DEAR ABBY: I have a serious problem that's consuming my life. I know people say you never really get over your first love, but I don't know why after six years I still think about my ex on a daily basis.

Abby, I am happily married. My husband is the perfect man for me -- understanding, sweet and patient. My ex, "Chad," cheated on me with other women and recently married the one who effectively ended our relationship.

I thought I had moved on, but I can't seem to stop thinking about him. My ex and I had a strong chemistry -- not just a physical one -- that my husband and I don't. Somehow I wonder if, while my husband is the man of my dreams, Chad was my true soul mate.

I don't want to jeopardize my marriage because of a lurking shadow from my past. How do I get over this and move on? -- DESPERATE FOR ADVICE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DESPERATE: Old habits are hard to break, and sometimes memories do linger to the point of being intrusive. While it can be frustrating, this is not an indication that someone who cheated on you multiple times was your "soul mate." If you had been meant to be together forever, you would still be together. Consider yourself lucky that another woman freed you from that unhealthy relationship so you could find the man you married.

What you may miss is tension, drama, uncertainty and pain, and that's not love. The sooner you quit idealizing your ex, the more clearly you will recognize this. And if the unwanted thoughts persist, consult a therapist because your problem is not unique.

DEAR ABBY: While I was growing up, my parents taught me and my siblings to always keep a year's salary (pre-taxes) in a savings account that one never touches.

The problem is my bride and I feel that we're ready to buy a home, although we don't have enough in our joint savings to make a down payment. She feels I should use my savings to make the down payment.

I don't feel right about it because this savings technique has saved me twice in my life. Once when I was a child and my parents lost their jobs, and again when I lost my job in the recession. Am I selfish for wanting to keep my savings off limits? -- MR. SAVINGS

DEAR MR. SAVINGS: No. I happen to agree with your fiscally conservative philosophy. You learned from experience how important an emergency fund can be. Because buying a home is not an emergency, wait until you and your wife have saved enough for the down payment. Also, because the money in that savings account was yours before marriage, it may not be a joint asset, and it could save you a third time if you don't spend it.

DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, age 18, has recently begun to send her father text messages while we are in the same room, rather than speak to him. It's as if she doesn't want me in on the conversation. I find her behavior rude.

If they need to speak privately, so be it -- she can wait until I'm out of the room or request to speak to him elsewhere. But I find it impolite of her to send him texts. They are nothing confidential in nature, just general conversation.

What are your thoughts on this? -- BYSTANDER IN NEW YORK

DEAR BYSTANDER: What your stepdaughter is doing is as rude as when two people whisper to each other in front of a third person. My thought is that your husband, out of consideration for your feelings, should either tell her -- or text her -- to cut it out.

DEAR ABBY: I think I have an abuse problem. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and already I feel like he is fed up with me. I don't want to lose him.

When I was younger, my father used to abuse me. It was years ago, but I feel like I might have gotten that trait from him. In addition, I have a tendency to smack my boyfriend on the arm when he's verbally abusing me. I just want it to stop.

I love this man and I feel terrible after I do it. I keep telling him I'm sorry and that I have the worst tendency to act on impulse. Please tell me how to stop because I cannot lose him. Any suggestions? -- SORRY IN KANSAS CITY, MO.

DEAR SORRY: If you want your relationship to improve, you must realize it will take effort not only on your part but also your boyfriend's. Neither of you handles anger or frustration appropriately. He shouldn't verbally abuse you if something bothers him. And you need to find other ways than hitting him to make him stop.

Couples counseling could help you communicate more effectively with each other. Many licensed mental health professionals offer it. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: Our 5-year-old daughter, "Maya," was diagnosed with a severe peanut and tree nut allergy before she was 2. My parents have completely overhauled their house and have gone nut-free. My husband's parents, on the other hand, refuse to cooperate with Maya's diet restrictions when she visits.

I have tried talking to them, which in turn upsets my husband. He keeps making excuses for them, even though he demanded the school become nut-free to accommodate her.

