life

Ancient Practice of Cremation Undergoes a Modern Revival

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 5th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend after a funeral. It was about cremation versus burial, and I'd be interested in your thoughts and those of your readers.

We noted that cremation has become more common, and guessed that one of the main reasons might be funeral and plot costs. After thinking about it, we thought there might be other considerations propelling people toward the practice of cremation.

In modern society, individuals and families seem less tied to one area, and also, larger communities make it more difficult to make trips to cemeteries. Any insight on this trend? -- PLOTTING AND PLANNING IN ARIZONA

DEAR PLOTTING AND PLANNING: Cremation is nothing new. It has been practiced since ancient times -- 5,000 years ago and possibly even longer than that. The early Romans did it, but with the rise of Christianity it fell out of favor. (It is accepted by the Christian religion today.) Buddhists, Hindus and Sikhs commonly cremate their deceased. However, it is opposed by traditional Jewish culture, which believes our bodies belong to God and we are not supposed to actively destroy God's property, and by the Muslim religion.

You and your friend have covered the major considerations that make people choose cremation instead of burial. I would only add that in the past, I have heard from readers who could not bear to part with the remains of their loved one, and who have kept the ashes in their home. Others would like to have their own ashes co-mingled with their loved one's at the appropriate time and placed in a columbarium. However, if readers have anything they would like to add, I'll share some of their input with you.

Death
life

Family Resemblance Attracts Notice For Look-Alike Mother And Daughter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 5th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm 75 and my daughter just turned 50. We both have nice figures and are stylish. On a number of occasions over the years, when my daughter and I are together, people have commented that we look like sisters. I usually smile and say thanks, and my daughter just smiles.

Recently, she asked me, "Does that mean I look old?" Turning 50 may have made her a little more age-conscious. She looks great for any age, and I would like your suggestion for a good reply that will boost her self-confidence. -- GEORGIA IN TEXAS

DEAR GEORGIA: Tell your daughter that people may say you look like sisters because you strongly resemble each other. Many mothers and daughters do. They may also be trying to pay you a compliment, implying that you look much younger than your years. I'm sure it's not meant to imply that your daughter looks old.

Family & Parenting
life

College Freshman Encourages Girls to Embrace Independence

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 4th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I read your column often and find it deeply troubling when girls write you lamenting that they are "still single." I'm 18, in my freshman year of college and I have never dated. I'm perfectly OK with this.

I'm not writing to bash girls who are in high school relationships, but rather to show there's an alternative. Abby, please remind them that it's fully acceptable for us to spend our teenage years single if we prefer. No one should feel pressured into a relationship because "everyone else is dating."

Girlfriends, if you're not ready for dating, then focus on discovering your beliefs, your purpose and what your talents, passions and values are. If you choose to do it accompanied by a partner, that's fine. But if you prefer to journey alone or with your friends, that's just as valid. -- INDEPENDENT IN RACINE, WIS.

DEAR INDEPENDENT: I agree! You are a self-confident, mature young woman, and you're delivering an important message to your contemporaries. I hope they'll give your message the consideration it deserves.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Family Password Gives Child A Chance To Flee Danger

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 4th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently read an idea that I think should be shared with every parent in the world. You and your child/grandchild should establish a family password to be used if the child is ever approached by a stranger who says, "Your mother is sick and she asked me to come and get you." By asking for the password, the child throws the would-be kidnapper off guard, and the child has an opportunity to flee. -- VIGILANT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VIGILANT: That suggestion is one that appears on many child safety websites, and it's certainly worth mentioning here. I'm sure many parents and grandparents will thank you for submitting it.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

How To Handle A Crush

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 4th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl in eighth grade, wrestling with a problem I never thought I'd have -- a crush. I have liked "Garrison" for two years now. He's funny, sweet and cute, and he has stood up for me against bullies. We aren't in any classes this year, so I only see him in the halls.

I have no clue what to do, since I have never had a crush before and I'm not going to date yet. It hurts my heart. I know crushes are fleeting, but can you help me figure out what to do in the meantime? -- CRUSHED BY CRUSHING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CRUSHED: Your crush seems to be a young man with character, courage and self-confidence -- because that's what it takes to stand up to bullies. Because he stood up for you, he already knows who you are. So when you see him in the hall, smile and say "Hi." That's not being pushy; it's being friendly. And if you're sitting around with an aching heart, I have a solution: Get up and get moving. Join a club, a sport, dance class or do some volunteering.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Dad's Other Woman Causes Stress Throughout Family

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My father is dating a woman who is not only my ex-boyfriend's mother, but also the woman he cheated on my mother with and left her for. I don't want to be around her and have told my father this, but he doesn't accept or respect my feelings. Being around them causes stress on my marriage because my husband doesn't want to be around her either, and we don't want her around our children.

This is causing so much stress that at times I'm afraid it could end our marriage. When I try to talk to Dad about this, he acts like there is no reason for me to be uncomfortable and blames my husband for these feelings. It's like he completely denies that there is any way I could feel the way I do, even though she has brought nothing but negativity into my life.

I don't know what to do. I want to still have a relationship with my dad, but my marriage comes before this. How can I keep both? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN PENSACOLA

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Your father refuses to acknowledge your feelings because he sees you only as an extension of himself. Your opinions "surely" must match his own, and if they don't, then they must have been planted there by someone else. In his mind, he and his lady friend have done nothing wrong, so how could you possibly object? That you could have a moral compass that points in a different direction is not on his radar.

Because your dad insists on imposing this woman on your family, recognize that you probably can't have one without the other. That will mean seeing your father far less than you would like, and away from your husband and children -- if at all. Under no circumstances should you allow your father to destroy your marriage as he did his own.

Family & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

Co-Worker Needs To Put Personal Calls On Hold

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if you could help me out with a co-worker who is constantly on her phone. Four, five, sometimes eight times a day she is making and accepting personal calls. It's very distracting to the rest of the office. When she's not at her desk, it's then my responsibility to cover for her.

I would like to find a polite way to say "these phone calls can be made after hours." I do not want to ruffle any feathers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- TOO CHICKEN TO TALK

DEAR TOO CHICKEN: The company's policy on personal calls during business hours should be a part of the employee handbook. If it isn't, it should be brought to the attention of your employer or supervisor so it can be included when the handbook is updated.

Ideally, the person to speak to your co-worker about this would be your boss. Because these calls are distracting the other employees, your boss should be made aware of it so he or she can deal with it.

Work & School
life

Yom Kippur Begins At Sundown

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 3rd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Tonight at sundown, Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, begins. It's a day of fasting, reflection, prayer and repentance. To all of you, may your fast be an easy one.

Holidays & Celebrations

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Walking in the Snow
  • Complimenting Strangers
  • Imperfections
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Dad Reluctant to Help Second Child with Loan
  • Dad Frustrated by Kids' Refusing to Learn Basic Care Maintenance
  • Mother's Fear of Meds Stalls Recovery
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal