life

Woman Is Puzzled by Guy Who Refuses to Get Naked

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy four months ago. Our relationship is new and pretty casual for the most part. We like each other's company and spend nights together, but when we're intimate, he keeps his clothes on -- boxers and all. He is only 26, but he has told me about past relationships, so I know he has had experience.

Over the past two years he has lost almost 100 pounds. He looks great now -- healthy and toned. I have seen him get in and out of the shower. (I noticed a little excess skin on his stomach, but not much.) It's really weird. I don't feel comfortable taking my own clothes off when he doesn't.

This isn't exactly a deal breaker for me, as I obviously am attracted to him. I just would like him to be comfortable with me. Should I address this with him, and if so, how? Or should I just leave it be for now? -- AWKWARD SITUATION IN GEORGIA

DEAR AWKWARD: It's apparent that he still has body issues having to do with his extreme weight loss. If you know him well enough to spend nights at his house, you should be able to communicate with him about sex on a mature level and tell him the experience would be more satisfying for you if there was less between you when you are in his arms.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Poker Helps Pay The Bills, Despite Trouble At Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I work full time. We are trying to save for our wedding and a deposit for a house. The trouble is, after paying rent, bills and day-to-day expenses, we are left with next to nothing.

I played poker when I was in college, which generated a nice income during my late teens and early 20s. A few months back, I decided to pick it up again and found a group of people who like to play. Since then, I have been playing four hours two or three nights a week, and it has generated an extra monthly income of $1,000 to $1,500. Our finances have improved a lot.

There are nights my fiancee wants me to stay home. She says if I had a part-time job, she would understand why I couldn't stay home on the days she asked. But to me, poker IS a part-time job, and it pays more than anything else I could find in this area. I play the same set schedule every week, so she should know what nights I need to go in to "work." What do you say? -- ALL-IN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ALL-IN: You appear to be a skillful card player or a very lucky one. Assuming that the games in which you are participating are legal, I see nothing wrong with what you're doing. Because your fiancee feels lonely when you're not with her, suggest that she do something with friends or take up a hobby. After all, you're doing this for the both of you, aren't you? And this "part-time job" isn't going to be forever.

Love & DatingMoney
life

Bored and Lonely Teen Should Find Hobby to Fill Her Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 19-year-old sister died two years ago from an overdose. I'm 13. We were very close when we were little, but during the four years before she passed away, my parents didn't want us around each other for fear of her rubbing off on me, and she wasn't home half the time anyway. A year earlier she went to rehab, and I remember talking with her about how she was clean for good and then ...

It's just so lonely! All my friends have sisters and brothers and I don't, and I'm bored all the time. My parents work a lot, so I'm home alone at least three times a week, and although I've got friends and sports, I'm just really alone.

It's awkward going out to dinner or going on vacation because my parents just want to sit and relax, and I want to go out and do things, but it's embarrassing going everywhere with your parents. I miss having her around. -- ALONE IN OHIO

DEAR ALONE: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your sister. You are still grieving, which is why you say you feel alone. However, if you think about it, because of her addiction, she has been out of your life for longer than two years. It may be that what you're really mourning is the relationship you MIGHT have had.

You say you have friends. If you listen to them talk, you may find that they, too, sometimes feel alone even if they have siblings. Many teenagers have told me this. Because you're bored when you're not with your friends or participating in sports, consider finding a hobby that will fill your time when your parents are working, or do some volunteering if they agree.

You might also consider adopting a pet from a shelter to keep you company. Of course, pets require feeding, training, affection and exercise, but in return they offer unconditional love and companionship. If it would be all right with your parents, it might be a solution for you.

TeensFamily & ParentingDeathAddiction
life

Online Boyfriend Shies Away From Face-To-To-Face Meetings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I met a guy online. We have been dating for some time now. We have a wonderful connection and have our dates on Skype. The problem is, we have never met in person.

Every time we plan on meeting, he shuts up for a time, isn't reachable, then suddenly reappears and makes excuses, asking me to forgive him and plan another meeting. Should I still believe this will happen anytime soon? -- LEFT HANGING IN NAIROBI

DEAR LEFT HANGING: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings, but something smells fishy here. "Catfishy." From where I sit, it appears your wonderful connection may be only your connection to the Internet. A person who does this repeatedly may not be who he has represented himself to be. Do not count on him for ANYthing.

Love & Dating
life

Love of Woman's Life Can Be Only a Part-Time Passion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I fell in love with a boy when I was 12, deeply in love. We met at our county fair. We grew up together and have remained friends for 30 years. He married and had children, as did I. I am now divorced, but he's still married.

Recently our friendship has grown into something more. He wants our relationship to continue, but he's afraid to leave his wife because of the kids. They have been together for 20 years.

What do I do? He's the love of my life. Any time I have with him is better than none. It's not that I don't know I deserve better, but he is unhappy, and I am miserable without him. What do I do? -- PRISONER OF PASSION IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PRISONER: What you do depends upon your strength of character and what you want out of life. If you want to spend the foreseeable future as this man's "side dish," then continue as you have been, a "prisoner of passion" with not much common sense. If you would like to have a stable life and find a man who will make you No. 1 in his life, then you will have to call a halt to this affair and go through a period of withdrawal -- the same as people have to do with any addiction. It may not be pleasant, but I recommend it.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

75th Birthday Is Cause For Celebration Of Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm turning 75 soon, and enjoying retirement, good health and a comfortable lifestyle, which is why I have arranged a "Celebration of My Life -- So Far." I'm excited about it and eagerly anticipating more than 60 guests for cocktails and a sit-down dinner at a nearby hotel.

It's not uncommon these days for a celebration of life to be held after someone dies. However, I prefer to have mine BEFORE I leave this Earth so I can celebrate along with my loved ones. I want to be there, especially since I'm the one who's paying for it!

What do you think of my idea? Would you enjoy partaking in such a special event? -- THINKING AHEAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR THINKING AHEAD: I think it's a terrific idea. And yes, I would enjoy celebrating such a special event, if I were invited. When is this party? I'll be standing by my mailbox!

Holidays & CelebrationsDeath
life

Men And Women May Object To Being Called Boys And Girls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Why is it socially acceptable to refer to a grown woman as a "girl," and yet it would never be appropriate to call a man a "boy"? -- BARBARA IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR BARBARA: I'm not sure whether all women would accept being called a "girl." In fact, some would find it condescending and offensive. If you call a man a "boy," he could regard it as an assault on his masculinity.

And yet, I have heard those terms used in the third person, as in, "What's my husband doing on Saturday? He'll be out playing golf with the boys, while I'll be going to lunch with the girls." And I have never heard that it was offensive to either sex.

Etiquette & Ethics

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