life

New Mother's Baby Trumps Mother-in-Law's Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are pregnant with our first child. We are beyond excited and can't wait for our little one to get here. Our problem: My mother-in-law is getting married two weeks after our baby is supposed to arrive, and she's expecting all of us to go.

While I'm happy she has found someone she wants to spend her life with, I will not be there and neither will our child. I have told my husband this and explained my concerns, but I will support him if he decides to go since it's his mother.

How can I turn her down in a polite way so it doesn't sound like I'm a horrible daughter-in-law? -- FIRST-TIME MAMA

DEAR FIRST-TIME MAMA: Unless a woman is having a C-section, babies don't always arrive on the expected due date. Sometimes they can be a week late -- or more. If you feel you need time to rest, recuperate and get your child on a regular nursing schedule, tell that to your mother-in-law.

As a new mother you are going to have to quickly learn to prioritize, and your child's well-being and your health must come first. Expect her to be disappointed, but make clear that you love her and wish her a lifetime of happiness, but you will be unable to attend.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Fashion Police Are Overheard Criticizing Woman's Leopard Tights

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for an older woman to wear fancy, colorful tights? My wife is 5 feet tall and weighs 110. She's in good health and works out at the gym regularly. She wears her tights there, or when she's working in the garden or at the market. She dresses conservatively for work and church.

I overheard some of the local ladies say she shouldn't be wearing leopard tights "at her age." I'm afraid my wife will overhear it one of these days and be hurt. What is your opinion? She still looks wonderful to me. -- MARRIED TO A HOTTIE

DEAR MARRIED: As an adult -- and in good shape -- your wife should wear anything that pleases her, including leopard tights if she wishes. It appears the local women are more jealous kitties than ladies. "Nice" ladies don't make catty comments behind someone's back.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Encouragement From Readers Gives Sad Teen A Lift

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 17th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: On Oct. 11 you printed my letter about feeling like an overlooked middle child. In the comments on your website was an outpouring of support and friendly tips. I am happy to say I am now involved in extracurricular activities. I'm much happier, and would like to thank all your readers who took the time to give me so much support. -- FORMERLY NOWHERE IN INDIANA

DEAR FORMERLY NOWHERE: Thank you for letting us know that you're happier and doing better. Dear Abby readers are the most caring and generous people in the world. I'm glad their comments in response to your letter gave you the boost you needed to get through a difficult time.

Work & SchoolMental HealthTeens
life

Underwear Preference Becomes a Wedge Issue in Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 16th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old man in a relationship with a woman who is 42. She says I need to trade in my briefs for boxer shorts because they are outdated and "nobody wears those" anymore. She also told me only 9-year-old boys wear tighty whities and they are a turn-off.

I have always worn fly-front briefs. I don't like boxers because I find them uncomfortable. What can I do to fix this problem? She will not look at it from my perspective. -- LIKES IT BRIEF IN FLORIDA

DEAR LIKES IT BRIEF: Really? If you allow this woman to dictate what kind of underwear you wear now, she'll be wearing the pants during your entire relationship if you stay with her. Tell her once and for all that if wearing boxers is so important to her, she should buy herself a pair.

Love & Dating
life

Brother Questions Sister's Sexuality

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 16th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I think my sister "Gladys" is a lesbian. And I don't know how to approach her to ask.

I think she's a lesbian because at 44 she has never been married. She hasn't even had a boyfriend since 1998. She still lives with our parents and acts like she's daddy's little girl. She does everything with Dad, and Mom usually stays home.

My sister is an RN and has only one friend from the hospital where she works. Of course, that friend is a woman. How can I ask my sister if she prefers women and why she is still alone at her age? -- BIG BROTHER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BIG BROTHER: I would caution you against doing that. If you and your sister were close and she was gay, she would have said something to you by now. Not all women meet the right man, and not all women these days want to be married. It does not mean they are lesbians.

Your sister is gainfully employed, so the fact that she lives with your parents does not mean she's financially exploiting them. That you would call her "daddy's little girl" is pejorative and implies that you're jealous of the relationship she has with your father, which is why I think you should MYOB.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Cold-Sufferer Should Have Skipped Party

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 16th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to an event and sent back an RSVP. Two days before the event, I caught a cold. Because I had already accepted, I decided to go. When I arrived, I saw several people I knew. Each of them tried to hug me, but I told them I had a cold and thought it best not to get too close. All but one recoiled and turned away from me.

I sat at a separate table so as not to infect anyone. Although I thought I had done the right thing, I felt like I was being treated like a leper. Should I have stayed home, mentioned my cold or just behaved like "business as usual"? -- "TYPHOID TINA" IN FLORIDA

DEAR "TYPHOID TINA": When you realized that you had come down with a cold and might be contagious, you should have immediately contacted your host, declined the invitation and explained that you didn't want to risk spreading it. That's the considerate way to handle it, and it would have been appreciated.

Health & SafetyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Skipping Out on an Education May Be Costly in the Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 15th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school and will graduate in the first semester of my senior year. Someday I would like to be a stay-at-home mom. I have no interest in going to college. I feel it would be a waste of money for me to go when I don't intend to use my degree.

To say my parents are disappointed in me over this is putting it mildly. They have a life planned for me that includes college. I would also like to move away to somewhere where it's warm year-round, and they don't like that idea either.

How do I make them understand that this is my life and everything will be OK? -- UNINTERESTED IN IDAHO

DEAR UNINTERESTED: I'll paraphrase an old proverb: "When man makes plans, God laughs." What it means in your case is that a smart cookie stays flexible.

Let's say, for instance, that you get the life you fantasize about: You marry a man who adores you, doesn't mind that you have only a high school degree and is wealthy enough to support you. You have two or three beautiful children together and things are going great.

But what if, heaven forbid, he becomes seriously ill and can't work -- or worse, drops dead, leaving you the sole support of those kids? It has been known to happen. (And then, of course, there's also the possibility of divorce, which has been known to happen, too.)

Be smart. Listen to your parents, and arm yourself with the best education you can possibly attain because the reality is, one day you may need to use it.

TeensWork & School
life

Elaborate Invitations Put Girl On The Spot

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 15th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: The school year has started and many high school girls like me are faced with a similar problem: how to politely decline when a boy asks you to a dance.

Whether it be homecoming, winter formal or prom, some boys go all out and ask girls in elaborate and creative ways. I don't know what to do in these situations if I don't want to go with the boy who is asking me. I feel bad saying "no" because of all the work they put into it, and also sometimes there is an audience watching. Should I just go anyway? -- SARATOGA TEEN

DEAR SARATOGA TEEN: If "many" girls share your problem, it's news to me. Most of the ones I hear from worry that they won't be asked.

If the young man has made a production out of inviting you, say thank you and that you're flattered, but you'll have to think about it and will get back to him later. When you refuse the invitation, it should be done privately so you won't embarrass the boy.

P.S. That said, keep this in mind -- sometimes, a girl ends up having a good time with the person she least expected to.

Love & DatingEtiquette & EthicsTeens
life

Showing Sympathy Doesn't Require Prayer

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | November 15th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I frequently receive requests via Facebook and other social media sites asking for prayers for people who are ill or suffering a loss. I'm not a religious person, but I would like to acknowledge their pain and extend my sympathy. Any suggestions? -- CHALLENGED IN TUCSON

DEAR CHALLENGED: That you are not a religious person doesn't mean that you're not a caring and sensitive one. When you receive news that someone you know is going through a rough patch, respond by saying you are sorry for his or her pain, and that he or she is in your thoughts.

Etiquette & EthicsDeath

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