DEAR ABBY: I am dating a man, "Richard," who is significantly older -- 17 years, actually. I'm in my mid-20s. I have no problem with it, as I have always been attracted to men who are older and have their lives together.

My parents are cool with it, but I know they have their reservations. Richard is not a sugar daddy; I don't love him for his money. I have my own success. I don't have "daddy issues," as my father is an amazing person who has raised me and my siblings well. My parents are still together and are great role models.

My friends can't find anything in common with Richard when we all hang out. It seems everyone around us is giving us grief -- including his parents. I understand the concern, but how can I convince everyone that I'm happy and willing to take this relationship wherever it goes? -- AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

DEAR AGE: The way to do that is simply to be happy and take the relationship one step at a time. While you're doing that, accept that relationships with this kind of age disparity are not without challenges. The friends you have now may never be comfortable around Richard, and you may have to make new ones closer to his age. Also, the women may look askance at you for being so young.

These things can be overcome. What bothers me about this scenario is that this man's parents are weighing in. By now one would think they would have accepted that their son is an adult and capable of making his own decisions about the women in his life.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend and I are having a disagreement. My 17-year-old son has a 16-year-old girlfriend. I know they are sexually active.

I spoke to my son and asked if she's on the pill. He said her mom refuses to put her on the pill. I gave my son $10, had a long talk about unwanted pregnancy, and told him to buy a box of condoms every few weeks and bring me the receipt so I know the money is being spent on condoms.

My problem is, my friend disagrees with me about what I did. She accused me of encouraging them. If I had a daughter, I'd buy the pill for her, so why not pay for condoms for my son? Who is right and who is wrong here? -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MISSOURI MOM: The girl's mother may think that by not providing her sexually active daughter with birth control, she is discouraging her from having sex. Clearly that hasn't happened. Of course you are right to make sure your son doesn't impregnate his girlfriend. Neither one of them is ready for the financial and emotional responsibility of a child.

Something I'm unclear about is why your friend is trying to guilt you out of it, when she should be minding her own business. Please tell her I said so.

DEAR READERS: Today we remember the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., who was martyred in the cause of civil rights in 1968. His words ring as true today as when he first spoke them: "Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married man with a great family that's mostly grown.

In high school I was infatuated with a girl, "Stacy," who was the center of attention, especially from the guys. As seniors we were close, but we never dated. When I left for college, we lost track.

In college I became involved with the woman who would become my wife. Before our wedding, I was at a friend's wedding, and Stacy and I danced several dances. Our chemistry was electric. I nearly broke up with my fiancee to see if Stacy and I could get together, but common sense prevailed.

At our 25th reunion, I saw Stacy again. She looked as good as ever. She is also happily married with a family. She gave me a hug that lasted a little too long, but was every bit as electric as our dance back then. Now I'm wondering what I have missed. Was the hug a signal or just the affectionate embrace of a good friend?

I'm afraid to contact her because I don't want to ruin my reputation or hers. We live in different states. Even if there is a spark there, I'm not sure we could sustain a relationship. But how do I get her off my mind? I'm tortured by the memories of the dance and the hug. -- ROMANTIC TEXAN

DEAR ROMANTIC: Let common sense prevail again and quit playing with fire before someone gets burned. The next letter may offer you some insight:

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife of more than 30 years reconnected with an old love from college through a social website. I was OK with it until I noticed she was getting obsessed with his chats. She kept saying they were just old friends and I should trust her.

It went on for months, until one day she forgot to close her chat session. It was obvious she regretted not marrying him and was reliving her past. We discussed it and I kept hearing, "Trust me, we're only fantasizing." It went downhill from there. We went through marriage counseling, but nothing changed.

What I learned through counseling is that an emotional affair may do more damage than an in-person one. While I thought I had a great marriage, she was thinking about what might have been with her first love. She wouldn't end the relationship and finally we divorced.

That was three years ago. He separated from his wife, and they lived together until she found out he wasn't the same person in real life that he was online or how she thought she remembered him from their youth. It didn't last, and he went back to his wife. My ex was sorry for what happened and wanted a second chance with me, but it was too late.

I'm now married to a wonderful woman I trust completely. My ex lost all she had except her memories of the 30 happy years we had together.

People need to understand how dangerous an emotional affair can be. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence. Old flames change from who they were in their youth, and an online fling can be disastrous. -- R.B. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: I am moving out of my parents' place soon to be with one of my best guy friends, but I haven't told my parents who I'm moving in with. In the past, they have caught on to my lies when I was going through my "phase," but I have been trying hard to be honest with them, so I don't want to lie.

When I briefly alluded to it with Mom as a "what if" situation, she didn't handle it well. She freaked out. They don't understand that I can have a guy best friend without having a sexual relationship with him.

Now I am torn. Should I be honest so they don't call me a liar down the road? Please help! -- MISS INDEPENDENT IN COLORADO

DEAR MISS INDEPENDENT: Do not lie to your parents. If you do, you are only forestalling the inevitable. If you are mature enough to be moving in with someone, you should be able to tell them where they can find you and who your roommate will be.

You and this young man should explain that while you are good friends, you are not a romantic couple. Having a platonic male roommate can have its advantages -- as long as the parameters of the arrangement are clearly understood before either of you signs a lease, and your financial responsibilities (and his) are clearly stated, preferably in writing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I have been feeling very sad and down in the dumps lately. I recently lost my younger sister to sickle-cell. I also didn't make my school's soccer team. I have been crying often -- sometimes for no reason, and other times because I'm mad at myself for crying all the time.

I have tried talking to my parents, friends and my family's therapist (we got her because of my sister), but nothing seems to change my mood. It's as if they just don't get how I'm feeling. It also doesn't help that it seems like everyone else's life is so much better compared to mine. If you could offer any advice to help me with my feelings, I would really appreciate it. -- DOWN IN THE DUMPS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DOWN IN THE DUMPS: Losing a younger sibling is difficult at any age, but when you are a young teenager, it can be even harder. Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister.

I'm glad your family sought guidance from a therapist to help you all through this difficult time. The feelings you are experiencing are normal under the circumstances. But because they are not lessening, it's important you let the therapist know they are causing you additional stress so that, if necessary, you can be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Feelings like the ones you describe can be worked through if they are dealt with in a timely manner and not allowed to fester.

DEAR ABBY: What is the correct etiquette for eating shrimp? My husband says it's OK to eat it with your fingers -- even shrimp scampi. -- PAT IN TEXAS

DEAR PAT: According to Emily Post, shrimp can be eaten with the fingers "when served in a bowl or platter with a dip, or tail-on in shrimp cocktail." A fork should be used when it is served "tail-less in a shrimp cocktail or as a main course."