life

New Desk Comes With a View Co-Worker Would Like to Avoid

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I like my job a lot, but I have recently been assigned a different desk. I now sit next to someone who regularly draws his blood with a lancet and gives himself a shot for his diabetes just a foot away from me.

I am extremely uncomfortable around blood and needles. I don't want to make waves because this person has been here a lot longer than I have, and apparently, no one has ever been bothered by it.

Am I being silly? Would it be improper to ask my supervisor to move me? Moving desks is a big enough deal that I will have to give a reason. Help. -- SQUEAMISH IN GREAT FALLS, MONT.

DEAR SQUEAMISH: Because the sight of blood and needles makes you uncomfortable, discuss this with your supervisor ASAP. While these are procedures many people with diabetes must attend to on a daily basis, you shouldn't have to watch if you don't want to.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Grandma Resents Ex's Effort To Be An Honorary Grandpa

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law were blessed with a child two years ago. My ex-husband (not my daughter's father) has hardly been in her life since our divorce 15 years ago. She never called him Dad. We have both remarried.

He and his new wife have moved close to the kids and want to be grandparents. I don't have a problem with them being close to my daughter, but I resent them being called "grandparents." I feel that title should be reserved.

Frankly, this has put a chasm in an otherwise close relationship. My daughter and son-in-law don't understand why I'm having a problem with it. Please give me some advice. -- EARNED THE RIGHT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EARNED: OK. While I understand your jealousy, for all concerned, you need to realize that the more love and attention a child has, the better. Your grandchild will benefit from having many caring adults in his/her life as long as they're not at each other's throats. While your ex and his wife may not technically be grandparents, if you blow this out of proportion, you risk alienating your daughter, so I advise against it.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Signature Sets The Right Tone For Student-Teacher Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 23rd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a professor at a university on a military base in Germany. Most of my students are soldiers, their families or retirees, so my students range in age from 18 to 60. I do not yet have my Ph.D., only my master's.

I communicate a lot with my students through email. How should I sign my emails to them? I can't say Dr. So-and-So. Do I use my full name or Professor So-and-So? While I'm friendly with my students, I still believe in keeping a professional distance, and I want to convey a sense of professionalism in my emails. -- PROFESSOR SO-AND-SO

DEAR PROFESSOR SO-AND-SO: Sign your communications with your students exactly the way you have signed the one you have written to me.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & Ethics
life

Readers Share Many Reasons for Choosing to Be Cremated

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2015

DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from "Plotting and Planning in Arizona" (Oct. 5), regarding why cremation is so popular. There are also other reasons.

My father, a WWII veteran, had planned to be buried in a national veterans' cemetery. After his death we were informed that the only option currently available was interment in the veterans' wall of honor columbarium, because the cemetery had run out of space for traditional burials. -- PROUD DAUGHTER OF WWII VET

DEAR PROUD DAUGHTER: "Plotting and Planning" guessed one reason was cost, while another might be that we live in a more mobile society. Readers agreed, but offered additional input:

DEAR ABBY: Several people I know prefer cremation because they are claustrophobic. Even the thought of being shut up in a casket gives them the heebie-jeebies. -- DAVID IN EAST MOLINE, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: Rather than be buried in a cemetery ($$$) or be cremated (my kids objected), I'm donating my body to medical science. I have degenerative arthritis, asthma and other minor conditions. Perhaps by doing this, I can help one of my own or someone else, contribute to medical science and prolong a few lives. -- CAROL IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: A few reasons why I have requested cremation:

First, due to modern technology, it is now possible to take a portion of one's cremains and turn them into diamondlike gems, one of which I'd like to leave to my dear mother-in-law to be.

Second, because of the proliferation of fine mini-urns -- which may be used as jewelry -- I intend to have a portion of my ashes distributed to a few of the women who have touched my life in various ways over the years. I feel it is not only my right but also my duty to avoid saddling others with the exorbitant costs of today's funeral extravaganzas. -- KIFFIN, THE PRAGMATIST

DEAR ABBY: Cremation has a lot going for it. "Green burials" are becoming more popular. You can be wrapped in a shroud and buried in the ground. No chemicals, everything is biodegradable -- ashes to ashes, dust to dust. -- KEEP IT NATURAL

DEAR ABBY: Being an avid scuba diver, I have instructed my family that I wish to be cremated and my ashes turned into part of the memorial reef by the Neptune Society. This will help to create an underwater reef system not only for fish, but for divers to enjoy. That way, I'll be able to return to nature, give divers a place to enjoy and forever be back in the water that I have always loved. -- SCUBA SHELL

DEAR ABBY: I'm opting for cremation when my time comes. I don't want to be dug up in the future for someone's science project, grave robbers or archaeologists. I have "urned" my rest. -- RALPHEE IN ALABAMA

Death
life

Swinging Parents Undermine Values Taught to Their Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 21st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A short time ago, I discovered my parents are "swingers." I had picked up my mother's phone to take a picture and an incoming text caught my attention. When I read it and investigated further, I learned the truth.

I don't mind what they do with their marriage, and I respect their choices. However, my siblings and I were raised in a strict Christian home. My parents taught us the opposite of what they are doing. Now I feel they are hypocrites.

How can they tell me to act a certain way when they don't practice what they preach? I'm not sure if I should talk to them about it or drop this entirely. Help! -- DISILLUSIONED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: What exactly do you mean when you "investigated further"? If it means you searched the history in your mother's phone, you crossed the same line children do when they search through the drawers and closets of a parent's bedroom looking for things that are none of their business.

Before labeling your parents as hypocrites, please remember that they raised you with basic values that are shared by the majority of people. If they have "strayed from the path," it's their choice -- and it may have happened after they taught you your good Christian values.

I think you should talk to your mother about what you did and what you found. If you do, she may have a few more lessons to impart.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Fans Call Blocking Foul On People Who Refuse To Let Them By

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 21st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are avid sports fans and have season tickets to several sporting events. Our seats are in the middle of a row. Before we go to our seats, we check to see which way has fewer people seated so we disturb the fewest possible. We also try to leave our seats only during halftime or between innings and always apologize for disturbing anyone.

However, I am bothered that we are forced to climb over certain individuals who don't stand up to let us by. Sometimes I feel I'm almost bumping into the folks in the row ahead of us.

Is there a rule of etiquette that states that people should stand to allow others to get by? I don't want to step on toes or spill drinks on anyone. What should I do in these situations? -- SQUEEZED OUT IN HOUSTON

DEAR SQUEEZED OUT: Emily Post does have a rule regarding crossing in front of people in theaters and at sporting events. According to her, you should say, "Excuse me" or "Pardon me" on your way to your seat and "pass with your back to those already seated." (Personally, I would rather that someone face my navel than my posterior at eye level, but I didn't write the rule.)

Etiquette & Ethics

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