DEAR ABBY: My wife is in a nursing home and will be for a long time. While I was caring for her at home, I was very lonely. She wasn't there for me except to demand that I do this and that.

I did what I could to keep her happy, but nothing worked. I had no life of my own. My life was wrapped around her and doing the best I could to take care of her. I did all the chores that were required to keep the home running.

Would it be wrong to find a lady friend to do a few things with, like have dinner, go to a movie or just for a ride in the country or to the beach? My son thinks I shouldn't do it, but he doesn't know how lonely I am, nor do the other kids in the family. -- NO LIFE OF MY OWN

DEAR NO LIFE: You're asking me a question no one can decide for you. Much depends upon the quality of your marriage before your wife became ill. You promised to love and cherish her until death do you part. If she's still in her right mind, you owe it to her to be there for her to the extent that you can -- just as she would be if you were sick and in a nursing home.

You should discuss all of this with your children. While it is important that you spend enough time with your wife to ensure that she's being well cared for, you are also entitled to have a life. Some husbands want to spend every possible minute at their wife's bedside, while others do what you are contemplating. Only you can look into your heart and decide what would be best for all concerned, because it may affect your entire family.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years, "Spencer," has always been very sweet -- until this year. This year he has become verbally abusive, telling me I'm a drunk (I don't drink liquor) and insane. (No one else says there is anything insane about my behavior.) Spencer frequently tells me my opinions prove I'm a "jerk."

Until this year, I have been deeply in love with him. I know his verbal attacks on me are unwarranted. All I want is some peace and quiet. Please advise. -- BEATEN DOWN IN L.A.

DEAR BEATEN DOWN: Your boyfriend is showing all the signs of a man who wants out of a relationship, but doesn't have the courage to come out and be direct about it. If you want peace and quiet in your life, find a man who appreciates what you have to offer, doesn't make false accusations and treats you well. You'll find what you're looking for after you tell Spencer you're not drunk, you're not crazy and you're not in love with him anymore, so goodbye.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having a problem with my husband ever since his mom died. All he talks about is how much he misses her and how he wants to die.

I loved his mother like she was my own, but it has been a year since she went, and I'm getting tired of the attitude and the behavior he displays. He is so mean now that I am thinking of leaving him because I can't take it anymore. Can you help? -- TIRED OF IT

DEAR TIRED OF IT: It is one thing to grieve for a deceased loved one, and quite another to say you wish you could join the person. Your husband is "stuck" in his grieving process and needs professional intervention. Please urge him to get help.

Was he always mean and abusive? If the answer is yes, by all means give serious thought to getting away. If not, tolerate it a little longer -- providing he's willing to admit he needs to talk to someone and follows through.

DEAR ABBY: My birthday is in 26 days and my dad just told me he is not going to get me a birthday present. And I really want an iPod Touch for school. I'm in the fifth grade and everyone in my class has an iPod Touch, iPad or iPhone. EXCEPT ME!

My mom said she would get me a present, but it will be something small. And unless I can keep my room clean, I won't have a birthday! I'm turning double digits (10)! Please help! -- DESPERATE GIRL IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try, but it may not be the help you're hoping for.

Talk to your parents and ask why they are against you having an iPod Touch. Not all kids your age have parents who can afford them, and that might be the reason. Show them you are mature by keeping your room clean and doing whatever other chores are assigned to you. If you get an allowance, start saving up and ask them if they would "partner" with you in getting an iPod Touch in the future, after you have saved a certain amount. It's worth a try, and it just might work.

DEAR ABBY: My 20-year-old son is in recovery from substance abuse. He has also dealt with depression over the years. He has informed his therapist, his father and me that his older sisters had sex with him when he was a young child. It was one of the explanations he gave for his depression and substance abuse.

I have wanted to talk to his counselor about the situation so that as a family we can talk to his sisters. We could perhaps find out whether what he's referring to is normal experimentation or something more. We would also be able to ask his sisters if they were abused and acting out as a result of it. It seems incredible that as parents we were oblivious because we thought we were aware of and vigilant about threats to our children.

Now our son does not want to discuss this and refuses to see his counselor. We're afraid pushing him will trigger a relapse on his part, but we are also concerned about whether there might be an issue with his sisters that should be addressed. Should we tell him we're going to raise it with his sisters? Or should we wait until he's ready? -- WANTS TO DO WHAT'S BEST

DEAR WANTS: This news has to have been shocking to you and your husband as parents, but it isn't time yet for a family discussion because your son may be too fragile. Also, I think professional ethics prevent your son's therapist from discussing this with you. Issues like this can be complicated, and the facts may never be known.

What is most important now is for you to show your son that you love him and care about his emotional health, and while you respect his privacy, it is vital that he help himself move forward. The past cannot be changed, but it is important for his future that he find a professional with whom he can talk, if the therapist he has been seeing isn't helping him. Table any family discussion about this until your son is stronger.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently passed away, and among his papers I discovered evidence of another previous marriage. It came as a shock because he had never told me.

Should I ask his family how long this previous marriage lasted, or should I let it go and be grateful for the good and loving husband he was during our 27 years together? He was a widower with no kids and I was a widow when we met. What do you think? -- NUMBER THREE IN ARIZONA

DEAR NUMBER THREE: Your husband may have been divorced from wife No. 1, or the marriage could have been annulled and he didn't think it "counted." While I agree that you should be grateful for the 27 happy years you spent together, I can't ignore the fact that such an important piece of information was withheld from you. If you have questions and think the family can answer them, you are entitled to know.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is difficult, and our relationship has been extremely rocky over the years. She insists upon doling out unsolicited advice and asking pointed personal questions about my finances, health, sex life, etc. I have told her more than once that these things are none of her business unless I choose to discuss them. Her response is she's "only trying to help."

Our mother died six months ago and my sister is again making overtures. I'm hesitant about speaking with her again because she's so volatile. I'll do it only if she respects my boundaries.

I am searching for the right words to tell her a relationship will work only if both parties respect each other, and that trust has to be earned. I'd appreciate any suggestions. -- GUARDED SIBLING IN FLORIDA

DEAR GUARDED SIBLING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your mother. I am unclear as to why you would want to accept the overtures from someone with whom you have such a difficult relationship. However, because you feel that it would be possible under your terms, my advice is to write her a letter and tell her you will be willing to try only under the circumstances you described to me. To do so would not be rude, and it will be interesting to see if she is able to comply.

DEAR ABBY: I'm being married next year and want to make sure I send written thank-you notes to everyone. I have been a diligent thank-you note writer for years.

Can you tell me what's the best way to get everyone's address? I have had problems with this in the past. I hate having to call and ask because the people always want to know why I want the information. Would it be OK to have as part of the wedding website a place where guests who attend can confirm their mailing address? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: How do you plan to invite your guests to the wedding? Most brides send their invitations via U.S. mail, which requires the person's name, address and ZIP code on the envelope.

However, if you plan to issue your invitations online, then I see no reason you can't ask your guests to confirm their information on your wedding site. It wouldn't be a breach of etiquette.