DEAR ABBY: I live in a 55-and-older mobile home park. Because my coach isn't huge, I have a nice little backyard where I have a small vegetable garden and a lovely lemon tree.

One day while I was tending my garden, the woman who lives behind me came over to say hello and admire my vegetables. When she saw I have Swiss chard growing, she exclaimed, "Oh, I will have to pick some because my daughter loves it!"

I was dumbfounded. She has room to plant her own little garden, but never does. She has helped herself to lemons, too. When I saw her doing it, I was again too shocked to say anything. She doesn't ask; she just helps herself.

What do I say at times like these? We live so close and there are no fences ... yet. -- FUMING IN VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR FUMING: Unless you are willing to draw the line, your neighbor will continue to assume that silence is consent. So pay the woman a visit, and tell her you would prefer that she ask permission before helping herself to anything in your garden. And if that doesn't stop her, make installing that fence a priority.

DEAR ABBY: Nowadays, I'm learning about the deaths of family members and friends by email, and I'm uncertain how to respond. I always send thoughtful, personal handwritten notes of condolence. But how best to acknowledge or respond to the email?

It seems wrong to ignore it in favor of sending a letter via the Postal Service, because my message will take a while to reach the bereaved. But it also seems wrong to say, "Oh, so sad to hear the news" in an email, as if that was the sum total of my thoughts. What to do? -- CARING OUT WEST

DEAR CARING: Here's what I do. I pick up the phone and call the person who sent the email, or a member of the family that suffered the loss. I express my sympathy and find out the details -- such as where and when the funeral or memorial will be held, and if I can send flowers or make a donation. Then I write the condolence note.

DEAR ABBY: When I come home from work, errands or whatever, my wife is often on the phone. I find it rude that she won't put the phone down for a moment to say hello and, if the call needs to be returned, tell me briefly what it's about. Is that unreasonable?

My wife walks into another room with no explanation, never straying from the call, and continues talking for another 10 or 20 minutes. What do you think of this? -- CRAVING ATTENTION IN COLORADO

DEAR CRAVING: I agree that it would be more loving if she acknowledged your presence with a smile and a "Hi, Honey -- I'll be off the phone in a few minutes." However, for you to expect her to report who she's talking to and what they have been discussing seems not only nosy on your part, but could be considered controlling.

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DEAR ABBY: I was recently fired from my job for chronic tardiness. I have worked at this business for four years, and although I knew my lateness was seen as a problem by my boss, it was still a surprise.

Now that I'm back in the job market again, I'm wondering if I need to mention my previous tardiness on employment applications. I asked my mother, who has been privy to this whole mess. She thinks I should mention it and explain that I have learned my lesson -- especially when applying to a different branch of my former company that would have direct access to my evaluations.

I think I should explain my tardiness as a "lesson learned" on job interviews when/if it comes up, not on applications where I am trying to put my best foot forward. What say you? -- TARDY FOR WORK

DEAR TARDY: While I think your mother may mean well, I agree with you!

DEAR ABBY: When I was little I would have given anything to have met my father at least once. Now I am 26 and have a 2-year-old boy, "Sean." I am married, but not to his father (a man I'll call Charlie).

All of a sudden, Charlie is wanting to be in Sean's life, but Sean already knows my husband as his daddy. I'm confused and afraid. What's your advice? I don't want to confuse my little boy about the man who is raising him and his biological father, but I don't want to wait 'til Sean is older and cause him pain. -- MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM: It appears that Bio-Dad is a little slow on the uptake. Now that he wants to be part of Sean's life, he should also be paying child support if he doesn't already, so discuss this with a lawyer.

Charlie should be introduced to Sean by his name for now. When the boy is old enough to understand -- in a year or two -- he should then be told that he has two dads and that he'll be sharing time with both of them because they both love him.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. Last Thanksgiving I invited him -- and he attended -- my family's get-together. Of course, I invited him again this year.

However, his rich sister and brother-in-law are treating his family to Thanksgiving dinner at a nice restaurant. I was not invited.

My feelings are hurt, but I'm not sure I'm justified in feeling that way. Should I just get over it since I'm not actually a member of their family? -- UNINVITED IN MISSOURI

DEAR UNINVITED: If you're smart, you'll be gracious about this. While it would have been nice if the sister had included you, you and your boyfriend are not engaged -- and the sister may have wanted the dinner to be "strictly family." As the hostess, that is her privilege.

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DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years. Early on, we struggled to have children and needed reproductive specialists in order to have our two beautiful girls, ages 4 and 8.

During my wife's second pregnancy she had mini-strokes. We were advised against another pregnancy, which surprisingly happened two months ago. Faced with the difficult decision of continuing the pregnancy and risking my wife's health, or ending the life of a child we would never see, know or raise, we chose the latter.

My wife feels I'm not grieving because I'm trying to show little, if any, emotion. I assure you I hurt inside enormously. How can I reassure her of such, while trying to be a "strong man"? And how do we avoid the stigma associated with our choice by those who may have known about the pregnancy? Never has the quote "Don't judge people until you have walked a mile in their shoes" rung so true. -- DAD OF 2 FLOWERS AND ONE ANGEL

DEAR DAD: I'm sorry about your loss, and for the pain you and your wife are experiencing. However, while I appreciate that you are trying to be strong and put on a brave face, that may not be what she needs right now. A grief therapist could help you two reconnect on an emotional level and communicate your feelings more effectively with each other.

As to your worries about "stigma" for ending a pregnancy that put your wife's life at risk, there shouldn't be any. While bringing a new life into the world is wonderful, your wife has a greater responsibility to her two little girls. They need their mother -- as do you.

If anyone has the gall to make a negative comment, her response should be that the pregnancy was terminated because her doctors told her that carrying it to term might have resulted in her death. Anyone who would judge your wife after hearing that isn't worth her time or yours. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: I was at my eye doctor's yesterday, sitting in a small waiting room waiting for my eyes to dilate. There were five of us in there, quietly thumbing through magazines or listening to a TV on a low volume.

A woman in her 20s walked in and joined us. No sooner did she sit down than her cellphone rang. For the next half-hour she proceeded to talk loudly. I was so annoyed and distracted it was all I could do not to grab that phone out of her hand. Other people looked her way, but no one said anything.

There was no sign requesting people to turn off their phones. Abby, what can be done about cellphone rudeness? -- MIFFED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MIFFED: Someone should have gotten up, complained to the office manager that the extended phone call was intrusive and disturbing everyone, and suggested that a sign be posted telling patients that cellphones are to be used only in emergencies.