DEAR ABBY: May I have some advice about a touchy subject? One of my boyfriend's close friends is going through his third bout with cancer and the prognosis is not good. He is married with a healthy 3-year-old son. So imagine our surprise when his wife announced she's pregnant.

This is a decision we do not support. I don't know what they're thinking, but if you are facing the reality that your spouse will not be around much longer, we don't feel it is wise to bring another child into the world who will never know his or her father.

Some of her close friends want to throw her a "sprinkle," and although I am only an acquaintance, I have been invited. How do I handle this? Should I attend and keep my thoughts to myself, decline and/or send a small gift in my absence? I have a hard time making small talk about subjects I don't agree with.

Did I mention she does nothing but complain about how hard her life is now? I'm afraid if I go and get involved, I'll be on the hook down the road when she wants to complain about how hard it is to raise two children alone. -- ISN'T MY CHOICE

DEAR ISN'T: Feeling as you do, decline the invitation. This woman needs friends around her during this painful and traumatic time, and you do not qualify. To send a small gift would be both thoughtful and kind, because I am sure her life is extremely difficult now.

As to this couple having made a decision with which you do not agree, allow me to point out that not all pregnancies are planned, and this may be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My folks are in their mid-70s and have health problems. My oldest niece, "Riley," will graduate from high school next spring and is considering going to a college near them. My parents recently told me that my brother is suggesting Riley move in with them.

The girl has some behavioral issues and is in counseling. She's not an easy, happy or normal kid. My parents are extremely uncomfortable with the idea, but have not said anything to my brother. I think they are afraid of a fight or causing hurt feelings. He is in denial about his daughter's problems.

I'm concerned about my parents. At their age, I don't think it's fair to expect them to have another teenager in their home, much less one with issues. Is it my place to say something, and if so, what do I say? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MOM AND DAD

DEAR LOOKING OUT: You should definitely say something, but not to your brother. Talk with your parents. Remind them that if they're not OK with the arrangement your brother has proposed, it's their responsibility to make plain that because of their ages and their health problems they'll be unable to accommodate his request. Because it's the truth, it shouldn't cause an argument or hurt feelings. Also, your brother will have plenty of advance notice that other living arrangements will have to be made for Riley.

DEAR ABBY: I am an educated, single woman in my 30s. I'd love to be a mom one day, but because I have fertility/ovulation issues, I'll need treatments in order to conceive. I'm scared that by the time I find a husband, I may be too old.

For the last few months I have been dating a great guy, "Scott." He says he's willing to help me have a child. However, when marriage was mentioned, Scott said he won't be ready to settle down for a few more years. I understand, because he's not yet financially stable. I don't mind waiting to marry him, but I can't wait that long to have children.

My friends say I scream "desperation," but most of them are also in their 30s, married and aggressively seeking fertility treatments. Should I wait for the unknown or take a leap of faith? -- WEIGHING MY OPTIONS IN HOUSTON

DEAR WEIGHING: No one can answer that for you. But while you're pondering, let me weigh in: Before "leaping," you should be fully aware that Scott -- as nice as he may be -- may not be husband material. The baby could be in college before he's ready to settle down, so the responsibility of raising your child may be solely yours.

I assume that as an educated woman you have a good job, but it's important you discuss this with an attorney, so Scott's financial responsibility to his child will be spelled out beforehand. Children and child care are expensive. If something unforeseen were to happen to you or the child -- an accident, a physical or mental illness or disability -- the costs could skyrocket.

Also, if you're a regular reader, you may have noticed that more than a few women say that because they have a child, men shy away, which could negatively affect your chances of marrying in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have married children. When it comes to holiday meals, we have a problem. For instance, our youngest daughter was the first to ask us for Thanksgiving dinner. I gave no answer at the time. That same day, one of our sons asked. Another son asked a day later. I told them all I'd let them know.

Well, the day after that, our oldest daughter called and invited us. We have been to all the kids' homes for holiday dinners except our oldest daughter's. Because we had never been there for a holiday, we accepted her invitation. Now our youngest daughter, who asked us first, is upset. She choked up on the phone when I told her we were going to her sister's. How do we make all our children happy? What should we have done? -- HOLIDAY DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: The way you handled it was not only insensitive, but also rude. Because your youngest daughter was the first to invite you, you should have either accepted her invitation or declined -- not strung her along and kept her hanging. I don't blame her for feeling hurt because it now appears you favor her older sister.

From now on, work out a plan in which you rotate holiday dinners among your children and there will be fewer hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and my mom won't let me dye my hair! Earlier this year she finally let me color it red, which I have wanted for years. I went blond for my sister's wedding, but I'm naturally blond and I don't like it because it's boring. A ton of people compliment me on my hair, but I don't care what people think, I just want to be me and not anyone else.

So, my mom is being too controlling. She says I have to stay blond until I can pay for it myself, and I don't have a job. My parents are very strict and I would never be allowed to get a tattoo, but I want my red hair back. How do I go about convincing her that no matter how much people love the blond, I don't like it and I want a change? -- NATURAL BLONDE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NATURAL BLONDE: When a person changes hair color more than twice in one year, it can seriously damage the hair. Also, red is the hardest color to keep up because it tends to oxidize and turn "brassy." (I am speaking from experience.) It can also be expensive.

If you want to "go red" once you're working and can afford it, you can make your own decision. But in the meantime, listen to your mother -- she's looking out for your interests.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 20s and finishing up two degrees at university. I am an only child, and my mother is one of the youngest among 10 siblings, so I have many cousins.

I have always been the "good one," the one who is responsible, not addicted to drugs and who has a promising future. Because of this, my childless aunts and uncles and those with irresponsible children have looked to me for moral support and guidance during their golden years. Many of them are now in their 60s.

Abby, I already have to take care of my parents as they grow older. This stress as an only child and the "responsible cousin" weighs heavily on me. What would you advise? -- THE GOOD ONE

DEAR GOOD ONE: Recognize what your limitations are and pace yourself accordingly. As you start your professional life and, eventually, your own family, it's important that you not allow yourself to be spread so thin you make yourself sick.

Your first responsibility must be to yourself, your immediate family and your parents. If looking out for your aunts and uncles becomes more time- and energy-consuming than you can handle, consider enlisting the help of a social worker.

DEAR ABBY: During meals, my girlfriend uses her fingers to push the food on her plate onto her fork. She does it not only when we're at home -- just the two of us -- but also out in public at restaurants. This can't be proper manners, can it? How can I get her to stop without upsetting her? Or am I better off not bringing up the subject? -- UNCERTAIN IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: What your girlfriend is doing is considered poor table manners. Because she's having trouble maneuvering her food onto her fork, suggest to her that she should do what some Europeans do -- push it onto the fork using the blade of her knife.