DEAR ABBY: We have a couple of daughters who have told us we must take off our shoes if we visit them (and our beautiful grandchildren). Although I'm not sure of their reasons for this, I do know for sure that we have never tracked any kind of dirt into their house when we visited. In fact, our shoes are always clean.

I have very sensitive feet. I cannot even walk outside barefoot. On top of that, my feet get cold if they aren't covered. I have always worn house slippers at home if I didn't have shoes on.

In a discussion with my wife, I suggested that their request was both inconsiderate and disrespectful. I also said they should provide alternatives to shoes for visitors if they expect guests to remove their shoes. What is the proper etiquette in a situation like this? -- COLD FEET IN IOWA

DEAR COLD FEET: A person does not have to track "dirt" into a house to carry germs on the soles of one's shoes. If guests have walked on a sidewalk or driveway where someone has walked a dog or spat, then I can see why a parent might want shoes removed if children play on the floor.

Good manners in a case like this would be to cheerfully cooperate with your hosts and, if slippers are not provided, to bring a pair over that you can leave for the next time you visit. It's a small price to pay for spending time with your beautiful grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: We have a 27-year-old nephew who lives at home with his parents. He is a good guy, but he doesn't drive. He has no physical or mental impairments that we are aware of, and all of his numerous family members have offered to teach him. But his nonchalant attitude toward learning has made everyone give up.

We live in a big city with poor public transportation, and his job is far from home. Catching the bus to work is unsafe and takes hours, and daily cab fare isn't cost effective. We know his parents aren't happy transporting him back and forth, and we think they need to push him toward more independence. His social life is limited to family events, and dating is out of the question.

We worry about what will happen as his parents are getting older, and none of us plan on assuming the responsibility of transporting him. Any suggestions? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: How do you know the parents aren't happy about transporting him? Have they said it? If so, the next time they vent, tell them you're concerned about their son and why. He may have additional problems that you are unaware of. He may simply be a late bloomer or have no incentive to be independent because his parents are happy with him snug in their nest.

However, if this is the elephant in the room that no one -- including the parents -- wants to acknowledge, keep mum because if you don't, you will be resented for it.

DEAR ABBY: My 7-year-old granddaughter, "Kelly," wanted a dollhouse for Christmas. I had a friend build a basic frame, shingled roof, chimney and shutters, then I decorated it.

I did everything by hand. I wallpapered each room, made little rugs and crocheted lace curtains. There were even little window shades. Kelly's room was a perfect princess bedroom. It took weeks, but I loved working on it.

The family came for five days over the holidays. Kelly loved her dollhouse and played with it every day. When it came time to leave, my daughter told Kelly she couldn't take it with her. She had to leave it at Grandma's "so she would have something to play with when she came to visit." Kelly was heartbroken. So was I.

Then my daughter told me (in private) the dollhouse was "too amateurish," which was why she didn't want it in her home. I think about it all the time and don't know how to get past it. Any advice? -- HURT GRANDMA

DEAR HURT: You appear to be a loving grandparent. Sometimes people say things without weighing the effect it will have on the person they're talking to. What your daughter said may have been honest, but it was extremely insensitive in light of the time, effort and love that went into that gift.

Your daughter appears to be more fixated on appearances rather than what's really important in life. What is sad to me is that she may pass along her skewed sense of values to your granddaughter.

DEAR ABBY: I joined a weekly prayer group with women from my church. As a young mom, I appreciate having the opportunity to get out of the house and socialize with other adults, and all the women are nice.

We use an online sign-up to schedule who will host each week. The trouble is, all of the other members have much larger, nicer homes than mine. There's always space for everyone to sit, and a basement for all the kids to play in while we're occupied. I'd love to host, but I'm afraid having all those people in my house would be an embarrassment.

No one has asked why I haven't hosted yet, but I'm getting worried about what to say if someone does. Should I just say I don't have the space? I feel it's rude of me to not take a turn. -- TINY HOUSE DWELLER IN KANSAS

DEAR T.H.D.: Not being able to accommodate a large group is nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a fact of life for many people. If you are asked about why you haven't hosted, tell the truth. Offer to host the gathering at the church -- or outside when the weather permits. If that doesn't work, volunteer to bring food to some of the events so you'll feel like you're contributing your share and no one will feel you are ducking a responsibility.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter's best friend took her life today. My daughter is devastated.

As a parent, I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go to bed this evening because I want her to fall asleep before me. It hurts not being able to take that pain from your child. I want to hold her in my arms tonight. She needs her space, but I don't know how to help her.

I don't know how it feels to be so young and lose a best friend by her own hand. What can I do? -- HOW DO I TAKE THE PAIN AWAY

DEAR HOW: The smartest thing you and the parents of other friends of the deceased girl can do is to see that your children have access to grief counseling by a professional. When a tragedy like this happens, many schools offer it to the students, but if this isn't being offered at the school your daughter and her friend attended, then the parents should step in.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22 and will graduate from college soon. I have worked hard for the last four years and will graduate with two degrees.

Recently, I decided to throw away all my makeup. I rarely wore it, and I think I am beautiful without it. Now that I'm about to enter the job market, I'm worried society won't see me as looking professional without it. I have appropriate dress clothes and I'm comfortable without the added "fluff" of makeup, but how will others see me? Is makeup a necessary part of the business attire?

I want to go into job interviews with as much confidence as possible and do well in my career. Also, if I wear makeup to an interview, will it be necessary for me to wear it on a daily basis once I get a job? Please enlighten me. -- BARE AND BEAUTIFUL

DEAR B AND B: Employers expect applicants to put their best foot forward during a job interview. But unless wearing makeup is part of the job description, I don't think it's a requirement.

How others will view you depends upon how well you perform the job for which you're hired. If you do it well, you will be respected. If you don't, no amount of makeup will put you in a better light. Being well-groomed does not necessarily mean wearing makeup.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think of taking young children into a prison to visit an uncle? The kids are 3, 4 and 6 and endure a 12-hour car ride each way. I stay out of it and haven't said a word to the parents, but I don't think this is the smartest idea. -- CARING BYSTANDER

DEAR BYSTANDER: You don't say how often these visits happen, but if it's often, it seems to me that a 12-hour drive (each way) would be very hard on small children. If you are a friend or relative and live nearby, I'm sure it would be appreciated if you volunteered to watch the kids while the parents make the drive. Have you considered it?