DEAR ABBY: "Left Out in Florida" (Sept. 2) feels it is inconsiderate of her daughter-in-law to speak only her native language (not English) with her children in front of their grandparents. You advised that the mother should speak English in this situation.

My son attends a bilingual immersion school, and I have experience with this issue. I have attended lectures about raising bilingual children.

It is extremely difficult to pass on a language other than English to kids living in America. As the children grow, they will be increasingly drawn to English. The most successful families are those who do exactly what the mom in the letter is doing. They speak only their native language with their children and are very persistent about it. This is the recommendation of the experts in the field.

What should also be happening is translation for others when necessary. Ideally, there is a level of support from family and friends who understand what a worthwhile, yet difficult, task this is. Grandparents don't need to understand everything that is said, and their job is to speak English with the youngsters so they become truly bilingual.

Bilingualism is an incredible gift to give a child. It goes beyond just learning another language. It broadens mental development, thought patterns and world perspective. It must be done during childhood while the brain is still pliable, and continue until adulthood or the language will be lost.

These parents obviously understand the value of what they are doing. I hope the grandparents will support it. -- BILINGUAL MOM IN OREGON

DEAR BILINGUAL MOM: Thank you for lending your insight. I heard from others who, like you, have firsthand knowledge on this issue:

DEAR ABBY: My son also married a woman from another country. She has spoken only her native tongue to my granddaughter from day one. My son speaks English to his daughter. My daughter-in-law speaks English to me.

I care for the little girl three days a week. She's 4 and completely bilingual. I thank my lucky stars that she has this opportunity. And I'm glad for her other grandparents, who do not live in this country or speak English, but can communicate with her. I don't worry that they're secretly talking about me. "Left Out" should be grateful her grandkids have this huge advantage. -- JEAN IN MILLERSVILLE, MD.

DEAR ABBY: I wish you had suggested to "Left Out" that she and her husband try to learn the language of their grandchildren. It's not difficult to learn a few foreign conversational phrases, or even be able to carry on a coherent conversation using free or inexpensive tools available at the library or online.

Of course, in order to do that, they have to want to reach out and make the effort. Perhaps if they did, the daughter-in-law might feel a little more welcoming and less distant.

Ever since my grandkids started attending a bilingual school, I have been studying to try to keep up with them, and so have the other grandparents. Communication is a two-way street! -- JUDI IN ELGIN, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom. My child's father has refused to take any responsibility since before the baby was born. I never cut ties because I'm sure my son will someday long for and want to know his real father.

Even though he renounced his responsibility, he took it back and said he'd try to be there for my child. We are geographically many miles apart, and I no longer expect or hope for any possibility of a reconciliation -- which is fine. I just never wanted to seem like someone who has been dumped, so I reason that we're cool.

Abby, he never calls to ask how our child is. What should I do? Should I cut ties with him forever, or must I continue to be the one to message him informing him about the milestones? Should I keep this connection going or let it go? -- CONFUSED SINGLE MOM, YOKOHAMA, JAPAN

DEAR CONFUSED: A man who "tries" to be responsible for his children pays at least token child support to ensure that they are fed, clothed and educated. Nowhere in your letter did you indicate that your child's father has done that -- or intends to.

If you want to stay in touch so your child will have an address to reach him when he's older, I think that's laudable. But if you're expecting he will suddenly develop an interest -- or a conscience -- the pattern that has been set seems pretty well established, so don't get your hopes up.

DEAR ABBY: We're in the middle of a dispute with my mother-in-law. She insisted on using place cards at our family's Thanksgiving dinner to indicate where she wanted us to sit. I felt it was controlling because it was only a small group of people. When I asked her why she needed a seating plan, she said it would be "fun."

While it ended up that we all sat where we wanted and everyone conversed nicely, she said her holiday was "ruined" because I ridiculed her for wanting to use place cards. What is your opinion? Would you ask your immediate family to sit in their appointed chairs, or let everyone sit where they would like? -- MUSICAL CHAIRS IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR MUSICAL CHAIRS: One of the perks of hosting a sit-down dinner is having the privilege of controlling the seating, regardless of whether guests are friends or relatives. That it was a "family dinner" is beside the point. For you to have made such a scene that you ruined your hostess's evening was rude, and you owe her an apology.

DEAR READERS: If you plan to be out celebrating New Year's Eve on Wednesday and plan to drink, please arrange for a designated driver to transport you. It could save your life or someone else's. The American Automobile Association in some -- not all -- communities offers a safe-ride program for members and nonmembers. To find out whether it's happening in your community, go online or call your local branch of the AAA.

DEAR ABBY: I recently got married. My husband goes through my purse, my papers, my jewelry, my clothes -- and even my underwear. He says that as my husband he has the right to do that. He says I am wrong to object.

What are your thoughts on this? I feel like although I'm a wife, I am still a person and have a right to be respected. How would you react? -- CONFUSED JANE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED JANE: I would react by calmly asking my husband why he thought it was necessary to invade my privacy like that and if he thought I was unfaithful, and I'd tell him I regarded it as a threat to the marriage. I'm sure he would react the same way if you searched through his belongings and the history on his phone and computer.

What he is doing is a red flag. It's an indication that he's insecure and controlling, and spouses who behave that way have been known to escalate to domestic violence. Marriage counseling now might head it off. But if it doesn't, you would be wise to consider ending the marriage before there are children involved.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to an incredible man for 32 years. He was quite a bit older and passed away a few months ago.

Along with a wonderful marriage, I also enjoyed the gracious family I married into: stepchildren, step- grandchildren and, in later years, step-greats. Although we rarely used the word "step," everyone always understood how I was related to them.

My question is, now that my husband is gone, am I still their step-whatever, or did I lose that when my husband died? We remain close. -- STEP-WHATEVER IN KANSAS

DEAR STEP-WHATEVER: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. Because your relationship with the family is a warm and close one, you shouldn't worry. I'm sure you will always be family to them. It's only when relationships are strained that problems like the one you're concerned about arise.

DEAR ABBY: While going through some old paperwork, I came across a bunch of pictures of my ex-girlfriend and me. Our relationship ended 10 years ago. She's married and lives in another state.

Part of me says it's time to get rid of at least some of them, but I'm not sure how to do it with respect to my ex and our past relationship. The other part of me wants to keep them, as they represent a happy time in my life and what I looked like back then.

My dilemma seems to be that these images still bring out strong emotions and memories even after all this time. What do you suggest? -- PHOTO-FINISHED?

DEAR PHOTO: If the memories and emotions are pleasant ones, hang onto the photos as souvenirs of happy times gone by. If you're unable to do that, destroy them because time has marched on, and so did the lady in the pictures.