life

Cleanliness That's Nearly Godly May Set Bar Too High

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A wonderful man, "Frank," said he was interested in developing a relationship. The problem? He is a super neat freak. A person could live in his garage -- it's that clean. The floor is spotless and everything is in its place. Frank washes and shines his car every second day. When there is a delivery to his house, he makes the delivery people remove their shoes before entering.

I'm neat, but not to that extreme. When I'm at Frank's house, I am on pins and needles if I leave a glass on a table that might leave a ring and terrified I'll drop something on his carpet. Frank has never said anything, but I wonder what he's thinking.

I like Frank a lot, but when he comes to my apartment, I notice his 360-degree gaze around the rooms. Another possible problem -- he has no interest in culture or the arts. Am I right in seeing more minuses than pluses in such a relationship? -- NEAT ENOUGH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NEAT ENOUGH: If what you want from the relationship is just friendship, I don't see a problem. However, if you're looking for more than that, then I'm afraid my answer is yes -- to which I'll add one more "minus": your inability to discuss your misgivings with him.

Love & Dating
life

Mourner Is Shocked To Learn Funeral Was Streamed Online

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I went to the funeral of a family member. As we were leaving the chapel, a relative asked me if I was aware that the funeral had been live streamed. I was appalled. After all, going to a funeral allows us a chance to say goodbye to the deceased and to be there to support the surviving family and friends. I don't believe that live streaming can accomplish either of those missions. Am I wrong to think that this was really inappropriate? -- BAFFLED IN BOSTON

DEAR BAFFLED: You may be passing judgment too quickly. These days many funerals and memorials are live streamed, but are not available to the general public. To view them, one needs an access code.

While I agree that the purpose of a funeral is to comfort the living (as well as pay respects to the deceased), what you haven't taken into account is that there may be individuals who may be unable to attend. It could be that the airfare is more than some relatives can afford, or that health problems make travel difficult. In some cases, streaming the service or memorial is a practical solution so that everyone can be included.

Death
life

Parents Need Lesson In Getting Daughters To School Bus On Time

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 26th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A new family moved down the street. They have two young kids who take the bus with my son. What is annoying to me is their daughters are always late for the bus, which makes the bus late to school. Should I say something or let it go? In all the years my son has taken the bus, this is the first time this has happened. Thanks for the advice. -- LATE FOR SCHOOL IN OHIO

DEAR LATE: Talk to your son's teacher, because his tardiness to class could reflect poorly on his grades. The teacher -- or school principal -- might send a note to the parents "reminding" them that children must be in their classrooms by a certain time, that the bus schedule is fixed and cannot be adjusted to accommodate each student, and if it continues to happen, the driver will have to leave without their daughters.

Family & ParentingWork & SchoolFriends & Neighbors
life

Occasional Hookups Keep Flame Alive for 10 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Justin" for 10 years. I'm very interested in him. I'm sure he knows it, but we have never talked about it. Once in a blue moon we "hook up," and I'm usually the one to set the date up.

We're friends on social media, but weeks -- even months -- can pass without our speaking to each other. Justin and I have no mutual friends, so I can't "accidentally" bump into him at gatherings or anything like that.

I honestly don't mind hooking up with him because he's the only one I do that with. But it does hurt when I don't hear from him afterward. What should I do? It's obvious I'm head over heels for him -- he can't be that blind! -- PLAIN JANE IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR JANE: If Justin was interested in more than an occasional hookup, he'd be the one calling you, and it wouldn't be once in a blue moon. Ten years is long enough to chase an emotionally unavailable man. If this was meant to be, it would have already happened, and you'd be more than friends on social media.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Friends Drift Apart As Lives Take Different Directions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'll be 30 soon. My friends and I have drifted apart because we're all in different stages of our lives. Some of us still frequent the bar scene, others have gotten married or dropped off the radar. My closest friend is so wrapped up in "mommy blogs" and all things "baby" that she's no longer able to discuss much else.

I don't have children, and I'm tired of going to bars. I'm in a happy, committed relationship, but neither of us wants to focus on marriage for a few years. How do people connect with others at this stage of the game? -- FRIENDLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FRIENDLESS: One way is to expand your interests. You and your boyfriend should join groups and meet people with whom you'll have some things in common. If you're interested in politics, the next two years should give you plenty of opportunity to meet new people. Volunteering is another way to expand your circle of acquaintances. While you won't make dear friends overnight -- friendships usually take a while to grow -- the more people you meet, the greater your chances will be of developing meaningful relationships.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Tmi: College Student Is Too Eager To Announce Virginity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student who is a virgin. I think this is the time to date people and get a better understanding of who I am and what I like in men. When I tell guys I'm a virgin, they don't want to talk to me anymore. When is the best time to bring it up, and how do I do that in conversation? -- DIAMOND IN THE EAST

DEAR DIAMOND: You may be jumping the gun and announcing your status prematurely. The subject of one's virginity -- or lack thereof -- is relevant at the time when there's a reason to anticipate there will be intimacy in a couple's relationship.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

Pesky Peacocks Are Featured in Invitation to Dinner Party

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A former colleague recently moved nearby and sent us an invitation to dinner at her new residence. She lives in an area that's populated by wild peacocks, which she knew before she moved there.

A condition of her invitation is that we (my spouse and I) agree to use a type of high-powered water gun to shoot at the peacocks from her balcony while we are visiting. I understand that these birds can be messy (I assume from their droppings). However, we find conditioning the visit upon our willingness to shoot water at the birds disconcerting.

Because we find this activity distasteful, should we decline and state why, or accept but make clear that we won't participate in the fowl-watering activity? How does one handle this tactfully? -- NO FOWL PLAY IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO FOWL PLAY: Because your former colleague invited you with the expressed understanding her guests will be expected to "fowl-water," which would make you uncomfortable, politely decline the invitation. If you feel you must pass judgment on shooting at the peacocks, all you need to say is you prefer not to shoot at any creature that can't defend itself.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Middle-Aged Housewife Reflects On Husband's Negativity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years and have no children. Now in my mid-50s, I realize what a negative force my husband has been in my life.

I was not allowed to have children, and over the years I have lost all family and most friends because he didn't like anyone. He constantly badmouths the town we live in -- it's my hometown -- and any interests I have. He hasn't worked in 10 years since closing his business.

I wake up every morning with the thought of just trying to make it through one more day. I am a shell of the person I once was, and don't know where to turn. Please help. -- NAMELESS IN THE USA

DEAR NAMELESS: Get out of the house and out of isolation. Volunteering in your community will give you an escape from your husband's negativity and an opportunity to meet others who are involved in positive activities. He won't like it, but do it anyway. If you do, it will save your sanity.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Captive Audience At Wedding Reception Is Treated To Insurance Sales Pitch

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At a wedding reception I attended recently, the mother of the bride gave a sales pitch for her insurance company. She concluded with the statement that she would now be able to write this off on her taxes.

Was this legitimate? She had numerous clients there, as well as prospective ones, and gifts with corporate logos for them stashed in the bathroom. -- TAKEN ABACK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Talk about a "marriage of convenience." How unbelievably tacky! Actually, my tax experts tell me that she's not entitled to write the reception off because the predominant motive of the occasion was not business. Let's hope the IRS doesn't get wind of it.

Etiquette & EthicsMoneyHolidays & Celebrations

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