DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Offended Daughter" (Aug. 10), whose mother didn't like her lounging in a bikini top at her house because of her weight, was inconsiderate, irresponsible and, frankly, offensive. You started off well, advising her to consider her mother's preference because it's her house, but your second paragraph took a wrong turn.

You used your column to imply she should not feel comfortable in her own skin. You assumed her doctor thinks she's unhealthy, knowing nothing about her other than the fact she's 60 to 70 pounds more than "average." You assumed she was "complacent" and her weight is a problem, even though you do not have access to her medical history and are not a physician. That response serves no purpose other than to fat-shame "Offended Daughter."

Even if she is unhealthy, if she weighed two or three times what she does now, even if she lies around all day in that bikini eating potato chips and ice cream sundaes, she still deserves respect as a human being. She deserves advice without judgment. -- LINDA IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR LINDA: Thousands of readers in newspapers and online wrote to tell me how angry they were about my response to that letter, accusing me of "fat-shaming." If anyone was hurt by my reply, I sincerely apologize, because my remarks were not meant to be rude or disrespectful. When I called the young woman after that column ran to apologize if I had hurt her feelings and read her my response to her letter, she told me she was not offended.

When I answer questions, it is my responsibility to be honest and direct. As anyone who has read my column knows, I am not always politically correct. When I saw her statement that she was 60 to 70 pounds overweight -- which is obese -- and "comfortable in her own skin," my reaction was alarm. If she doesn't become proactive now, by the time she's 35 she could be far heavier.

Everyone knows the many health complications associated with obesity, so I won't list them. And while not everyone develops complications, in general, the greater a person's weight, the greater the likelihood of developing them. While losing weight may be challenging, as I know from personal experience, it's important to make beneficial lifestyle changes to promote healthy weight, just as it is important to have healthy self-esteem.

That young woman needs to have a frank talk with her doctor about what's causing her to be so heavy. I told her that when I talked to her. I also suggested it might be helpful to consult a nutritionist.

As to my comment about her mother, I strongly suspect what I said is true, and I'll stand by it until I hear from the woman telling me different.

DEAR ABBY: I have overheard a person who works as an aide at the local elementary school talking about the students -- discussing their special needs, behavioral issues, etc. I think it is appalling that she's relaying confidential information to others in the community. The rule for employees here is, "What happens in the school stays in the school."

I'm not sure what to do. I have heard from her too many times that it was "just an oversight" on her part. Should I let the parents of these students know, or make the school administrators aware of the situation? The people listening are, of course, just as guilty. Perhaps it's not my place to interfere; however, I find her behavior to be unprofessional, and she should not be working in such a setting.

If you publish this, I hope it will be all it takes to open someone's eyes and seal their lips. What do you think? -- BOILING OVER IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR BOILING OVER: I'm printing your letter, but I doubt it will silence the wagging tongue of a gossip who uses confidential information to get attention. What you should do is inform the principal of the school and let him or her "seal the leak." If that doesn't work, you should inform the parents because they may want to take action. But don't jump the gun; go through channels first.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose son is in sales, and he asked to give me a presentation. My friend instructed me that I was under no obligation to purchase anything; he just needed to practice it. I complied and didn't buy anything he was pitching.

He has now contacted me again to do another presentation because he has changed companies and wants to "practice" again. I dislike sales pitches and I'm also very busy. Ordinarily, I would just say no. However, because he's my friend's son I am unsure how to respond. Can you give me any suggestions? -- ANONYMOUS OUT WEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you agreed previously, the young man may not realize that his asking again is an imposition. All you need to do is tell him that you are very busy. Then explain that you agreed the last time as a special favor to his parent, that you can't do it, but you wish him luck with the new company.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when the hostess at a club meeting won't tolerate shared information or food, but instead tells you to be quiet and listen only to her history, gripes and opinions? -- DUES PAYER, ANYWHERE, U.S.A.

DEAR DUES PAYER: Before or after some of those meetings, have a chat with other club members. Find out if they, too, are being treated this way and, if they are, how they feel about it. If you are all dues-paying members and can vote, it may be possible to remove her as hostess. However, if you are the only person she does this with, you might be happier being involved in another organization where your contributions will be appreciated instead of stifled.

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 14 and had a small party with relatives to celebrate it. A few days later my mom bought me thank-you cards and said I should send them out.

I told the people "thank you" for the gifts in person. I don't think thank-you cards are necessary for something as small as birthdays. Shouldn't they be reserved for things like weddings and baby showers?

Mom and I are anxious to see your answer. -- NO THANK-YOU

DEAR NO THANK-YOU: Listen to your mother because she's trying to tell you something important. When people do something nice for you -- such as give you a birthday or Christmas gift -- their thoughtfulness and generosity should be acknowledged with a written thank-you. It's not a waste of your time.

People are inclined to be more generous to those who show their appreciation, as you will learn in many situations as time passes.

DEAR ABBY: My sister has a 1-year-old baby boy we all adore. He is a cute little guy. My sister is understandably proud, but sometimes I feel it goes too far.

She sends pictures of him with captions like, "Cutest Baby Ever," or "He's the BEST!" She dresses him in shirts that say, "FAVORITE" or "The Greatest."

I feel it is rude to other parents and insensitive to other kids because it implies that other people's children don't measure up. Also, there are some adorable little cousins living in the same household as the "perfect" baby.

We all have attractive children, but not all of us feel the need to put others down in order to compliment our offspring. Am I overly sensitive, or is my sister tactless? -- IDAHO AUNTIE

DEAR IDAHO AUNTIE: Your sister is over-the-moon about her baby boy. Shirts like this for toddlers are very common. The children in that household are probably too young to read what's printed on the T-shirts and feel slighted, so simmer down and don't take it personally.

DEAR ABBY: Some time ago we were given a very expensive dining room set by relatives. No one else in the family wanted it, and we took it because our dining room pieces were old.

Now we would like to sell this set and buy something less formal and more comfortable. Do we have any obligation to the original owners? -- NEEDS ADVICE IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: If the dining room set was "lent" to you by the relatives, you should consult them. However, if it was given to you, then you have no obligation to do so and you may dispose of it as you wish.