DEAR ABBY: I am moving out of my parents' place soon to be with one of my best guy friends, but I haven't told my parents who I'm moving in with. In the past, they have caught on to my lies when I was going through my "phase," but I have been trying hard to be honest with them, so I don't want to lie.

When I briefly alluded to it with Mom as a "what if" situation, she didn't handle it well. She freaked out. They don't understand that I can have a guy best friend without having a sexual relationship with him.

Now I am torn. Should I be honest so they don't call me a liar down the road? Please help! -- MISS INDEPENDENT IN COLORADO

DEAR MISS INDEPENDENT: Do not lie to your parents. If you do, you are only forestalling the inevitable. If you are mature enough to be moving in with someone, you should be able to tell them where they can find you and who your roommate will be.

You and this young man should explain that while you are good friends, you are not a romantic couple. Having a platonic male roommate can have its advantages -- as long as the parameters of the arrangement are clearly understood before either of you signs a lease, and your financial responsibilities (and his) are clearly stated, preferably in writing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I have been feeling very sad and down in the dumps lately. I recently lost my younger sister to sickle-cell. I also didn't make my school's soccer team. I have been crying often -- sometimes for no reason, and other times because I'm mad at myself for crying all the time.

I have tried talking to my parents, friends and my family's therapist (we got her because of my sister), but nothing seems to change my mood. It's as if they just don't get how I'm feeling. It also doesn't help that it seems like everyone else's life is so much better compared to mine. If you could offer any advice to help me with my feelings, I would really appreciate it. -- DOWN IN THE DUMPS IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DOWN IN THE DUMPS: Losing a younger sibling is difficult at any age, but when you are a young teenager, it can be even harder. Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister.

I'm glad your family sought guidance from a therapist to help you all through this difficult time. The feelings you are experiencing are normal under the circumstances. But because they are not lessening, it's important you let the therapist know they are causing you additional stress so that, if necessary, you can be evaluated by a psychiatrist. Feelings like the ones you describe can be worked through if they are dealt with in a timely manner and not allowed to fester.

DEAR ABBY: What is the correct etiquette for eating shrimp? My husband says it's OK to eat it with your fingers -- even shrimp scampi. -- PAT IN TEXAS

DEAR PAT: According to Emily Post, shrimp can be eaten with the fingers "when served in a bowl or platter with a dip, or tail-on in shrimp cocktail." A fork should be used when it is served "tail-less in a shrimp cocktail or as a main course."

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Fred," lost a lung to cancer 14 years ago due to smoking. He is one of the lucky ones to survive a deadly cancer.

Even though he has only one lung, he continues to smoke "secretly." I have begged, offered in-house treatment, anything to get him to stop, to no avail. What is troublesome is that Fred is in denial. For the last several weeks, he has blamed his coughing and wheezing on "allergies." He also chews nicotine gum nonstop. It's expensive, but he uses it to get his nicotine fix when he's around me, our family and friends.

I am angry, frustrated and sad that Fred has chosen cigarettes over having a chance to live, enjoy his grandchildren and grow old with me. Sometimes I think he doesn't deserve to still be on this earth because he disregards his health after nearly dying from complications after his lung surgery.

Fred is loving, warm, caring and intelligent -- except when it comes to his health. What can I do short of leaving him? -- MISERABLE IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MISERABLE: There is nothing more you can do. Your husband is hopelessly addicted to nicotine and he's incapable of getting away from it.

I doubt you are serious about leaving him, and I wouldn't suggest it anyway. Try to enjoy the time you have with him, and understand that many smokers go to their graves begging for cigarettes while on their deathbeds. It's not that he doesn't love you or that he loves his cigarettes more. He's hooked.

DEAR ABBY: I am a rent-paying adult tenant who lives at home with my mother. Mom gave a house key to my sister and brother to be used in the event of an emergency. On several occasions they have used their key to enter the house unannounced, startling both me and Mom.

I have asked them to please either knock or use the doorbell and wait to be let in when dropping by unannounced like anyone else would do. My brother has graciously honored my request. My sister thinks that because she was given a key she has the right to unlock the door and come into our home whenever she wants to.

I find what she's doing intrusive and upsetting. How can I get her to respect my wishes and honor my privacy in my own home? Mom agrees with me, but is reluctant to ask my sister to return the key. -- ADULT TENANT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ADULT TENANT: Your sister may feel that because the house technically belongs to your mother (in spite of the fact that you are paying rent) that she doesn't have to respect your wishes. Unless your mother is willing to assert herself and tell your sister she feels the same way you do, and if it happens again she wants her house key returned, the problem will continue. At this point, the ball is in Mom's court.

DEAR ABBY: I am 42 years old and a divorced father of two. Earlier this year, I caused a fatal drunk driving accident. Once I came to and realized what I had done, I accepted responsibility and pled guilty to my crime. I have never before been in trouble with the authorities.

I believe God has forgiven me. I know my extremely supportive family and friends have also forgiven me. But how do I forgive myself? I think about it and cry daily for my victim and that family. I pray they will find some comfort that I am behind bars.

I plan to volunteer and use my time to help others as I have done in the past, once I am free. I also plan to tell my story to as many people as will listen to help stop the senseless act of driving under the influence.

I can never, and will never, forget what I have done. But I know I must forgive myself in order to move forward and start helping others. Any advice or suggestions you can give to help me work on forgiveness while I am in here would be greatly appreciated. -- UNFORGIVEN INMATE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNFORGIVEN: Something you can do while you are incarcerated would be to start a dialogue with the clergyperson of your faith who ministers to the prison population. Because re-entry into the larger community can be stressful, if substance abuse counseling is available, join a group. It might help you avoid falling back into old habits upon your release.

DEAR ABBY: I am the owner of an art gallery and often host shows with a reception to introduce artists. This generates interest in their artworks among patrons purchasing a piece for their home or to add to their collection. We provide hors d'oeuvres and beverages for our clients and potential clients.

Several individuals come to our receptions and heap food on their plates, often filling them a second time and sometimes a third. One woman has carried food out, saying it was for her husband who was waiting outside. (He must have been hiding, because I watched her get into her car alone and drive off.)

Abby, these people rarely even look at the art, let alone buy anything. They just eat and leave. My gallery is in a fairly small community, so I don't want to be rude, but how can I tactfully tell these people to ease on down the road? -- NOT RUNNING A SOUP KITCHEN

DEAR NOT: Have an employee monitor the food display, and when someone is spotted taking food outside or pigging out, have the employee quietly intervene. As for individuals who come to your gallery only to eat -- and by now you know who they are -- greet them politely and suggest quietly that because it is clear that your taste in art and theirs is not the same, it would be better if they shopped elsewhere.

P.S. And if attendance to these openings is by invitation, simply stop inviting the offenders.