life

Colleague's Texts Suggest She Has More in Mind Than Work

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 18th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a handsome executive who works out of town. I'm a professional with a responsible job that limits my ability to travel.

I needed to borrow his phone recently and noticed that one of his colleagues has been texting him after hours. She asks if he has traveled safely, tells him she misses him, how much she enjoys working with him -- all with romantic emoticons. I'm concerned that the flattery and emoticons indicate she wants more than a work-based relationship. She's married with kids. How should I approach this? -- WORRIED WIFE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Because there have been more than one of these flirtatious, unbusinesslike communications, assume that your husband hasn't discouraged them. Confront him. Tell him you feel what she's doing is a threat to your marriage, and you want it stopped. But before you do, make copies of the texts so you can confront the woman with them if she doesn't stop.

Marriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Restrooms Are Poor Substitutes For Phone Booths

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 18th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for a man to talk on his cellphone at the urinal in a public restroom, or for a woman to talk on the phone while using the toilet in one of the stalls?

Also, please remind everyone to wash their hands after using the restroom. -- RUSSELL IN RICHLAND, WASH.

DEAR RUSSELL: I can think of few things more unpleasant than conversing with someone with the sound of "running water" (or worse) in the background and toilets flushing. Why anyone would do this is beyond me. It's very rude.

And, while I can remind people about hand-washing until the cows come home, I'll suggest instead that men and women who use public restrooms not touch the door handle without a paper towel -- when available -- firmly in hand.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Rowdy Kids Take A Ride On Neighbor's Steep Driveway

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 18th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in the '90s in a neighborhood where the kids respected their neighbors. I now live in a different state and, obviously, a different era. Neighborhood kids constantly use my steep driveway to ride their bicycles, tricycles and scooters without asking permission.

Am I right in thinking this is rude, because in my opinion, they are trespassing? Not only could I be held responsible if one of them gets hurt on my property, but they also are extremely loud and do this while my children are trying to nap. They have been asked to stop, and I have threatened to talk to their parents, even though I don't know where they live. What do I do? -- FRUSTRATED HOMEOWNER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Discuss this with your insurance broker. You are correct that if one of the children gets hurt on your property you could be liable. You also need to be more proactive than you have been. Tell the kids they are disturbing your children who are trying to nap, and if the kids don't go away, find out where they live and talk to the other parents. It would be cheaper than having to install a gate in front of your driveway.

Friends & NeighborsHealth & Safety
life

Ultrasound Baby Picture Gets a Negative Reaction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 17th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Do you know why people nowadays feel the need to announce their pregnancies via ultrasound pictures? I'm sorry, but I really don't want to see all that. I guess some folks think the image of a blurry, black-and-white fetus is "darling." But to me, all I see is an up-close-and-personal snapshot of a stranger's uterus. Even if we're best friends, I don't need all that detail. TMI, right?

I really wish people would deliver this kind of news face-to-face. Or call me, text me, whatever. It serves the same purpose and isn't nearly as graphic. -- NOT READY FOR A CLOSE-UP

DEAR NOT READY: If seeing a sonogram is "TMI" for your sensibilities, all you need to do is scroll past it. It's not as if you're being forced to view the fetus. Being able to see the product they're manufacturing pre-delivery helps many couples to bond with their babies, and when people are happy, they often want to share their joy. So loosen up and let them.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Mom Refuses To Get The 'H' Out Of Daughter-In-Law's Name

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 17th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 10 years. Prior to that, we dated for seven. (We met when we were teenagers.) My problem is, my mother-in-law still misspells my name, which is Sara. After all these years, she still adds an "h" to the end of my name, regardless of how many times my husband has pointed out the correct spelling.

I don't know why this is an issue, because we send her cards on all the holidays, her birthday, etc., with my name spelled correctly. How should I approach this with her? -- SIMPLY SARA IN ARIZONA

DEAR SIMPLY SARA: If the two of you get along well, just smile and ask her why she can't get the spelling of your name right. Then listen. However, if there is tension in your relationship, recognize that this may be a form of passive aggression, that confronting her will make her defensive, and she will find some other way to needle you.

P.S. Another thought. Tell her you've changed the spelling of your name to "Sarah" and she may drop the "h"!

Family & Parenting
life

Dying Friend's Anger Deserves Understanding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 17th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is dying from lung cancer, which I think has traveled to her brain. I am heartbroken over this. My question is, she seems different now -- angry. She jumped on me when we were talking about her disease. Should I just leave her be? Or what should I do? -- STANDING BY IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING BY: Your friend may indeed be angry, and she has a right to be. She may also be very scared. Continue to stand by her because she will need your support and understanding in the months to come.

A diagnosis of metastasized cancer can make someone feel alone and isolated. If she wants to talk about her prognosis, be prepared to listen. If she is too ill to get out of the house, bring the news about what is going on in her circle of friends to her. (Gossip can be distracting.) Do not offer advice unless you are asked for it. And if she has a bad day, try to be understanding and forgiving.

Health & SafetyDeathFriends & Neighbors
life

Traumatic Breakup Leaves Teen Looking for a Lifeline

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 16th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl who recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. During the time we were together we shared many experiences, including a miscarriage. Now he wants to be alone. He doesn't want to date or have any relationship because he says he feels "love is different now."

I'm having a difficult time coping. I feel like I have been thrown away. I didn't ask for such a serious commitment, but he made me believe.

I am scared, depressed, anxious and no longer want to date because I don't want to have any casual flings. My loyalty is literally killing me. I don't know if I should change my preferences in life or learn to love me. I'm too young for this, right? -- TEEN IN NEW YORK

DEAR TEEN: No one is "old enough" to experience what you have and not come out of it without emotional bruises. Not knowing your former boyfriend, I'm reluctant to guess whether he is grieving the loss of the baby, or relieved that he isn't going to have fatherhood thrust upon him and has run for the hills. But at least for the present, accept that the relationship is over and don't blame yourself.

You could benefit from talking to a counselor about everything you have been through. I agree you are not ready to date right now and, frankly, you shouldn't until you are more healed emotionally. If you have older, experienced women in your life with whom you can talk, it's important that you do. The feelings you are experiencing are normal under the circumstances, including your loss of self-esteem. I'm glad you have the insight to realize that you need to learn to love yourself again before re-entering the dating scene.

TeensLove & DatingMental Health
life

Secondhand Smoke Is No. 1 Problem In Four-Generation Household

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 16th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 30-year-old daughter and 8-year-old granddaughter have moved back home. The house now holds four generations. It's hard to keep everyone happy.

My father and I are both years-long smokers, which is causing major problems. Neither of us wishes to quit, and we feel it is our right to do as we please in our own home. My daughter is constantly telling her daughter to tell us she doesn't want to live here anymore because of the smoke.

Abby, they asked to move in here. She lives here for nothing, and pays nothing for food or transportation. God forbid I ask her to do something around here to help out. Who's right? -- SMOKER IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SMOKER: Let me put it this way. Your daughter is lucky to be living with you, thanks to your generosity. If she has a bone to pick with you, she should do it directly -- not through her child.

That said, because secondhand smoke isn't healthy for children, out of love and consideration for your granddaughter, you and your father should consider designating a smoking room in your home and lighting up there, or smoking outside.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety

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