DEAR ABBY: About two years ago, a close female friend, "Carla," had her first child. The biological father is from another country. When she told him she was pregnant, he refused to have anything to do with the child, so I decided to take over the role as a father.

I have been with Carla and my son since she found out about the pregnancy. When she was in her last trimester, we decided to give a shot to the relationship and become a couple. Everything was great. She had our child. When he was born, I really became a father. But after two years, everything didn't go as we planned and we broke up.

Now Carla says I'm not the father, and she won't give my son my last name. I don't know what to do. I really want him to be known as my son, but without my last name, everyone sees me only as the guy who is raising another guy's son.

The breakup took a huge toll on me. During our last fight, she said I should forget about being the father and accept that I'm only the godfather. Please tell me what I can do. -- SAD DAD IN EL SALVADOR

DEAR SAD DAD: There's a saying, "No good deed goes unpunished," and I think it applies to you. You appear to be a wonderful, loving person, and I can see how emotionally wrenching this has been for you.

However, the legal father of that little boy is the person whose name is on the birth certificate. While you have loved Carla's child and have assumed the role of father, legally you may not be. A lawyer can explain this to you, and tell you if you have any options other than being a positive, stable, masculine presence in the child's life. But I suspect the mother's wishes will prevail.

DEAR ABBY: Recently a friend of mine went to a ritzy gala. When dinner was served, she closed her eyes and said a brief and quiet prayer. When she opened them, the people at her table were appalled. One guest admonished her, telling her she shouldn't pray out of respect for others.

Was she wrong? What's the proper etiquette? Should she stop saying her grace? -- GRACE BEFORE DINNER

DEAR GRACE: As long as your friend said her prayer quietly and didn't impose it upon the other attendees, she did nothing wrong. Actually, the rule of etiquette is to refrain from criticizing the table manners of other guests -- and the person who admonished your friend was rude.

DEAR ABBY: I met this beautiful woman online. We have been dating for a few months, and I really don't care for her natural hairstyle and the scarves/headgear she wears when we're together. I have tiptoed around the issue. What should I do? -- BACHELOR IN GEORGIA

DEAR BACHELOR: Hair can be a sensitive issue with women. A natural hairdo is a lot healthier than coloring, perming or straightening, all of which involve products that can damage hair. Hats and scarves are a quick solution when a woman feels she's having a bad hair day. My advice to you is to accept her just the way she is -- unless you want to risk losing her.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 10, I faked an injury so I could quit playing soccer. I couldn't articulate why the coach, who was clean-cut, friendly and fair, made me uneasy. After he died a few years ago, it came out that he had molested dozens of girls.

Over the subsequent 20 years, those same instincts have screamed at me three more times -- and twice I was proven correct. The third man to set off this alarm is in my social circle, along with his wife. Several of the couples in our group are starting families.

I feel like I'm in a terrible position. Should I say something and risk destroying an innocent man's reputation and the group dynamic, or remain silent and risk the kids being around a predator? I don't have a shred of evidence, just a gut-punch feeling.

I never said anything about the prior abusers, but I don't sleep well wondering if I should have -- even if it was based solely on a sixth sense. What should I do? -- NOSE LIKE A BLOODHOUND

DEAR NOSE: Child molesters belong to every race, both sexes, and come in various age ranges. The problem with criminals of every sort -- child abusers and con men included -- is they look like the rest of us.

I'm sorry you're having sleep problems, but the solution to them is not to accuse someone about whom you have no proof. To falsely accuse him could destroy both of you, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm struggling in my marriage. I have asked my husband to treat me as an equal, but it falls on deaf ears. I work part-time, attend school full-time and care for our two children, basically on my own. I pay for almost everything. If I'm broke, he'll pay one of the smaller bills.

He refuses to help with any of the housework, and he has the freedom to go when and where he pleases. I'm only allowed to go to school or work; otherwise I must take the kids with me. He's very controlling and, in the past, when I have threatened to leave, he said he would kill himself. He is verbally and emotionally abusive.

I no longer love him and want a divorce, but I'm scared of what he'll do if I ask for one. I don't know what he is capable of. The stress has taken a toll on me. I'm depressed, angry and bitter. I wish the kids and I could simply disappear, but that's not an option, nor healthy.

Is there an easy way to ask for a divorce, or somewhere I could turn for help? Is there financial help where someone could help pay for a divorce? -- WANTS TO DISAPPEAR

DEAR WANTS TO DISAPPEAR: There is no easy way to ask a spouse for a divorce, particularly one who is controlling and verbally abusive. If you are worried about him killing himself, please don't. From your description, he is too selfish and self-centered ever to do that.

Because I know of no individuals or organizations that pay for people's divorces, talk to your family and see if one or more of your close relatives is willing to help. However, if you are afraid that your husband might harm you, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The phone number is 800-799-7233. Its counselors can help you form an exit strategy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have four great kids. They are well-behaved, respectful and full of fun. Hubby and I are having a disagreement concerning them, however.

I am an admitted "bed snob." I make every bed in the house every day, just the way I want them done. It makes me crazy when my husband insists that the kids do it themselves.

Our kids have homework, daily chores they alternate (cleaning the kitchen after dinner, doing laundry, etc.), as well as what we call "Chore Day Sunday," which is a family affair when everyone has a list of larger chores to complete. The kids know how to make their beds because I have taught them, and I feel that insisting they make their beds daily, too, is silly.

I enjoy doing this small thing. Am I crazy or is he overreacting? -- HOMEMAKER IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOMEMAKER: You're not crazy. I'd be curious to know why your husband feels so strongly about this, particularly since the kids know how to make their beds and you have made clear that you do it because you enjoy it. Having their beds made for them won't scar your offspring for life, so ask "Hubby" to indulge you by letting it go and not creating a problem where one doesn't exist.

DEAR ABBY: Two of my granddaughters have posted pictures on Instagram that show them facing away from the camera with their bottoms covered and their tops nude. They said this is part of the "Topless Tour." They said it's no big deal because it only shows their back and "everyone does it." I feel it is inappropriate to post something like this on social media. Will you please share your opinion? -- GRANDMA IN UTAH

DEAR GRANDMA: I think it's unwise, but the times they are a-changin' and along with them, the current fads. The Topless Tour -- photos of topless women shot from the rear in a scenic location and posted on social media -- is just another one of them. Calm down and thank your higher power that this fad is tame. At one point, people were lowering their pants and "mooning" passing trains and cars.

DEAR ABBY: What kind of advice do you have for a guy who is falling in love with a co-worker? We are nurses in a fast-paced intensive care unit. We greatly depend on each other to provide patient care and emotional support. There are so many reasons I want to tell her how I feel, but the fear of messing things up with her scares me. -- R.N. WITH A SECRET

DEAR R.N.: Not knowing what the policy at your hospital is regarding workplace romances, you'd be wise to start slowly. I assume you see her outside the ICU. A way to start would be to ask her to join you for lunch, coffee, or a drink and "quick dinner" after work. If she says yes, it means she could be interested in you, too. If not -- perhaps because she's already involved with someone -- you won't be embarrassed.