DEAR ABBY: My son married an educated professional woman from another country. When their twins were born, my daughter-in-law immersed them in her native language so it would become their mother tongue. Although I understand and respect the benefits of being bilingual, this caused a lot of communication gaps and frustration between us and the grandkids during their early years.

They attend a bilingual elementary school now, and their English is superb and communication between us is great. The problem is, when we are together, my daughter-in-law speaks to her children exclusively in her native language. My son understands the conversation, but my husband and I do not know what is being said. We think this is rude and inconsiderate.

Are we being overly sensitive, or is this common practice in families with multiple languages? Our relationship with our daughter-in-law is polite and cordial, but not close or intimate. Any advice? -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: This is not unusual in multilingual families, and I agree that it is inconsiderate. Have you spoken to your son and daughter-in-law about how this makes you feel? If you haven't, you should, because she may not be deliberately trying to make you feel excluded.

When you raise the subject, choose your words and tone carefully. Because if you don't, your relationship with your daughter-in-law could become a lot less cordial than it is.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 55-year-old gay male who has been with my now-spouse, "Owen," in a loving, committed relationship since 2005. While earlier we could not legally marry, in 2006 we had a commitment ceremony bringing together close friends and family to acknowledge and celebrate our relationship. In 2013, Owen and I were finally able to legally marry in California.

My dilemma comes from people who don't know what to call us. People often refer to my spouse as my "friend" or "partner." At times I say nothing, but more often than not, I find myself saying, "Oh, you mean my husband." Some of them thank me for the clarification; others just look at me with a blank stare.

Owen never corrects them because he feels it isn't his place. I feel it's my responsibility to do so, first so as to not play down the significance of our relationship, but also to educate these people. Do you think this is inappropriate? -- MARRIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MARRIED: Not at all. The people who refer to you and Owen as "partners" and "friends" are using terminology that is evolving because marriage among same-sex couples is still relatively new. As it becomes more commonplace, that will change. In the meantime, it's completely appropriate for you and Owen to speak up.

P.S. For any reader who may not already know, gay men refer to their spouse as their husband and lesbians refer to theirs as their wife.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor has a registered day care business, and every day I hear her screaming at young children and infants. They are all 4-year-olds and younger. We live in a rural area outside a small town. She uses profanity and says mean things to them. It makes me want to cry when I think of how scared those kids must be.

Who do I contact with this information? I could record her with my phone if evidence was needed to shut down her business. This woman has a really bad anger management problem. She also knows I can hear her because we have spoken about how our voices travel.

I don't think she is being physically abusive, but her words must be damaging to those kids. Please help me find someone to tell. I'm afraid the local police won't be able to do anything. I can't even take my own child in our backyard because she swears so much. -- DAY CARE DRAMA IN INDIANA

DEAR D.C.D.: Ideally, you should try to tell the parents what you have been hearing because they should be aware that their trusted caregiver loses control of her emotions and takes out her frustrations on their children. If the situation is as ugly as you describe, those kids must be terrified of her.

If that's not possible, Child Protective Services should be notified because the environment is not emotionally healthy for little children.

P.S. By the age of 4, children usually have started to repeat the language they hear around them. I'm surprised these parents haven't noticed the change in their vocabulary and questioned their little ones about where they heard those "bad words." Nonetheless, on the chance that the parents are clueless, what you have observed should be reported.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, a contractor working for the U.S. government, who thinks he's in love with a Ukrainian girl. The pay is really good. He recently came back from a visit to see this "girlfriend."

He has been sending this girl almost all his money for the last nine months. He was never alone with her, and she showed no emotional or physical attraction to him. In fact, a male friend of hers asked him for $800 to give as a bribe so he wouldn't be drafted into the Ukrainian military. We believe this male friend is, in fact, the girl's real boyfriend.

My friend paid $300 to send flowers to her for their nine-month anniversary, for which she expressed no thanks or appreciation. What advice can you provide us here? -- FRIEND IN AFGHANISTAN

DEAR FRIEND: Your friend's "romance" seems suspicious to me, too. That he is giving all his money to someone who appears to be so emotionally distant is worrisome. I also have to doubt that $800 would keep an able-bodied man from being drafted into the Ukrainian military since the country is now involved in military conflict. It appears your friend is being treated more like an ATM than a suitor, but he may have to arrive at that realization on his own.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor was very ill with diabetes and an amputee with other health problems. Her husband worked long hours to pay for her health care and keep food on the table. They also had custody of a 3-year-old granddaughter.

I'm sorry to say this idea didn't occur to me until after the lady died suddenly, and her husband was left a widower with a small child to raise. Once the funeral is over and the church and neighbors move on, those left behind are often without support. They have funeral bills to pay, medical bills and their grief.

My local grocer happens to deliver, so I went and bought two cases of canned vegetables, rice, beans, flour, corn meal, sugar, potatoes and pasta every other month and had them delivered anonymously. That way my neighbor wouldn't feel it was charity. He has since figured out it was me, so I take food to them now because he's still having a hard time after his wife's death. But the little girl is thriving and I don't have to worry she will be hungry.

Please ask your readers to think beyond the usual mourning period, and look further at a family's situation after a loved one dies. A little help can go a long way. -- HAPPY TO LEND A HAND IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HAPPY TO LEND A HAND: I'm pleased to print your letter. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a caring and generous neighbor like you. When a death happens, the most important thing is to maintain contact with a grieving family and observe the Golden Rule as you have been doing. The time to be a friend is when someone needs one.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago we adopted three children through our state's child welfare system. At the time, we knew they had full and half-siblings somewhere "in the system." We have not yet told our children they have biological siblings, although they do know their birth parents are no longer living due to drug abuse.

I was recently able to locate two of the full siblings through Internet research, and I have been following their lives on their social networking pages. Both are adults now -- one is a college student; the other is a young mother.

I am torn. My children are teenagers now and old enough to be told they have other siblings. But should I uproot these young women's lives to learn about us and meet our children? I'm also not sure whether they know the circumstances of their biological parents' deaths or would want that information.

It doesn't seem fair to dump all this on a college student and a young mom, but my children have a right to know, too. I almost wish I had never started searching. Please advise. -- KEEPER OF THE SECRET IN ILLINOIS

DEAR KEEPER OF THE SECRET: You are obviously a caring and sensitive woman. I agree that your children have a right to know they have other blood relatives. I'd be very surprised if the young women your children are related to were shocked by your contacting them. They are older and may have some recollection of their siblings. However, before discussing this with your teenagers, I recommend that you make the initial contact to be absolutely sure the two adult siblings would like to meet your children.