DEAR ABBY: Recently, our state became one that allows same-sex couples to wed. My partner, "Alex," and I have been together for 18 years. We had planned to be married last spring, but a death in the family put our wedding on hold.

When I found out about the ruling, I expected Alex to be excited and suggest we go ahead and marry. To my disappointment, he didn't seem to care. He hasn't mentioned marriage once, and when I bring it up, he's quiet and doesn't respond.

We're older, and because of health issues we don't have an active sex life. I'm wondering if my relationship with him has been downgraded to "roommate" without me realizing it. Do I push this? Do I let it alone and settle for what I have now?

I feel like I'm too old to start over, but I have to admit that suddenly feeling like the relationship I thought I had may be an illusion has me very depressed. -- LET DOWN IN ARIZONA

DEAR LET DOWN: The most important ingredient in any relationship is communication, and you and Alex have been together long enough that you should be able to level with each other. His reluctance to move forward may be something as simple as a case of cold feet. It could also be that he's had a change of heart and doesn't want to be married. Not all gay people do.

I don't think it would be pressuring him to calmly ask if the idea of being married is something that no longer interests him. If this level of commitment is what you want and he can't give it to you, you deserve to know.

DEAR ABBY: I have a teenage grandson with an upcoming birthday. For several years we have taken him to a major sporting event for his birthday. I get complimentary tickets for this from work.

Last year he noticed that the tickets were complimentary and acted very disappointed. We had spent more than $50 on refreshments and souvenirs. Should we take him to the game again this year, or opt for something else? -- CAN'T WIN FOR LOSING IN WICHITA

DEAR CAN'T WIN: Your grandson's reaction was disappointing. He should have been grateful to have been invited to share the experience. It would have been best to discuss his reaction at the time it happened.

Before making up your mind about what to do this year, ask him why he acted the way he did. Feel free to tell him it hurt your feelings. If it turns out he was looking a gift horse in the mouth, make plans to do something else for his birthday this year, at your discretion. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband works, but I do not. I stay very busy, but he expects me to pack him a lunch every day. It must include a breakfast item and a lunch item, as he is starving by the time he arrives at work, even if he ate at home.

My problem is, he has a huge list of "do not pack" preferences because he's so picky. It changes randomly. His list includes "Don't pack so many carbs; I want protein. No sandwiches. No spaghetti leftovers using twisted noodles -- only regular noodles. Don't use too many peppers; use more bell peppers and tomatoes." The list goes on and on.

I have told him he needs to eat what I give him since he expects a completely different lunch than our son, but he constantly complains about the lunches. However, if I don't pack his lunch, he refuses to pack one and then overspends on takeout. One man shouldn't spend $20 at Taco Bell in a single meal. I'm getting frustrated and don't know how to get this list to stop expanding. -- FRUSTRATED LUNCH PACKER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I know you're hoping I'll say that the solution is for him to pack his own darn lunches. But since he works and you are a stay-at-home mother, I'm reluctant to advise that.

Try this: Because your husband's list of preferences is not static and changes often, have him accompany you when you do the marketing on weekends so he can select what fruits and vegetables he would like to eat during the week.

When you get home, pack them in plastic containers labeled Monday, Tuesday, etc., so that when he's on his way to work he can grab one before he's out the door. Along with it include some lean protein. That way he'll have what he wants, and you'll have the peace of mind of knowing it's far healthier -- and less expensive -- than fast food.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 40s, married with two children. I am always getting invited to someone's bridal or baby shower. I loathe these events. I think they're a total waste of time. There are always stupid games guests have to participate in, and the nonsensical chatter is more than I can take. On top of that, the take-home gifts and door prizes are almost always tacky and cheap.

Am I alone in feeling this way? Do other women hate them, too? Most of the time, if I can, I decline the invitation (and send a gift if it's family). I just want off the invitation lists. Help! -- GROUCH IN NEW YORK

DEAR GROUCH: Some people enjoy these parties because they are acquainted with many of the other guests, and it gives them a chance to catch up. Others attend out of a sense of obligation or to support the honoree on a happy occasion. While you can't stop the invitations from being issued, if you continue to be unavailable, I predict that eventually you will receive fewer of them.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 17-year-old son. He spends half his time with me and the other half with his mom. My question is about his cellphone.

I can use an app on my phone to see the location of his phone. A friend of mine tells me I shouldn't stalk him or spy on him this way. She says it shows I don't trust or respect him. My son knows I can -- and do -- check on him using the GPS function in the phone, and he can do the same to locate me.

Checking on him from time to time gives me some comfort. I can't see who he's with or what he's doing, but I can see if he's where I expect him to be.

What do you think? Am I harming him by checking on him? Or am I "stalking" him, as my friend says? -- DAD WHO CARES IN OHIO

DEAR DAD: You and your friend appear to have different parenting styles. As long as your son is aware that you occasionally check his whereabouts, I don't consider what you're doing to be either harmful or stalking. As a parent, you have a right to know where your minor child is, and the GPS feature you describe has been known to save lives in the event of an emergency.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a sophomore in high school. I know this sounds awful, but I hate my father. If anyone disagrees with anything he says, that person is always wrong and he is right. (This includes scientific facts.) He is also a bigot who says horribly racist, sexist and homophobic things.

He has made me feel awful about the choices I have made in athletics and academics, and he gets angry at the drop of a hat for little things, like if I haven't organized the shoes in my closet. He yells and guilt trips my little sister until she cries.

I don't think I can take three more years of this. I'm uncomfortable anytime I'm around him. I can't talk to him because it's his way or the highway, and Mom doesn't want to make him angry, so she says nothing. What do I do? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father appears to be a man with a lot of problems, but you can't fix them. Because your mother is afraid to speak up, he probably won't change. She may stay with him because she's afraid she can't support herself and you girls on her own. Learn from her example, and resolve to be economically independent before you marry anyone.

Recognize that your father is the product of the way he was raised. It's likely he learned to be a bigot and verbal abuser from his own parents. Make up your mind that you will never be that way.

Because you are uncomfortable around your father, spend less time around him if you can. Try to be supportive of your sister, because she needs it and will as long as she lives in that house. And remember, three more years may seem like forever now, but in the scheme of things, it isn't. Once you are no longer a minor and have a job, you can arrange to get out of there.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)