life

Couple Kisses and Makes Up, but Family Tension Remains

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband and I had problems. Our marriage was going downhill, but we have recently managed to work things out. My problem is, I sounded off to my mother, who had never held him in very high esteem to begin with. She told me she never wanted to see him again.

She has finally accepted that we are a package deal and she's happy that things are working out. She lives far away, so I don't see her often, and I'd like to pay a visit with my husband and children. When I approached my husband with the idea of seeing Mom, he told me that a few years ago she had sent him an email telling him she didn't like him. He is justifiably uncomfortable with going to see her.

My husband is contemplating going for my sake, but I don't want to add any stress to the situation. Should I talk to my mother about it and ask her to apologize? Or should I just let things go? I don't like the idea of taking the kids and not my husband, and Mom wants to see her grandchildren. -- DON'T WANT TO BE THE MIDDLEMAN

DEAR DON'T WANT: By all means speak privately to your mother about this. If she can smooth things over by explaining to your husband that when she sent the email she was a "mother bear defending her cub," it may make the visit less uncomfortable for your husband.

Fences need mending here, and it will take cooperation on everyone's part. In the future, I hope you will resolve your marital problems like the adult you are and not go running to your mother.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Co-Worker Takes 'Nice' Too Far

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old woman who works in an office with people who are in their 30s and older. I'm nice to everyone and treat them equally. Many of my co-workers have children who are about my age. I take my job seriously and carry myself with respect.

Lately, one of my male co-workers seems to be getting a little "too nice" with me. He brings me treats in the mornings and sometimes pays for my lunch. Sometimes he gives me these uncomfortable back-pats and sometimes even on my lower back. He is married with two kids.

I have been turning down the breakfast and lunch offers, but he still seems to want to be around me. I'm not sure how to make these things stop. I don't want to get any supervisors involved because I don't want to jeopardize anyone's job. Please help me. -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT

DEAR TOO CLOSE: The next time this man puts his hands on you, tell him to stop because it makes you uncomfortable. Say it in a firm, clearly audible tone that can be overheard by anyone close by. Then document the incident with date and time. This should stop him. However, if he continues, you must immediately discuss the problem with a supervisor.

Work & SchoolSex & Gender
life

Girlfriend Kept in Shadows Begins to See the Light

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and confused. My boyfriend, "Ethan," and I broke up five months ago, but we recently got back together. The problem is, he hides the fact that we're together. I'm not allowed to put anything on Facebook or even comment or "like" anything on his page. He hardly even talks to me or comes to see me, and when we do talk or see each other, we end up in a fight. We used to be great together, but things are no longer the way they were.

Ethan insists he's not cheating on me, but it's hard to believe him, because when we got back together he had been talking to a girl who lives a few miles away from him. I don't want to end our relationship. Ethan says he loves me and doesn't want to leave me, but I don't know what to think anymore. Any advice? -- DRIFTING IN OHIO

DEAR DRIFTING: Yes. Wake up, honey. The relationship you cherished with Ethan is over. A man who is in love with a woman sees and talks with her often, and doesn't hide her from the world or get into a fight with her every time he sees her. That he would forbid you to mention that you are back together on Facebook and refuse to permit you to comment on his posts is a huge red flag.

You asked my advice, and here it is: Take a giant step backward and see Ethan for who he is -- a person who doesn't tell the truth and is very likely a cheater. If he was sincere, he'd be telling the world the happy news about your reunion.

Love & Dating
life

Best Friends Can Stay Close While Going To Different Colleges

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 16-year-old girl and a junior in high school. I love my best friend and we are very close with each other. How do we maintain a strong friendship when we go to college? We are planning on going to different colleges, possibly in different states. We don't want to lose what we have right now. -- GOOD FRIEND ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: Do it the way everyone else does -- through instant messaging and social media. But understand that both of you will have new responsibilities that will occupy your time, and you will be meeting new people and forming additional relationships. It doesn't have to have a negative impact on your close friendship if you both approach it with the right attitude. College is a time for growth and expansion. When you see each other during vacations from school, you can share that with each other.

TeensWork & School
life

Comedy Career Starts Early For Grade-School Quipster

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 31st, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: While driving with my son when he was in fifth or sixth grade, I spotted a bumper sticker on the car ahead of us at a stoplight. It had the "My child is an honor student" message with his school's name on it. I said to him, in a not-too-subtle hint about his grades, "I'd like to have a bumper sticker like that to put on my car, too."

I realized he was developing a wicked sense of humor when he replied, "I'll see if I can steal you one." It's one of my favorite memories. -- OH, THE MEMORIES IN LA GRANGE, N.C.

DEAR MEMORIES: Funny! And what has he become? A lawyer, a politician or a comedian?

Family & Parenting
life

Seizure in Classroom Prompts Lesson on Reaction for Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 30th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Last week, I had a seizure in front of my fourth-grade students. This has never happened to me before, so I had never spoken to my students about such a thing. I want to write them and their families a letter expressing my apologies, thanking them for their kind thoughts and giving basic advice on how to handle a seizure. Is this appropriate? If so, how do I start the letter? -- APPROPRIATE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR APPROPRIATE: Before writing the letter, check with the principal of your school. Because you now know that you are prone to having seizures, I think it makes sense that your students should know what one is, and what to do in case it happens again in the classroom. Some seizures can be almost unnoticeable, while others can be quite severe. If yours are severe, a student should immediately inform another adult and ask for help.

P.S. While you may want to thank everyone for their kindness, it should not be necessary to apologize to anybody for something you couldn't control.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Independent Teen Is In No Hurry To Dive Into The Dating Pool

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 30th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has always been very independent. She had a normal childhood with the usual friends and events, nothing traumatic that I know of. She is a pretty girl with a funny personality and is very bright.

The issue is, she is 18 and has been on only two dates. She shows no interest in forming any sort of romantic relationship. She has never had a boyfriend, though many boys have expressed interest in her. The two dates she did go on, one in high school and one in college, she called "duds."

She says she's not gay, and has commented on good-looking guys. I don't know what to think. Do you? -- WONDERING MOM

DEAR WONDERING MOM: You say your daughter has always been independent. It's possible she has enough self-assurance that she doesn't think she needs a man in her life right now. It may also be that before becoming emotionally involved with anyone she would prefer to focus on her education or career path. Whatever her reasons, you would be making a mistake to push her in any direction she doesn't feel ready for, or make her uncomfortable about being the way she is.

Family & ParentingLove & DatingTeens
life

Dad's Dying Wish Is Fulfilled With Help From Above

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 30th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Mom passed away five years ago, and Dad died four months ago. For the last years of his life Dad was hoping we'd move into their home. It's a beautiful place in a country setting with lots of trees, including pecan trees. We were undecided.

After Dad died, my husband and I were at home making all the funeral arrangements and we were both emotionally exhausted. While I tried to stay busy inside the house, my husband decided to go outside to clear his head. While walking around the yard, he found a pecan in the grass! Abby, there are no pecan trees in this entire neighborhood. We knew the rational answer was that a squirrel must have dropped it, but in our hearts we felt it was Dad giving us the hug we needed so badly, and his way of telling us that everything will work out.

We will be moving into my parents' home in the near future. -- AT PEACE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR AT PEACE: There's nothing nutty about your experience. Sometimes we just need a nudge from above to guide us into doing what's right for us. I wish you well in your new home.

Death

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