life

Good Manners Are in Short Supply When Couple Eats Out

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 2nd, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am recently divorced and now seeing a wonderful woman who is pretty much everything I was looking for except for a couple of issues, which concern going out to eat -- which we do often. Not once has she offered to pay for a meal.

I make good money, but she is not financially strapped by any means. While I can live with her not paying, what annoys me is she rarely says thank you after a dinner date. Once, she ordered a to-go selection to take home to her daughter. I paid for it, but again got no thanks. When we arrived at her house, she gave the food to her daughter without mentioning that I had bought it for her.

Other than her manners, she's a great gal and I'm happy we're together. Am I being petty and overly sensitive? My ex-wife never appreciated me, so I guess it's a sore spot. How should I approach this without jeopardizing everything else? -- HESITANT TO SPEAK UP IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HESITANT: Your great gal has poor manners. Approach it by telling her exactly what you have written to me. Then ask her why she never says thank you and didn't bother to give you credit when you did something nice for her daughter.

Either this woman never learned basic manners, or she takes you for granted. And if this is a pattern with all the women in your life, it's important you understand why and do something about it before you marry again or you will never be happy.

Love & DatingMoneyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Handicapped Patrons Go To The Front Of The Line For Accessible Bathroom Stalls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 2nd, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I stepped into a public restroom with three regular stalls and a handicap/wheelchair-accessible stall. All the stalls were occupied, so I got in line. By the time it was my turn, the handicapped stall was available. Behind me was a mother with a fussy baby and a toddler, and she needed to use the baby changing station, which happened to be located inside the handicapped stall. I let her go first.

What I didn't realize was a woman in a wheelchair was also in line behind me. She got upset when I let someone else use the stall instead of allowing her. Someone else in line piped up and told her she had to wait in line like everyone else.

When situations like this arise, should disabled people be allowed to skip the line and go straight to the big stall? Even if the mother with the baby and the location of a diaper changing station were not a factor, is the right thing to do to let a wheelchair-bound person use the restroom first, even if he/she is at the end of the line? -- TRYING TO BE POLITE

DEAR TRYING: Yes, it is. It's called a "handicapped stall" for a reason. The person with the disability should have been allowed to use it first -- even if he/she was at the end of the line.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Lost Inheritance Should Come As News When The Will Is Read

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 2nd, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have two children from a previous marriage. We have a distant relationship. For valid reasons, they have been written out of my will. Should I tell them now, or let them find out after my death? -- WONDERING WHAT TO DO

DEAR WONDERING: I see no reason to announce it now, because before you die you might change your mind.

MoneyDeathFamily & Parenting
life

Dawn of Another Year Brings Opportunities to Begin Anew

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 1st, 2015

DEAR READERS: Welcome to 2015! If the last year was challenging for some of us, a new one has arrived, bringing with it our chance for a new beginning.

Today is the day we have an opportunity to discard destructive old habits for healthy new ones, and with that in mind, I will share Dear Abby's often-requested list of New Year's Resolutions, which were adapted by my late mother, Pauline Phillips, from the original credo of Al-Anon:

JUST FOR TODAY: I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once.

I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things that I can correct and accept those I cannot.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will make a conscious effort to be agreeable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully -- if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.

JUST FOR TODAY: I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.

And now, Dear Readers, I would like to share an item that was sent to me by L.J. Bhatia, a reader from New Delhi, India:

DEAR ABBY: This year, no resolutions, only some guidelines. The Holy Vedas say, "Man has subjected himself to thousands of self-inflicted bondages. Wisdom comes to a man who lives according to the true eternal laws of nature."

The prayer of St. Francis (of which there are several versions) contains a powerful message:

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

"Where there is injury, pardon;

"Where there is doubt, faith;

"Where there is despair, hope;

"Where there is darkness, light;

"And where there is sadness, joy.

"O Divine Master,

"Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

"To be understood, as to understand;

"To be loved, as to love;

"For it is in giving that we receive,

"It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

"And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

And so, Dear Readers, may this new year bring with it good health, peace and joy to all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Daughter's Baby-Sitting Leads to Another Baby

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Sierra," started baby-sitting in the afternoons for a couple when she was 15. Sometimes her dad or I would drop her off; sometimes the husband, "Karl," would before he left for work. My husband and Karl became friends, and when Karl and his wife split up, we let him stay on our couch for a few months.

Then we found out Sierra was pregnant and that she and Karl had been sleeping together before he split with his wife. My daughter is upset that we want to involve the police and press charges because she was underage. How can I get Sierra to stop hating me and understand that this relationship isn't healthy? -- "THE ENEMY MOM" IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR "ENEMY MOM": Sierra is mad at you because you are injecting an unwelcome note of reality into her fantasy of "love." Karl is a predator who needs to be answerable for what he did. He will also have to support that child until he or she is no longer a minor. Because he has shown himself to be amoral and irresponsible, involve not only the police but also the department of social services to ensure that he lives up to all of his responsibilities.

TeensSex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

Supervisor's Questioning Smacks Of Employment Discrimination

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: It was brought to my attention that an employee in my workplace was asked by his supervisor if he would be OK with working with a gay male before the person was interviewed. Is this even legal? She basically "outed" the potential employee in the workplace.

If the person she asked did have a problem working with someone who's gay, it implies the man wouldn't have been hired, which would be discrimination, wouldn't it? Couldn't that lead to a possible lawsuit? Or am I wrong? -- RIGHT OR WRONG IN WISCONSIN

DEAR RIGHT OR WRONG: I discussed your question with an attorney from Lambda Legal, the national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of LGBT people. Currently, 21 states plus the District of Columbia have laws that protect gay people from employment discrimination. Wisconsin is one of them.

The attorney said that "outing" the candidate to the other employee was "not necessarily illegal," but that it was "definitely a bad business practice."

In the 21 states that offer protection for gay people, a prospective employer cannot base a hiring decision on how comfortable someone is with the candidate's sexual orientation, or the perception that a co-worker or customer might be uncomfortable with a gay person. That is discrimination, and it is illegal.

Sex & GenderWork & School
life

Happy New Year!

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 31st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: The year is almost over -- I can't believe how fast it has gone! Please accept my heartfelt wish for a happy, healthy and prosperous 2015. And if you are partying this evening, please be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY

Holidays & Celebrations

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