life

Occasional Hookups Keep Flame Alive for 10 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Justin" for 10 years. I'm very interested in him. I'm sure he knows it, but we have never talked about it. Once in a blue moon we "hook up," and I'm usually the one to set the date up.

We're friends on social media, but weeks -- even months -- can pass without our speaking to each other. Justin and I have no mutual friends, so I can't "accidentally" bump into him at gatherings or anything like that.

I honestly don't mind hooking up with him because he's the only one I do that with. But it does hurt when I don't hear from him afterward. What should I do? It's obvious I'm head over heels for him -- he can't be that blind! -- PLAIN JANE IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR JANE: If Justin was interested in more than an occasional hookup, he'd be the one calling you, and it wouldn't be once in a blue moon. Ten years is long enough to chase an emotionally unavailable man. If this was meant to be, it would have already happened, and you'd be more than friends on social media.

Love & DatingSex & Gender
life

Friends Drift Apart As Lives Take Different Directions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'll be 30 soon. My friends and I have drifted apart because we're all in different stages of our lives. Some of us still frequent the bar scene, others have gotten married or dropped off the radar. My closest friend is so wrapped up in "mommy blogs" and all things "baby" that she's no longer able to discuss much else.

I don't have children, and I'm tired of going to bars. I'm in a happy, committed relationship, but neither of us wants to focus on marriage for a few years. How do people connect with others at this stage of the game? -- FRIENDLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FRIENDLESS: One way is to expand your interests. You and your boyfriend should join groups and meet people with whom you'll have some things in common. If you're interested in politics, the next two years should give you plenty of opportunity to meet new people. Volunteering is another way to expand your circle of acquaintances. While you won't make dear friends overnight -- friendships usually take a while to grow -- the more people you meet, the greater your chances will be of developing meaningful relationships.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Tmi: College Student Is Too Eager To Announce Virginity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student who is a virgin. I think this is the time to date people and get a better understanding of who I am and what I like in men. When I tell guys I'm a virgin, they don't want to talk to me anymore. When is the best time to bring it up, and how do I do that in conversation? -- DIAMOND IN THE EAST

DEAR DIAMOND: You may be jumping the gun and announcing your status prematurely. The subject of one's virginity -- or lack thereof -- is relevant at the time when there's a reason to anticipate there will be intimacy in a couple's relationship.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Pesky Peacocks Are Featured in Invitation to Dinner Party

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A former colleague recently moved nearby and sent us an invitation to dinner at her new residence. She lives in an area that's populated by wild peacocks, which she knew before she moved there.

A condition of her invitation is that we (my spouse and I) agree to use a type of high-powered water gun to shoot at the peacocks from her balcony while we are visiting. I understand that these birds can be messy (I assume from their droppings). However, we find conditioning the visit upon our willingness to shoot water at the birds disconcerting.

Because we find this activity distasteful, should we decline and state why, or accept but make clear that we won't participate in the fowl-watering activity? How does one handle this tactfully? -- NO FOWL PLAY IN FLORIDA

DEAR NO FOWL PLAY: Because your former colleague invited you with the expressed understanding her guests will be expected to "fowl-water," which would make you uncomfortable, politely decline the invitation. If you feel you must pass judgment on shooting at the peacocks, all you need to say is you prefer not to shoot at any creature that can't defend itself.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Middle-Aged Housewife Reflects On Husband's Negativity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years and have no children. Now in my mid-50s, I realize what a negative force my husband has been in my life.

I was not allowed to have children, and over the years I have lost all family and most friends because he didn't like anyone. He constantly badmouths the town we live in -- it's my hometown -- and any interests I have. He hasn't worked in 10 years since closing his business.

I wake up every morning with the thought of just trying to make it through one more day. I am a shell of the person I once was, and don't know where to turn. Please help. -- NAMELESS IN THE USA

DEAR NAMELESS: Get out of the house and out of isolation. Volunteering in your community will give you an escape from your husband's negativity and an opportunity to meet others who are involved in positive activities. He won't like it, but do it anyway. If you do, it will save your sanity.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Captive Audience At Wedding Reception Is Treated To Insurance Sales Pitch

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: At a wedding reception I attended recently, the mother of the bride gave a sales pitch for her insurance company. She concluded with the statement that she would now be able to write this off on her taxes.

Was this legitimate? She had numerous clients there, as well as prospective ones, and gifts with corporate logos for them stashed in the bathroom. -- TAKEN ABACK IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: Talk about a "marriage of convenience." How unbelievably tacky! Actually, my tax experts tell me that she's not entitled to write the reception off because the predominant motive of the occasion was not business. Let's hope the IRS doesn't get wind of it.

MoneyEtiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Search for Husband Stumbles Over Scars on Woman's Legs

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old woman from the Philippines. I have been insecure all my life. I know I have a pretty face, but I have a lot of scars on my legs from childhood. Because of this I am depressed, unhappy and insecure. I never wear shorts, skirts or dresses that show my legs.

Do you think there is some guy somewhere who will love me despite my scars? I'm well aware that guys like sexy ladies with flawless skin. I hate the way my legs look, and I doubt I will ever find a husband. Please help me. -- INSECURE LADY

DEAR INSECURE: Please quit putting yourself down. Sometimes we women can be our most severe critics. If you stop looking for reasons men won't like you and start concentrating on why they will, you may have better luck.

Men like women who are fun to be around, who are kind, intelligent, honest and who don't play games. A man who would reject you because of scars on your legs isn't a person you need for a lasting, meaningful relationship.

Love & DatingMental Health
life

Puppy Would Ease Pain Of Dog's Loss

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My dog got my neighbor's dog pregnant, and my neighbor kept it secret so she can sell the pups and keep all the money. I know this because her son told me so.

My dog died this week and I really want one of the puppies. I can't afford to buy one at $300. Does the family of the father of the pups have any rights? -- MISSING MY DOGGIE

DEAR MISSING YOUR DOGGIE: Pets are supposed to be spayed or neutered to prevent this sort of thing from happening. I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. If the pregnancy was unplanned, the owner of the female is not obligated to provide a puppy or compensation to the owner of the male. Perhaps out of compassion your neighbor will relent and give one to you.

Friends & NeighborsMoney
life

Wife Has Been Missing Kissing For 15 Years Of Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for more than 15 years to a man who refuses to kiss me. We kissed briefly on our wedding day (long enough to take a photo) and have not done so since then.

This past New Year's Eve instead of the traditional kiss on the lips, he gave me a kiss on the head and a peck, akin to what you'd see between close friends. He says the human mouth has many germs in it.

Abby, I dream of being kissed. I know the possibility of it happening during my marriage is close to nil. What can I do? I am well-groomed and practice good oral hygiene. -- DOING WITHOUT SOMETHING NICE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DOING WITHOUT: It has been 15 years since you have been kissed and you're writing me about it only now? Was your courtship this way, too?

Relationships wither without affection. Your husband appears to either be germ phobic or passive aggressive. Unless he is willing to talk to a counselor about it, nothing will change. I hope he'll do it before you meet someone else under the mistletoe or at the stroke of midnight.

Marriage & Divorce

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