life

Woman's Red Face Gains Her Unwanted Attention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 2nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with blushing. Whenever I'm the center of attention, even if it's with just one other person, my face goes bright red. This even happens when I'm not feeling embarrassed.

I've learned to cope with the feeling of my face flushing. What I'm having trouble with is people's comments about why my face is so red. I've never been able to come up with a good response. Telling them I'm not really embarrassed is met with skepticism. Please help. -- RED-FACED IN MEMPHIS

DEAR RED-FACED: My advice is to be upfront and tell the questioner that you don't know why it happens, but you're not embarrassed. As you already know, blushing can happen if someone suffers from a social phobia. In cases like that, counseling and support groups can help. However, because you find it happening even when you are not pressured or embarrassed, discuss it with your physician to be sure there isn't an underlying physical problem.

Health & Safety
life

Heavy Drinker Refuses To Lighten Up

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 2nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating my 42-year-old boyfriend, "Mike," for a year. I love him, but he's a heavy drinker. He has a glass or two of whiskey on a daily basis and goes through a huge bottle of whiskey every weekend. (He also drinks beer like water.) When I asked him to cut back, he refused because he "loves" whiskey. I have never seen him drunk or act intoxicated, so he obviously has a high tolerance.

It bothers me that Mike drinks so much and that he won't cut back. I told him I wouldn't marry him unless he does. My problem is, I don't know whether he's an alcoholic since he doesn't ever show signs of intoxication. I've been told that alcoholism is a progressive disease and that it will only increase.

What constitutes an alcoholic? Is it possible for Mike to drink every day but not be one? I don't want to lose him, but he also has a very bad temper, and I'm afraid it's not a good combination if we were to get married. -- TORN IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR TORN: You are right to be concerned. Even if Mike promised "not to drink so much," he might backslide on his promise after the wedding.

Also, has it occurred to you that the whiskey may be part of what is causing Mike's bad temper? Large quantities of alcohol have been known to alter a person's perception, and the results can be explosive. If you haven't already done so, consider attending an Al-Anon meeting, which may confirm this.

I'm not a medical doctor, but it would be interesting to know what your boyfriend's physician thinks about the amount of alcohol he consumes, because the quantity you say Mike puts away may put him at risk for cirrhosis of the liver.

This may be more information than you asked for, but I don't think Mike is marriage material because it appears he is already wedded to his bottle.

Love & DatingAddictionHealth & Safety
life

Couple Kisses and Makes Up, but Family Tension Remains

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I had problems. Our marriage was going downhill, but we have recently managed to work things out. My problem is, I sounded off to my mother, who had never held him in very high esteem to begin with. She told me she never wanted to see him again.

She has finally accepted that we are a package deal and she's happy that things are working out. She lives far away, so I don't see her often, and I'd like to pay a visit with my husband and children. When I approached my husband with the idea of seeing Mom, he told me that a few years ago she had sent him an email telling him she didn't like him. He is justifiably uncomfortable with going to see her.

My husband is contemplating going for my sake, but I don't want to add any stress to the situation. Should I talk to my mother about it and ask her to apologize? Or should I just let things go? I don't like the idea of taking the kids and not my husband, and Mom wants to see her grandchildren. -- DON'T WANT TO BE THE MIDDLEMAN

DEAR DON'T WANT: By all means speak privately to your mother about this. If she can smooth things over by explaining to your husband that when she sent the email she was a "mother bear defending her cub," it may make the visit less uncomfortable for your husband.

Fences need mending here, and it will take cooperation on everyone's part. In the future, I hope you will resolve your marital problems like the adult you are and not go running to your mother.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Co-Worker Takes 'Nice' Too Far

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who works in an office with people who are in their 30s and older. I'm nice to everyone and treat them equally. Many of my co-workers have children who are about my age. I take my job seriously and carry myself with respect.

Lately, one of my male co-workers seems to be getting a little "too nice" with me. He brings me treats in the mornings and sometimes pays for my lunch. Sometimes he gives me these uncomfortable back-pats and sometimes even on my lower back. He is married with two kids.

I have been turning down the breakfast and lunch offers, but he still seems to want to be around me. I'm not sure how to make these things stop. I don't want to get any supervisors involved because I don't want to jeopardize anyone's job. Please help me. -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

DEAR TOO CLOSE: The next time this man puts his hands on you, tell him to stop because it makes you uncomfortable. Say it in a firm, clearly audible tone that can be overheard by anyone close by. Then document the incident with date and time. This should stop him. However, if he continues, you must immediately discuss the problem with a supervisor.

Work & SchoolSex & Gender
life

Girlfriend Kept in Shadows Begins to See the Light

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and confused. My boyfriend, "Ethan," and I broke up five months ago, but we recently got back together. The problem is, he hides the fact that we're together. I'm not allowed to put anything on Facebook or even comment or "like" anything on his page. He hardly even talks to me or comes to see me, and when we do talk or see each other, we end up in a fight. We used to be great together, but things are no longer the way they were.

Ethan insists he's not cheating on me, but it's hard to believe him, because when we got back together he had been talking to a girl who lives a few miles away from him. I don't want to end our relationship. Ethan says he loves me and doesn't want to leave me, but I don't know what to think anymore. Any advice? -- DRIFTING IN OHIO

DEAR DRIFTING: Yes. Wake up, honey. The relationship you cherished with Ethan is over. A man who is in love with a woman sees and talks with her often, and doesn't hide her from the world or get into a fight with her every time he sees her. That he would forbid you to mention that you are back together on Facebook and refuse to permit you to comment on his posts is a huge red flag.

You asked my advice, and here it is: Take a giant step backward and see Ethan for who he is -- a person who doesn't tell the truth and is very likely a cheater. If he was sincere, he'd be telling the world the happy news about your reunion.

Love & Dating
life

Best Friends Can Stay Close While Going To Different Colleges

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl and a junior in high school. I love my best friend and we are very close with each other. How do we maintain a strong friendship when we go to college? We are planning on going to different colleges, possibly in different states. We don't want to lose what we have right now. -- GOOD FRIEND ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Do it the way everyone else does -- through instant messaging and social media. But understand that both of you will have new responsibilities that will occupy your time, and you will be meeting new people and forming additional relationships. It doesn't have to have a negative impact on your close friendship if you both approach it with the right attitude. College is a time for growth and expansion. When you see each other during vacations from school, you can share that with each other.

TeensWork & School
life

Comedy Career Starts Early For Grade-School Quipster

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: While driving with my son when he was in fifth or sixth grade, I spotted a bumper sticker on the car ahead of us at a stoplight. It had the "My child is an honor student" message with his school's name on it. I said to him, in a not-too-subtle hint about his grades, "I'd like to have a bumper sticker like that to put on my car, too."

I realized he was developing a wicked sense of humor when he replied, "I'll see if I can steal you one." It's one of my favorite memories. -- OH, THE MEMORIES IN LA GRANGE, N.C.

DEAR MEMORIES: Funny! And what has he become? A lawyer, a politician or a comedian?

Family & Parenting

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