life

Isolated Teen Should Turn to Trusted Adults for Help

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who went through some emotional stuff a couple of years ago. It was horrible. My parents thought it was just a phase, so I had to deal with it myself until it got better.

I don't feel like I can communicate with my parents. If I try, I'm afraid they'll just downplay it again.

I feel so alone sometimes. Even when I'm happy I still have this feeling of sadness. Then suddenly, I feel angry for no reason, and I hate it. Other times, I get so anxious I don't know what to do. I feel like my friends don't like me, even though nothing is wrong. I feel stuck.

Most people say it's because I'm a teenager, and that's what I try to tell myself, but it doesn't work. I don't know what to do. What do you think, Abby? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: I'm sorry that when you tried to tell your parents you were in pain they didn't take you seriously. While the feelings you're having may be caused by "raging teenage hormones," they could also be a symptom of something more. That's why I'm suggesting you talk to another trusted adult about your feelings -- the parent of one of your close friends, a counselor at school or your pediatrician, if you have one. It never hurts to have a "reality check" every once in a while, and when you share what's going on in your head with someone who has more life experience, it can give you a better perspective.

Mental HealthTeens
life

Husband's Everyday Love Is Better Gift Than Any Present

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 14th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: This time last year, I read a letter from a young woman whose live-in boyfriend doesn't get her anything for Valentine's Day.

I have been married to my husband for 28 years. When we were first married, I was often disappointed because he was never good at getting me gifts on holidays. Every year I would remind him ahead of time.

But gradually over the years, I began to realize that the gifts were not important. He has been the best husband I could ask for. He knows me better than anyone else. He adopted my two young girls and has been a wonderful father to them.

Throughout the year we do almost everything together. He loves to shop with me, and I buy what I want for my birthday or whatever. When holidays come around, we acknowledge them to each other and do something together for the day if we can.

A few years ago he was very ill and almost died. I am so grateful for him every day. I couldn't ask for more. The material gifts are unimportant. -- MARY M. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MARY: Thank you for an upper of a letter. You are a woman who clearly has her priorities straight. I told the young woman who wrote that letter that she'd feel less "deprived" if she focused not on what she isn't getting out of the relationship, but more on what she is. You reinforced this beautifully.

Readers, on this "day of love," I'd like you to know that you make writing this column a joy. I wish you all a very happy Valentine's Day.

Marriage & DivorceHolidays & Celebrations
life

Younger Brother Tiptoes Around Bringing Older Girlfriend Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother is 25. Three or four months ago he got out of a six-year relationship. He is now dating his former boss, a woman who is at least 15 years older than he is. As far as I know, I'm the only one he's told.

I recently asked him how the romance was going and he told me things are great. He also said he's worried about how to let the rest of our family know about this new relationship. Do you have any advice I could give him about revealing something that's sure to shock some members of our family? -- WORRIED OLDER BROTHER IN KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR WORRIED: Yes. Tell him all he has to do is bring his new love interest to the next family gathering. (You can be in charge of supplying the smelling salts.)

Family & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Family Snubs Couple's Lake Home Hospitality

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I completed construction on our retirement home five years ago. Even though we're not retired, we were able to move in. We are now 3 1/2 hours away from family.

We have repeatedly invited family members to enjoy our hospitality at holiday or vacation time. Some of them have taken us up on the invitation at least once. However, one of my brothers has never been here.

We have a lovely log cabin on a lake, and it can accommodate all family members for a gathering. Our relatives cite the long drive as the reason for staying away, while they think nothing of taking a hunting or fishing trip nearby.

I have stopped asking. My mom thinks I should continue extending invitations. Truthfully, it is a lot less work and expense to not host. Who's right? -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ENOUGH: You are. By now your relatives are well aware that they are welcome. Continue to invite those who have accepted and reciprocated your hospitality, because it should be apparent that the ones who have declined are not interested. And explain that to your mother, who long ago should have stopped telling you what to do.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Seeks Cure For Husband's Selective Deafness

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 13th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Have you or any of your female readers experienced this medical phenomenon with their male partners? When I open my mouth to speak, I can literally hear my husband's ears slam shut! Repeating everything seems to be a side effect for those of us living with someone with this disease. Does anyone know of a cure? -- TIRED OF TALKING TO MYSELF

DEAR TIRED: Alas, I can't answer from personal experience because every time I open my mouth to speak, my husband rushes forward to catch the pearls of wisdom I'm spewing. However, I suspect that what you're experiencing may be a widespread phenomenon that happens when any woman suggests something her spouse doesn't want to hear. Readers, what do you think?

Marriage & Divorce
life

Couple Tries to Pretend All Is Well for Daughter's Sake

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mason," and I have been married for 10 years. We have a beautiful 7-year-old daughter and have just found out we are having another girl. The day we learned her gender, Mason dropped a bomb on me. He said he's not in love with me anymore, and it has been eating at him for a while. He said he was too scared to tell me sooner.

He won't talk to anyone and doesn't seem to want to fix it. We both came from broken homes and had always agreed not to do that to our kids. But I can't act like everything is normal under the same roof.

He says he'll stay at his brother's place at night after our daughter goes to sleep. He's at work before she's up for school anyway. We agreed that if she wakes up at night and calls out for him, I should tell her he got "called in to work." Please give me some advice. -- BROKEN IN NEVADA

DEAR BROKEN: By the age of 7, your daughter is old enough to recognize tension between her parents. She is also aware enough to comprehend that her father is no longer living there if he's spending his nights elsewhere, particularly if he intends to carry on this charade for any length of time.

You say your husband "won't talk to anyone," but he owes you some straight answers. If he hasn't been in love with you "for a while," he shouldn't have fathered a second child with you.

Would his feelings be different if the baby you're carrying was a boy? Could there be another woman involved? Your husband owes it to you and those children to act responsibly and at least try to save his marriage. Running away is not the answer.

In the meantime, my advice is to talk to a lawyer and take your cues from her or him about protecting yourself and your children financially. Doing so does not mean you "must" file divorce papers, but you will have someone who isn't emotionally involved looking out for your interests.

MoneyMarriage & Divorce
life

Speaking Up Has Its Risks When Opposites Attract

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What should a single, straight woman do if she is attracted to and interested in a man she is "pretty sure" is gay? What should she do in the same situation if he is openly gay? Should she ignore her feelings? Tell him? -- ATTRACTED TO HIM IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ATTRACTED: If the woman tells her gay friend how she feels, he may be flattered, or it may make him uncomfortable. That's the risk she takes. As to whether she should ignore her feelings, if she wants a romantic partner who can reciprocate her physical attraction, she will have to concentrate on finding someone who is straight. Trust me on that.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Rocks Thrown At Happy Couple Deserve To Be Ignored

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 12th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine, "Fran," died nine years ago. Prior to her death, I had little interaction with her husband, "Dexter." As a matter of fact, when I met Fran, she was divorced, but she and Dexter re-united.

Dexter and I are now in love and are planning to marry. He is 66 and I am 61. A lot of people feel it is wrong for us to be together. Your thoughts, please? -- GOING FOR HAPPINESS IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR GOING: "A lot of people" are unhappy in their lives and judgmental. They sometimes poke their noses into matters that are none of their business. If you and Dexter want to be happy, avoid the naysayers as if they have a virus -- because the kind of ill will they spread is contagious.

DeathLove & Dating

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