DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult, the eldest of four children. I sleep in a basement (furnished and livable), which serves as my bedroom. I have no job, no driver's license, no friends who live close by.

I try to make my family happy, despite being underappreciated by my parents and siblings. No matter how often I clean the house, take the blame when I have done nothing wrong or try to be social and see eye to eye, I spend many nights crying like a baby in the inky darkness. A few times I have felt so down I have wanted to end my life.

I found an opportunity to get the training I need to accomplish the first half of my dream, and being a chef would help me earn the money I need to make the other half of my dream a reality. The thing is, I'm required to live on the property of the school.

I tried running away once and had to come back. I don't want my parents to think I'm trying to run away from them again, but we don't communicate well. How can I get them to see I'm trying to move toward my goal instead of severing family bonds? -- BABY OF THE BASEMENT

DEAR BABY: I don't know how old you were when you ran away, but if you are close to 18 or older, then finding a way to be self-supporting should be your priority. Family bonds are supposed to be bonds of love, not chains that prevent a person from achieving his or her potential. If you can't explain this to your parents, then you should enlist the help of another adult -- a family friend or a relative -- to help them understand that getting the training or certification you need for a career isn't severing anything, but is to everyone's advantage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 12 years old and I still play with dolls. My older sister keeps telling me to grow up. I am embarrassed to ask my mom about it. Lots of girls at my school are growing up and they wear makeup, and I feel left out sometimes. Sometimes I throw tantrums.

I try to get good grades, but my sister puts me down by saying stuff like I'm stupid. I try to ignore it, but it just gets in my head and stays in there forever.

It's hard growing up to be a young lady. I don't know what to do with my life. I'm trying to grow up, but I can't get out of my childish ways. Please help me, Abby. I would really appreciate it. -- SAMANTHA IN KOKOMO

DEAR SAMANTHA: Growing up isn't easy. I know people decades past the age of 21 who are still trying to do it, some with more success than others.

It might help you to know that people don't mature at the same rate. This may have to do with emotional maturity and hormones. At 12, you are supposed to be mature enough to control your emotions and not have tantrums. Because you aren't, it's important you talk with your mother about your feelings.

As to your dolls -- hang onto them if you wish. People of every age collect and enjoy dolls, and it's not a sign of immaturity. As to wearing makeup, that's a personal choice. If you aren't interested, it's nothing to feel self-conscious about. More important than growing up fast is growing up to be a self-confident person who accepts herself for who she is.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced because of another woman. I took it hard, but after a year or so, I was OK.

Fast forward to 2013: He shows up on my doorstep, needing food and shelter, so I took him in (he's still the father of my children). Now I can't get rid of him!

He's trying to show me he's changed. If I didn't know him, I'd think he wasn't the same man at all. I need to know if this is an OK situation for me to be in, because well-meaning friends and family tell me he won't change; he'll leave again. (I say, "As long as he abides by the terms of the divorce, so what!")

I don't care if he sees other people; he's my ex. As far as I'm concerned, he's just renting a room in my house. But I need to know -- am I hurting the kids by letting him stay? He seems to get along better with them now than he ever did, and I'd be renting that room to someone else if it wasn't him. As far as I'm concerned, better the devil you know than the one you don't.

Am I doing the right thing? And if so, how do I get well-meaning people to stop lecturing me? -- LANDLADY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LANDLADY: I can't see how your ex living in the house would hurt the children -- unless he suddenly disappears from their lives again. His presence there, even as "only a renter," may lessen your chances of finding a serious romance again, because few if any men welcome courting a woman under these circumstances.

However, if you are happy with things just as they are, then when the unwelcome lectures start, all you have to do is tell the well-meaning lecturers that you know what you're doing and to please pipe down. The arrangement you have with your ex may work better for both of you than the marriage did because it appears he is always on his best behavior.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: You mentioned in a recent column that few people write to follow up on what happened since their original letter was published. You printed mine April 1, 2001.

I am "Hurting in Houston," the son who, with his partner, was suddenly no longer welcome in his parents' home after they moved to a retirement community, because they were afraid their neighbors would shun them if they discovered they had a gay son. You advised that I should live my own life and, maybe, someday they would come around -- and that is what I did.

After a number of years, I received a call from a sibling informing me that my father was ill with only a short time left, and I should fly to their city to see him. I asked if I was wanted, and he said, "It doesn't matter, just come!" So I swallowed my pride, flew there and made my way to the hospice house.

Although my mother received me well, Dad did not, and we never had a good moment before he died a few days later. I told my mother I was staying for the funeral whether she liked it or not and had my partner fly in.

After the service there was a gathering at my mother's house with all their friends. I introduced my partner to them and everyone was as kind as could be. Many mentioned their own gay siblings or relatives.

When the event was over, my mother said, "Wow, this has all been pretty silly, hasn't it?" It was such a colossal understatement that I could not find words to respond.

Ten years have passed; my mother is now in hospice care with only a short time left. We have built a great relationship, and she loves my partner of more than 20 years very much. We are glad to be able to be there for her.

Much has changed in the world over these years and the acceptance of gays has been remarkable, but for me, having these last years with my mother's love will be a comfort I can hold onto for the rest of my life.

I have no great moral here, I just wanted to let you know what has happened. Thank you, Abby. -- NO LONGER "HURTING IN HOUSTON"

DEAR NO LONGER HURTING: And thank you for letting me and my readers know your story has a happy ending. I couldn't be more pleased to know you are doing well.

In case you didn't see it, there was a follow-up column regarding your letter that was published May 24, 2001, in which a family in California offered to adopt you and your partner! PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) was mentioned in that follow-up and is still an excellent resource for building bridges of understanding in families. Find it at pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am the caregiver for my husband, who is in a wheelchair and has to be helped when using the bathroom. When we are out in public and he needs a bathroom, should I use the handicapped stall in the men's or take him into the women's? Unisex restrooms -- one big room that can be locked -- are wonderful. -- CAREGIVER IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CAREGIVER: I agree, but not all buildings and businesses provide unisex restrooms. If none is available, then the rule of thumb is the disabled person should use the restroom of his/her gender -- in your case, the men's room.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.