasty, you should tell your neighbor the reason why.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 40s and my boyfriend of three years is 12 years older. We are in love and our relationship is great. He travels for work and lives in another state, so he flies in to see my daughter and me every other week. Because he is older, he uses Viagra, and it's kept at my place in a drawer. I assumed that's where it was always kept.

Abby, when he left for his trip yesterday, he took his Viagra with him! He says he grabbed the bottle without thinking and that I'm overreacting. The rest of his things are kept in his travel bag, so it's not like he just gathered up all of his pills. They were the only ones. Now he's upset with me because "I don't trust him."

Can you help me get my thinking straight? I caught him lying about something when we first started dating, so he's not all squeaky clean like he acts. -- SUSPICIOUS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Unless your boyfriend was prescribed the Viagra for a condition other than ED, I'd say you have a right to be suspicious. Because his little blue pills were kept apart from his other medications, it took special effort for him to pack them. Talk with him further because he may have been contemplating a "party of one" during his travels and not have been looking for adventure.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the middle of a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with. My mother's husband made a pass at my boyfriend. My boyfriend thinks I should tell her.

Abby, my mother and her husband are in their 70s, and I don't want to cause problems in their marriage. I'd like to write it off as a "misunderstanding," but my stepdad has a history of doing things like this. -- ANONYMOUS IN OREGON

DEAR ANONYMOUS: If your boyfriend didn't already, he should tell your stepfather the pass was unwelcome and he doesn't want it to happen again. If it does, you and your boyfriend should talk to your mother about it and explain why she'll be seeing less of you unless she visits you -- alone. Because this isn't the first time your stepfather has acted inappropriately, it won't be news to her. And because she has tolerated his behavior in the past, I doubt it will cause problems between them now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's family gave us a large painting that is not our taste at all. We would love to get rid of it, but of course we feel obligated to keep it and hang it in order to not hurt their feelings.

They live nearby and visit often, so putting the painting away doesn't seem realistic. We live in a small apartment and there is nowhere "discreet" to hang it. Plus, it is too large to take to our offices.

Other than staging a robbery, are there any options that would keep everyone happy? -- GRINNING & BEARING IT

DEAR GRINNING: Another option would be to level with your in-laws. Tell them you are grateful for their generosity, but the artwork is not your taste, and then ask if they would mind if you exchanged it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Carla" for 16 years. It's my second marriage. My problem is I never see her. She has always spent more time with her mother than with me. We see each other for about an hour a day after she returns from her mom's, usually at 9:45 to 10 p.m.

I have had several conversations about this with her over the years, but nothing seems to work. We'll argue and she starts to cry, and it ends without a resolution. Her mother is in her mid-80s and has had her share of health problems.

Carla has a sister who could help out, but rarely does. I have had health problems of my own -- a kidney transplant and several bouts of skin cancer -- but she doesn't seem to care as much about my problems as she does her mom's. Her mother even tells her to go home to be with me, to no avail.

I love my wife, but my isolation and loneliness are finally getting to me. How can I convince her that this isn't fair to me or our marriage? How much longer do I take it? -- LONELY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONELY: I feel sorry for both of you. Your wife may be trying so hard to be a responsible daughter that she has forgotten you need her, too. Your sister-in-law should have stepped up and started doing her share long ago -- and she still may if you and your wife talk to her about it together.

I don't know what your schedule is like, but you might have more time with Carla if you went with her to your mother-in-law's occasionally. It might also improve your communication if the two of you went for marriage counseling. If Carla's mother has to insist she go home to you, there may be reasons other than her mother's health for Carla's spending so much time away.

Nothing will change until you get to the bottom of it, so don't let your wife's tears prevent you. And if your wife resists seeing a counselor, go without her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently quit our jobs and moved to London from New York. Being a freelancer and having lived here before, he's never had trouble finding work. But I have just changed careers, and I'm finding it hard to earn a consistent paycheck here.

Despite his constant assurances that he is happy supporting both of us right now, I can't shake feeling guilty. I have never felt right living on someone else's dime -- not even my parents' while I was growing up. Should I man up and find a job I don't exactly love to better contribute, or "keep on truckin'" without guilt with hopes of getting there? -- GUILTY IN LONDON

DEAR GUILTY: Because of your history, I'm not sure you are capable of happily "keepin' on truckin'" without contributing financially. For some people, the sense of independence they derive from having a job is important to their self-worth.

I say, look around and see if there are some job openings. It's better than sitting around moping and feeling guilty, and it might give you and your husband a chance to make some new friends.