We were scheduled to go to their house for an early Thanksgiving when they revealed that the house still wasn't safe for Maya to come to. My husband's solution was to go there for the weekend and leave us behind.

How can I get my in-laws to understand, and my husband to stand up for his daughter and me? -- LOOKING OUT FOR MAYA

DEAR LOOKING OUT FOR MAYA: You can't. Your husband is still under his parents' thumb. While he may love his parents, his first responsibility is to you and his children. Until he finds his backbone and realizes that, he will remain at his parents' beck and call. I'm glad you're looking out for your daughter because her father doesn't appear to be emotionally equipped to do it.

DEAR ABBY: I can no longer go to funeral visitations. I have buried my parents, two sisters, four brothers and nine nieces and nephews. The number of loved ones I have lost, and the visitations and funerals I have had to attend, have been overwhelming. I can't face it anymore.

How do you suggest I avoid them? I am running out of excuses, and I'm tired of being a no-show. -- HATES FUNERALS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HATES FUNERALS: People deal with loss in different ways, and you don't have to apologize for feeling the way you do. Stop making excuses and start telling the truth.

When you are notified about a death, offer your condolences, a donation, flowers, and explain that after 17 deaths in your family, you no longer attend funerals because it has become too much for you. That way, no one will think you don't care or wonder why you didn't show up.

DEAR ABBY: After 10 years of marriage, my now ex-husband told me he is transgender. He isn't taking hormones, but he makes no attempt to hide his feminine dressing, makeup and wigs from our 6- and 9-year-old sons. They understand little of their dad's new life, other than that their dad likes "girl stuff." They often tell me they are embarrassed being with their dad in public when he has his nails painted or is wearing female clothing.

I have tried talking to my ex about this, but he becomes resentful when I bring it up. He feels he can do whatever he wants regardless of how he embarrasses our sons. Do you think I could take him to court to have an order put in place that he not dress like that when he has our children? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: You could discuss it with your divorce lawyer, but I don't think it would work. It would be much better if you asked your ex to explain to his boys the reason he's dressing in female attire so they can understand it. Your husband is not going to change, so they are going to have to interact with him until they are quite a bit older.

DEAR ABBY: Our nephew, whom we raised, has offered my husband and me a lovely home to live in during our "senior years." We are both in our 70s, live on Social Security, and I am physically unable to do much of anything, so our nephew has also offered us a weekly gardener and a house cleaner twice a month.

Abby, how are we ever going to be able to repay his generosity? My children are not in a position to offer us much help, but they plan to be around and help with additions to the house, painting and things like that. How can I repay them for the labor they're going to expend? I'm so grateful to all of them and feel helpless to let them know how I feel. -- SO GRATEFUL IN ROMNEY, W.VA.

DEAR SO GRATEFUL: You have obviously been a wonderful parent to your children and the nephew you raised like a son. Now it's time for them to repay you, so please relax and accept it. Because you want to give them something, consider assembling family albums for each of them or a cookbook containing some of your special recipes. I am sure that receiving such treasures along with your thanks and your love will be compensation enough.

DEAR ABBY: I have an 11-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with severe ADHD and anxiety at the age of 7. She is receiving treatment for her condition.

My problem is, I don't know how to cope with her and her condition. I get impatient and frustrated when I have to continually repeat myself because she's not doing what she has to do. I'm afraid I may have hurt her by lashing out at her in anger, and I catch myself yelling and screaming more than hugging and praising. I need to find help and resources to educate me and provide support for this very real condition. -- IN ADHD TURMOIL

DEAR IN TURMOIL: A place to start would be to discuss your concerns with the doctor or therapist who has been treating your daughter. Your feelings are not unusual, and he or she may be able to direct you to a parent support group in your area.

If that's not possible, go online and search "support groups for parents of children with ADHD." You will find many pages of resources -- so many that it's not possible to list all of them here.