DEAR ABBY: My neighbor was very ill with diabetes and an amputee with other health problems. Her husband worked long hours to pay for her health care and keep food on the table. They also had custody of a 3-year-old granddaughter.

I'm sorry to say this idea didn't occur to me until after the lady died suddenly, and her husband was left a widower with a small child to raise. Once the funeral is over and the church and neighbors move on, those left behind are often without support. They have funeral bills to pay, medical bills and their grief.

My local grocer happens to deliver, so I went and bought two cases of canned vegetables, rice, beans, flour, corn meal, sugar, potatoes and pasta every other month and had them delivered anonymously. That way my neighbor wouldn't feel it was charity. He has since figured out it was me, so I take food to them now because he's still having a hard time after his wife's death. But the little girl is thriving and I don't have to worry she will be hungry.

Please ask your readers to think beyond the usual mourning period, and look further at a family's situation after a loved one dies. A little help can go a long way. -- HAPPY TO LEND A HAND IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HAPPY TO LEND A HAND: I'm pleased to print your letter. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a caring and generous neighbor like you. When a death happens, the most important thing is to maintain contact with a grieving family and observe the Golden Rule as you have been doing. The time to be a friend is when someone needs one.

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago we adopted three children through our state's child welfare system. At the time, we knew they had full and half-siblings somewhere "in the system." We have not yet told our children they have biological siblings, although they do know their birth parents are no longer living due to drug abuse.

I was recently able to locate two of the full siblings through Internet research, and I have been following their lives on their social networking pages. Both are adults now -- one is a college student; the other is a young mother.

I am torn. My children are teenagers now and old enough to be told they have other siblings. But should I uproot these young women's lives to learn about us and meet our children? I'm also not sure whether they know the circumstances of their biological parents' deaths or would want that information.

It doesn't seem fair to dump all this on a college student and a young mom, but my children have a right to know, too. I almost wish I had never started searching. Please advise. -- KEEPER OF THE SECRET IN ILLINOIS

DEAR KEEPER OF THE SECRET: You are obviously a caring and sensitive woman. I agree that your children have a right to know they have other blood relatives. I'd be very surprised if the young women your children are related to were shocked by your contacting them. They are older and may have some recollection of their siblings. However, before discussing this with your teenagers, I recommend that you make the initial contact to be absolutely sure the two adult siblings would like to meet your children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old college student. My boyfriend of seven years and I are engaged. Because we were high school sweethearts, we have watched each other grow into the people we are today.

For the most part, I'm very proud of the person he has become. When I quit my full-time job to continue my education, he stepped up to support me. I never asked for it, nor did I expect it from him.

"Liam" is very frugal. ("Cheap" might be a better word.) I never understood it because he makes enough money to support us both and put plenty into savings. However, I recently learned that every payday, his mother calls, and he goes to her house and gives her money. It wouldn't bother me if she was ill, unemployed, etc., but she's well-off and earns a good living.

Abby, what concerns me is that while Liam is 24 years old, he has a shared bank account with his mother. She seems to call him only on payday, every payday, without fail. She also seems to have more control of his spending than he does. He won't pay his bills without first consulting her. She was very clear when she told him he had spent too much on my engagement ring.

I don't want to come between Liam and his mother, but I'm not sure I can marry them both. It's not that I want his money, but after we're married, I feel the husband and wife should share bank accounts and bills, not my husband and his mother.

Do I have a right to be concerned with this matter? -- FRUGAL FIANCEE IN FLORIDA

DEAR FIANCEE: You and Liam need to have a frank talk about money. There may be a reasonable explanation why he gives his mother money every payday. (She may invest it for him.) But you'll never know if you don't ask. While "Mama" may not have been overjoyed at the amount her son spent on your engagement ring, it appears she did approve his chipping in for your education, so she's not what I'd call a miser.

That said, I cannot stress enough how important it is for you and Liam to be on the same page when it comes to finances and how decisions will be made after your marriage. Premarital counseling covers subjects like this because marriages have been known to fail when couples disagree about money.

DEAR ABBY: I am a contractor. My job requires me to stay at a job site from three days to six months. I am happily married with one child who is grown, gone and has a child of his own.

My son and I are estranged, and have had no contact in 10 years. When making small talk on the job site, inevitably the question comes up, "Do you have children?" I don't want to get into that part of my life, but I also don't want to alienate people who are trying to be friendly.

If I say "no," I am lying. If I say "yes," it opens up a can of worms, like "Where does he live?" "Do you see him often?" etc. If I reveal that I am a grandparent, it can get especially uncomfortable. Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation gracefully? -- NO EASY ANSWERS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NO EASY ANSWERS: Yes, I do. Be honest and say, "I have a son and we are estranged." You don't have to give more details than that, and you may be surprised when the person you're talking to says, "Me, too!" The situation is not as uncommon as you may think -- as I discovered not long ago when I attended a luncheon and realized the common denominator among the guests was they were all estranged from their children or stepchildren.

DEAR ABBY: I am sick to death of hearing about people who have too many kids and the hardship it imposes. Common sense for the women is to use birth control, but why don't men step up to the plate and have a vasectomy? I had one years ago and it has worked well for me.

I never hear it mentioned on talk shows or read it in any advice columns, including yours. Men of America, wake up! -- JOSEPH IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR JOSEPH: I'm sure the word "vasectomy" has been used in previous Dear Abby columns, but I'm glad to remind my male readers. While I have never taken a poll on this subject, I'll hazard a guess or two about why men are reluctant to have them:

One, they equate it with castration; two, they think at some point they might change their mind or their partner; and three, they're afraid it will be painful. Drumroll: For any men out there who are worried that some tragedy might wipe out your family and you will have to start over, sperm can be banked for up to 20 years and used should the need arise.

P.S. There are also more options open to women than the pill. These include IUDs and, if they're sure they want to be finished with childbearing, tubal ligation.

DEAR ABBY: I raised three kids in a normal household, putting them to bed between two sheets. Now my two younger ones no longer sleep between sheets, but wrapped up in a blanket on a sheetless mattress. One of them has children, and is passing the habit on to them.

The only thing I can conclude is that it's laziness, and I'm wondering where I went wrong. Has anyone else encountered this? -- TAKEN ABACK IN MISSOURI

DEAR TAKEN ABACK: People have varying sleep "styles." If, when your children lived with you, you taught them to launder their sheets and make their beds, then you didn't go wrong. (One can only hope they wash those blankets regularly.)

If possible, invite your grandchildren for sleepovers so they can experience how the "other half" lives. You would be doing them a favor because children can't learn what a parent hasn't taught them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 25-year-old woman and lonely. I'm interested in a guy I have known for years. He's my older brother's friend, and we're only six years apart. When I expressed my interest in him, he politely let me know that he would not date me because of my brother.

Is there a secret code that I'm missing? Is it taboo for a man who is your older brother's friend to date the younger sibling? I am confused as to why it would matter since we are both adults. -- LONELY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LONELY: While it isn't "taboo" to date the sibling of a close friend, it can lead to complications if the relationship doesn't work out. Friendships have become strained or ended because of it.

Not knowing the man you have your sights set on, I can't speculate whether the reason he gave you was the truth. It could also be that the feelings you have for him are not reciprocated, but regardless -- now that you know he isn't interested, it's time to look elsewhere for someone to assuage your loneliness.