DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend gave us a very generous gift for our toddler. However, it arrived with the news that the baby he and his girlfriend are expecting may have serious complications, which could result in termination of the pregnancy. Abby, I am also expecting.

I know I should send them a thank-you note, but I don't want to sound overly cheerful when someone is obviously suffering. Is there a way to appropriately express our thanks in writing while still being sensitive? I want to show my concern without overstepping my boundaries. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST: My advice is to stay on message. Thank the man for his generous gift and say how much it is appreciated. If you wish to express concern for the difficult time they are going through, do so without going into detail. It's sufficient to say that he and his girlfriend are in your thoughts and prayers. Make no reference to your own pregnancy because in this communication it's not relevant.

DEAR ABBY: I work with the public and make small talk all day long. At the end of a busy day, I like to go to a neighborhood restaurant by myself for a quiet dinner. My problem is the owner, "Giovanni." He's a very nice man, and he'll sit down at my table to chat, often for the entire meal. To complicate matters, he speaks limited English and conversation with him is a chore.

I can't think of a polite way to ask that I be left alone without hurting his feelings and making future visits awkward. Any suggestions? -- HUNGRY AND TIRED IN THE EAST

DEAR H AND T: A polite way to do it would be to say, "Giovanni, I like you very much. But I have had a hard day. All I want to do is sit down, eat my food and stare into space. Please understand." Unless he is very new to the hospitality business, he should regard that as his cue to back off.

DEAR ABBY: I live with my parents and when my mom does laundry, she always asks me if I want to throw any of my clothes in with hers and vice versa. The problem is, when the cycle is finished, she throws everything into the dryer -- even items that will shrink or wrinkle. I've asked her not to do it, but she persists.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "Do your own laundry." I have tried. But if Mom hears the wash finish before I do, she goes out and chucks everything into the dryer. Last week she shrank half my socks.

I can't think of a solution aside from doing my laundry when she is out of the house, which would be difficult because she's retired. I'm starting to get frustrated. Any ideas? -- FRUSTRATED IN COLUMBUS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If your mother is also forgetting other things, it's possible she may be in the early stages of dementia. However, if that's not the case, then your solution is practical -- or consider taking your things to a laundromat. It would be less expensive than constantly having to buy new socks.

DEAR ABBY: We have a neighbor who "decorates" his yard for Halloween in the worst way imaginable. Every year it becomes more macabre. He has "bodies" hanging from tree limbs, gravestones with RIP on dirt mounds and other unbelievable atrocities. He thinks it's funny. It is despicable and it scares the children who must walk past his yard.

When we ask him not to put such deplorable items in our neighborhood, he doesn't take it seriously. I'm thinking about taking up a collection and bribing him not to put his growing, vulgar display up this year. What can we do? -- SPOOKED IN TOPEKA

DEAR SPOOKED: What you're describing is a feature of Halloween that many children enjoy. However, you can't "protect" your children forever. When they're old enough to understand, explain to them that this is all done in the spirit of fun, and it's not real or dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I were 18, we decided to have each other's initials tattooed on our ring fingers. His tattoo included the initial that one day became my last name. It's been 10 years and our marriage is still solid and beautiful.

I have worked hard at a nursing career, but I feel self-conscious about my tattoo, although I now wear rings as well. I still like my tattoo, but I don't want people judging me because of it. My husband says I'll only hurt myself if I remove something I love having. Do I express my love the way I wish or succumb to nasty stares from patients? -- INKED FOR LOVE

DEAR INKED FOR LOVE: I agree with your husband. You are entitled to express your love any way you wish. Many professional people sport tattoos that are far more flamboyant than the one you have. If you catch a patient staring, smile and share the story behind it. I think it is sweet and rather charming.

DEAR ABBY: I am friends with two women who dislike each other. Neither one has family, so I usually invite them over for holiday dinners. Over the past 10 years they have tolerated each other and been cordial. But this summer they had a big row, and the divide is even wider.

I love them both, but how do I now handle Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, knowing how they feel about each other? Should I extend the usual invitation and hope for the best? Or should I not invite either of them to avoid the possible conflict?

I will not take sides. I think both of them are being petty and childish, but I also don't know what to do. My family is quite large, and these two have always blended in nicely. -- IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Because you feel that having them together in the same room would cause tension for you, my advice is to have them over on alternate holidays.

DEAR ABBY: A wonderful man, "Frank," said he was interested in developing a relationship. The problem? He is a super neat freak. A person could live in his garage -- it's that clean. The floor is spotless and everything is in its place. Frank washes and shines his car every second day. When there is a delivery to his house, he makes the delivery people remove their shoes before entering.

I'm neat, but not to that extreme. When I'm at Frank's house, I am on pins and needles if I leave a glass on a table that might leave a ring and terrified I'll drop something on his carpet. Frank has never said anything, but I wonder what he's thinking.

I like Frank a lot, but when he comes to my apartment, I notice his 360-degree gaze around the rooms. Another possible problem -- he has no interest in culture or the arts. Am I right in seeing more minuses than pluses in such a relationship? -- NEAT ENOUGH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEAT ENOUGH: If what you want from the relationship is just friendship, I don't see a problem. However, if you're looking for more than that, then I'm afraid my answer is yes -- to which I'll add one more "minus": your inability to discuss your misgivings with him.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I went to the funeral of a family member. As we were leaving the chapel, a relative asked me if I was aware that the funeral had been live streamed. I was appalled. After all, going to a funeral allows us a chance to say goodbye to the deceased and to be there to support the surviving family and friends. I don't believe that live streaming can accomplish either of those missions. Am I wrong to think that this was really inappropriate? -- BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: You may be passing judgment too quickly. These days many funerals and memorials are live streamed, but are not available to the general public. To view them, one needs an access code.

While I agree that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort the living (as well as pay respects to the deceased), what you haven't taken into account is that there may be individuals who may be unable to attend. It could be that the airfare is more than some relatives can afford, or that health problems make travel difficult. In some cases, streaming the service or memorial is a practical solution so that everyone can be included.

DEAR ABBY: A new family moved down the street. They have two young kids who take the bus with my son. What is annoying to me is their daughters are always late for the bus, which makes the bus late to school. Should I say something or let it go? In all the years my son has taken the bus, this is the first time this has happened. Thanks for the advice. -- LATE FOR SCHOOL IN OHIO

DEAR LATE: Talk to your son's teacher, because his tardiness to class could reflect poorly on his grades. The teacher -- or school principal -- might send a note to the parents "reminding" them that children must be in their classrooms by a certain time, that the bus schedule is fixed and cannot be adjusted to accommodate each student, and if it continues to happen, the driver will have to leave without their daughters.