life

Readers Share Many Reasons for Choosing to Be Cremated

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 22nd, 2015

DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from "Plotting and Planning in Arizona" (Oct. 5), regarding why cremation is so popular. There are also other reasons.

My father, a WWII veteran, had planned to be buried in a national veterans' cemetery. After his death we were informed that the only option currently available was interment in the veterans' wall of honor columbarium, because the cemetery had run out of space for traditional burials. -- PROUD DAUGHTER OF WWII VET

DEAR PROUD DAUGHTER: "Plotting and Planning" guessed one reason was cost, while another might be that we live in a more mobile society. Readers agreed, but offered additional input:

DEAR ABBY: Several people I know prefer cremation because they are claustrophobic. Even the thought of being shut up in a casket gives them the heebie-jeebies. -- DAVID IN EAST MOLINE, ILL.

DEAR ABBY: Rather than be buried in a cemetery ($$$) or be cremated (my kids objected), I'm donating my body to medical science. I have degenerative arthritis, asthma and other minor conditions. Perhaps by doing this, I can help one of my own or someone else, contribute to medical science and prolong a few lives. -- CAROL IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: A few reasons why I have requested cremation:

First, due to modern technology, it is now possible to take a portion of one's cremains and turn them into diamondlike gems, one of which I'd like to leave to my dear mother-in-law to be.

Second, because of the proliferation of fine mini-urns -- which may be used as jewelry -- I intend to have a portion of my ashes distributed to a few of the women who have touched my life in various ways over the years. I feel it is not only my right but also my duty to avoid saddling others with the exorbitant costs of today's funeral extravaganzas. -- KIFFIN, THE PRAGMATIST

DEAR ABBY: Cremation has a lot going for it. "Green burials" are becoming more popular. You can be wrapped in a shroud and buried in the ground. No chemicals, everything is biodegradable -- ashes to ashes, dust to dust. -- KEEP IT NATURAL

DEAR ABBY: Being an avid scuba diver, I have instructed my family that I wish to be cremated and my ashes turned into part of the memorial reef by the Neptune Society. This will help to create an underwater reef system not only for fish, but for divers to enjoy. That way, I'll be able to return to nature, give divers a place to enjoy and forever be back in the water that I have always loved. -- SCUBA SHELL

DEAR ABBY: I'm opting for cremation when my time comes. I don't want to be dug up in the future for someone's science project, grave robbers or archaeologists. I have "urned" my rest. -- RALPHEE IN ALABAMA

Death
life

Swinging Parents Undermine Values Taught to Their Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 21st, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A short time ago, I discovered my parents are "swingers." I had picked up my mother's phone to take a picture and an incoming text caught my attention. When I read it and investigated further, I learned the truth.

I don't mind what they do with their marriage, and I respect their choices. However, my siblings and I were raised in a strict Christian home. My parents taught us the opposite of what they are doing. Now I feel they are hypocrites.

How can they tell me to act a certain way when they don't practice what they preach? I'm not sure if I should talk to them about it or drop this entirely. Help! -- DISILLUSIONED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: What exactly do you mean when you "investigated further"? If it means you searched the history in your mother's phone, you crossed the same line children do when they search through the drawers and closets of a parent's bedroom looking for things that are none of their business.

Before labeling your parents as hypocrites, please remember that they raised you with basic values that are shared by the majority of people. If they have "strayed from the path," it's their choice -- and it may have happened after they taught you your good Christian values.

I think you should talk to your mother about what you did and what you found. If you do, she may have a few more lessons to impart.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Fans Call Blocking Foul On People Who Refuse To Let Them By

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 21st, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are avid sports fans and have season tickets to several sporting events. Our seats are in the middle of a row. Before we go to our seats, we check to see which way has fewer people seated so we disturb the fewest possible. We also try to leave our seats only during halftime or between innings and always apologize for disturbing anyone.

However, I am bothered that we are forced to climb over certain individuals who don't stand up to let us by. Sometimes I feel I'm almost bumping into the folks in the row ahead of us.

Is there a rule of etiquette that states that people should stand to allow others to get by? I don't want to step on toes or spill drinks on anyone. What should I do in these situations? -- SQUEEZED OUT IN HOUSTON

DEAR SQUEEZED OUT: Emily Post does have a rule regarding crossing in front of people in theaters and at sporting events. According to her, you should say, "Excuse me" or "Pardon me" on your way to your seat and "pass with your back to those already seated." (Personally, I would rather that someone face my navel than my posterior at eye level, but I didn't write the rule.)

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Gay Grandma Is Unhappy Being Shielded From Son's Kids

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 20th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I came out of the closet when my son was 4. I thought I had taught him not to judge because of a label. He's now 30, with a wife and two adorable children who own my heart.

When my granddaughter was born, my partner and I were at the hospital and have visited with them often and they with us. However, after my grandson was born last year, my son quit speaking to me.

I have asked him numerous times what the issue is. His response is: "I have to protect my children from people who are gay. I don't want them to know anyone who is gay." His wife and her family are very religious, and I feel this is the real reason. What can I do? -- HEARTBROKEN GAY GRANNY

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: If your son is under the mistaken impression that he is going to somehow "protect" his children by isolating them from gay people, he must be living in an alternate reality. Does he also plan to emigrate to the moon?

I suspect you have put your finger squarely on the reason why your son is now ostracizing you. His wife appears to wield the power in that family, and could benefit by learning more about homosexuality and her religion, which I assume preaches love and tolerance for one's fellow man rather than judgment and exclusion.

You can't force your son and his wife to have contact with you if they don't want to. Leave open the possibility that they may, over time, reconcile their love for you with their faith.

For your own emotional well-being, it's important you find other outlets for your maternal instincts and go on with your life because any child would be blessed to be a part of it. Sadly, a large number of LGBT young people are rejected by their parents when they come out. These kids would benefit greatly from having a positive adult mentor like you. This could be your golden opportunity to make a significant, positive difference in someone's life. Contact Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays at pflag.org to find out how to get involved.

TeensSex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Sleeping In Late Wife's Deathbed Keeps Woman Up At Night

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 20th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is a widower. We have been dating for more than a year. He has his house and I have mine.

I just found out that we are sleeping in the bed his late wife died in. (She died in her sleep.) I had assumed that he had taken care of all that stuff because her clothes and other personal effects are gone.

How do I suggest we get another bed at his place? I try to have him come to my home as often as I can. But there are still times we end up at his house, and it's creepy. -- SLEEPING POORLY IN FLORIDA

DEAR SLEEPING POORLY: I agree. Tell him how you feel and suggest the two of you select a new mattress for his bed together. You have been a couple long enough that you should be able to speak frankly with him. And he has enough time invested in you that he should be willing.

DeathLove & Dating

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