DEAR ABBY: I recently got married. My husband goes through my purse, my papers, my jewelry, my clothes -- and even my underwear. He says that as my husband he has the right to do that. He says I am wrong to object.

What are your thoughts on this? I feel like although I'm a wife, I am still a person and have a right to be respected. How would you react? -- CONFUSED JANE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFUSED JANE: I would react by calmly asking my husband why he thought it was necessary to invade my privacy like that and if he thought I was unfaithful, and I'd tell him I regarded it as a threat to the marriage. I'm sure he would react the same way if you searched through his belongings and the history on his phone and computer.

What he is doing is a red flag. It's an indication that he's insecure and controlling, and spouses who behave that way have been known to escalate to domestic violence. Marriage counseling now might head it off. But if it doesn't, you would be wise to consider ending the marriage before there are children involved.

DEAR ABBY: I was married to an incredible man for 32 years. He was quite a bit older and passed away a few months ago.

Along with a wonderful marriage, I also enjoyed the gracious family I married into: stepchildren, step- grandchildren and, in later years, step-greats. Although we rarely used the word "step," everyone always understood how I was related to them.

My question is, now that my husband is gone, am I still their step-whatever, or did I lose that when my husband died? We remain close. -- STEP-WHATEVER IN KANSAS

DEAR STEP-WHATEVER: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. Because your relationship with the family is a warm and close one, you shouldn't worry. I'm sure you will always be family to them. It's only when relationships are strained that problems like the one you're concerned about arise.

DEAR ABBY: While going through some old paperwork, I came across a bunch of pictures of my ex-girlfriend and me. Our relationship ended 10 years ago. She's married and lives in another state.

Part of me says it's time to get rid of at least some of them, but I'm not sure how to do it with respect to my ex and our past relationship. The other part of me wants to keep them, as they represent a happy time in my life and what I looked like back then.

My dilemma seems to be that these images still bring out strong emotions and memories even after all this time. What do you suggest? -- PHOTO-FINISHED?

DEAR PHOTO: If the memories and emotions are pleasant ones, hang onto the photos as souvenirs of happy times gone by. If you're unable to do that, destroy them because time has marched on, and so did the lady in the pictures.

DEAR ABBY: Is nitpicking a poor trait to have? I see it as a positive thing as long as matters are brought up in a helpful way. If you want a healthy relationship with the person you live with, isn't it best to tell her what you think should be done and how?

Two examples: My girlfriend likes to take her socks off when she's lying on the couch. She rolls them off her feet with the opposite foot and they sometimes end up in the corner of the couch, but most of the time on the floor. Also, dishes never get rinsed off, washed or put away on time. The sock thing is gross, and the dishes end up stinking or the food gets stuck on them. Also, the dishes sit in the strainer, not the cupboard.

My girlfriend thinks I go overboard and bombard her with these suggestions. I'd like to know how you and your readers feel about nitpicking. -- LIKES THINGS NEAT IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR LIKES THINGS NEAT: I find it interesting that you used the term "nitpicking." Is that what your girlfriend calls it when you tell her she's doing something that bothers you? Nitpicking encompasses more than asking someone to pick up her socks or not leave the dishes in the sink or on the counter. (If she washes them, shouldn't YOU put them into the cupboard?)

There are few things that a neatnik finds more upsetting than living with someone who is disorganized. You and your girlfriend appear to have some very basic differences. If you're planning to make this romance a lifelong commitment, I'm warning both of you in advance that you can't change another person. Got it?

DEAR ABBY: I've been doing my mother-in-law's hair for the last seven years. I became very busy with clients and had her double-booked in between clients because she wasn't a paying customer. She felt "shuffled around" and decided to text me, telling me she will go to another hairdresser.

I'm hurt and don't understand why she wouldn't communicate this to me directly so we could have worked something out. What's the best way to handle this? -- HAIRDRESSER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HAIRDRESSER: Talk with her directly. Tell her you received her text and the snub wasn't intentional. One would think she'd realize you were doing her a favor by working her in, but if she can't understand that, then perhaps it's better she see another stylist. Accept it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter calls me (hands-free) when she is driving in her car. We have lively conversations and I enjoy her calls. However, she is always either running errands or on her way to work when she calls. I can be in the middle of a sentence when she announces, "Oops, Mom, I've reached my destination. Gotta go. Love you!"

Am I wrong to feel she is "fitting" me in? Or should I just be happy for the call? -- A MOM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MOM: It may seem like your daughter is "fitting you in," but at least she ends the conversations with an expression of love. If her schedule is busy, her drive time may be the optimum time for her to talk privately. So be happy -- it's better than never hearing from her at all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a grad student who enjoys perusing social networks for jokes and stuff. The other day I came across a post from someone who said he wanted to kill himself. Naturally, I kind of freaked out.

I contacted the person to ask him not to and thankfully he didn't. Normally I don't do the whole "Internet friend" thing, but we decided to keep chatting and since then we have become fast friends. I'm not sure how to help this person, though.

He is in the military and fears losing his job if he seeks help. I don't want to pressure him into seeing a professional, since part of what's causing his anxiety is being ordered around constantly, but I don't want him to hurt himself. I know I can't save this person; I can only walk alongside while he figures it all out, but I don't want him to suffer. Please tell me what to do! -- LONG-DISTANCE FRIEND

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE FRIEND: I'll try. Are you sure this person is who he purports to be? Suicidal people don't usually broadcast it to strangers they meet on the Internet. When you say he's afraid that if he seeks professional help he'll lose his job, is he intending to make a career in the military? If the answer is yes, and he doesn't like "being ordered around constantly," he has chosen the wrong career.

You should tell this individual that it's essential he talk to someone about his suicidal impulses who has the training to actually help him with his suffering (your word). If you encourage him to lean on you, it will only prolong his procrastination about standing on his own two feet. For both your sakes, deliver your message clearly and back away. Because you have known each other for such a short time, it shouldn't be too traumatic.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary soon. One hundred and twenty-five invitations were sent and 80 people have responded that they will be attending. I have wondered about the 45 invitees who didn't respond one way or the other.

Today I was told there's a new rule of etiquette regarding the RSVP on an invitation -- that one doesn't have to respond unless one is attending the function. Is this true? Am I out of step with the current social culture?

I am more than aware that it has changed -- and would debate that it probably hasn't changed for the better with regard to social courtesy. So, in planning any function that entails food, hotel rooms, etc., am I to assume no response is a negative one? -- QUESTIONING IN THE SOUTHEAST

DEAR QUESTIONING: You are not out of step. There is no "new rule," unless the invitation specifies "regrets only." RSVP still means what it always has: "Repondez s'il vous plait." That's French for "Please respond." It doesn't mean to respond only if you plan on being there. Polite people take note of the phone number at the bottom of the invitation, or the little card included with it, and accept or decline.

While it's safe to assume that the individuals you didn't hear from won't be coming, it's also a clue that they may not have been taught good manners.